Woody's Quotebook

Part three of my quotebook...enjoy...
The morning after the earthquake that had its epicenter near the Mat Maid Dairy Farm, the rancher steps out into his fields. He is amazed to see that all of his cows are laying down on the ground, while his bulls are still standing up.
Curious, he walks up to the oldest bull, taps him on the shoulder (waking him up) and asks, "hey guy.. it seems that all of your cows fell during the earthquake last night... why didn't you?"
The bull reaches down, takes a bite of the ever-so-succulent-grass that Alaska is so well known for, turns to the farmer, and replies, "Hey man, WE BULLS WOBBLE BUT WE DON'T FALL DOWN..."
-- someone on the AKMac BBS

What do a blonde and a computer have in common?
You don't appreciate either one of them until they go down on you...
-- Aeryn, on the Classic BBS

"Where's my other shoe?"
"On your other foot."
-- Courtney and James Clark

Mike and I are just as stupid as everyone else...we're just intellectual about it!
-- Royce, talking to Jana

Apartheid -- sounds like a new South African detergent, doesn't it? It's new Apartheid! The only detergent to seperate the whites from the coloreds automatically!
-- MTV comedian

Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down, you dig, farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard; a bubbly, thick, stagnant sound, a sound you could smell. This man worked for the carnival, you dig, and it started as like a novelty ventriloquist act. After a while, the ass started talking on its own. He'd go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib, tossing the gags back and forth every time.
Then it developed little teeth, like raspy, incurving hooks, and eating. He thought this was cute at first, and built an act around it, but the ass started eating its way through his pants and started talking on the street, shouting about equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags; nobody loved it, it wanted to be kissed, same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time, day and night, you could hear him for blocks, screaming at it to shut up, beating it with his fists, sticking candles up it. Nothing did any good, and the asshole said to him, "It's you who will shut up in the end, not me, because we don't need you around here anymore. I can talk and eat and shit."
After that he began waking up in the morning with transparent jelly like a tadpole's tail all over his mouth. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have amputated spontaneously except for the eyes, you dig, all the asshole couldn't do was see, it needed the eyes. Nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn't give orders anymore. It was trapped inside the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes. And then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out. There was no more feeling in them than a crab's eye at the end of a stalk.
-- Naked Lunch, William S. Burroughs

Friends don't let friends vote republican.
-- sign on a building in Eagle River

"What would I do without you?"
"I don't know...probably something really evil."
-- me, then Jess

"Sometimes I worry that I'll never be creative again. Maybe my best ideas are behind me."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry. Nothing you've done up to now has been any great shakes either."
"Ooh, so maybe my best work is still ahead of me."
"Well, you have to consider the track record here."
-- Dilbert (and his boss)

Is something wrong? she said
Of course there is
You're still alive, she said
And do I deserve to be?
Is that the question?
And if so, if so,
Who answers?
Who answers?
Oh, I...I...I'm still alive...
-- Pearl Jam, "Alive"

I pledge allegiance to this way
Of insanity, corruption and decay
-- Machines of Loving Grace, "Burn Like Brilliant Trash"

A man with one clock always knows what time it is. A man with two clocks is never sure.
-- Space

"A Thanksgiving Prayer"
Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeon, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts.
Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison.
Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger.
Thanks for vast hordes of bison to kill and skin leaving the carcasses to rot.
Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes.
Thanks for the American dream, to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through.
Thanks for the KKK.
For nigger-killin' lawmen, feelin' their notches.
For decent church-going' women, with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces.
Thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers.
Thanks for laboratory AIDS.
Thanks for Prohibition, and the war against drugs.
Thanks for a country where nobody's allowed to mind their own business.
Thanks for a nation of finks.
Yes, thanks for all the memories -- all right let's see your arms!
You always were a headache and you always were a bore.
Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.
-- "Dead City Radio", William S. Burroughs

A faith without doubts would be the deadest of faiths, the faith of a person who had no expectations from God.
-- The Unorthodox Murder of Rabbi Wahl, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin

"Two thousand years ago," Daniel resumed, "it was the custom in ancient Israel that a cedar tree was planted when a boy was born and a cypress tree was planted when a girl was born. When they grew up and married, their wedding canopy was made of branches woven from both trees.
"Tonight, the canopy under which we stand is not woven from such romantic materials." He looked at the plain white canopy under which the couple stood. "But that ancient Jewish tradition teaches us something very profound. When a couple marry, their relationship is woven together from the experiences and wisdom they've acquired since they were born..."
-- The Unorthodox Murder of Rabbi Wahl, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin

If there were no God, there could be no atheists.
-- Sagebrush, on AlaskaMac

I can think of only three words to describe the female species. And none of them are worth mentioning.
-- Orlando, "Orlando"

-- Graffitti on the wall at Industry-13's bathroom...take-offs of Fsunjibleableje, a local industrial group.

Hey, Woody...we're having a party...wanna get smashed?
-- Cindy to me over the phone one night.

"Check out those chicks!"
"Down on the ground. Little yellow furry things."
"Furry? Those are some wierd chicks."
"Hm...a cross between a chicken and a beaver."
-- Kevin and I babbling late one night...I had the final line.

I want you,
I need you,
But there ain't way I'm ever going to love you.
Now don't be sad...
'cause two out of three ain't bad.
-- Meatloaf, "Two Out Of Three"

When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather, not terrified like his screaming passengers...
-- Jack Handey

"If you are not a liberal at 20 then you have no heart, and if you are not a conservative at 40 then you have no mind."
-- Winston Churchill

The following musings were spawned by one persons misspelling in the sentence, "...and had the longest series of ograsms in his life."
Do ogres have ograsms?
Does okra have okrasms?
Does Oprah have oprasms?
Do hors d'ouevres have hors d'asms?
Do Swedish tennis players have bjornborgasms?
Do race car drivers have four-on-the-floorgasms?
Does Jim Morrison have Doorgasms?
Does the Swedish Chef have bork-bork-borkasms?
Does the race of assimilating aliens have Borgasms?
Do people who snore get snorgasms?
Do keyboard players have Korg-asms?
Do golfers have foregasms?
Do Tolkein's monsters have orcasms?
Do prostitutes have whoregasms?
Do storytellers have loregasms?
Do army generals have wargasms?
Do Norse gods have Thorgasms?
Do miners have ore-gasms?
Do discordians have fnorgasms? Can other people tell?
Do candy bars have Skorgasms?
Does my professor have Boregasms?
Does Al have Goregasms?
Do epileptics have spasmgasms?
Do rowboaters have Oargasms?
Do you have yourgasms?
Do computer engineers have norgasms?
-- some probably very disturbed 'net personality.

This next series of bits is from Josh, trying to get a message through to me on the UAA VAX...things were not going well. I laughed.

#09 ACAD3A::ASJRB       Mon 04 Oct 1993  16:14:48  (   0/    0)

From:     dangerboy
Subject:  fucknut...

Press RETURN for next message...

#10 ACAD3A::ASJRB       Mon 04 Oct 1993  16:15:30  (   1/    8)

From:     dangerboy


Press RETURN for next message...

#11 ACAD3A::ASJRB       Mon 04 Oct 1993  16:17:07  (   4/  222)

From:     dangerboy
Subject:  it's me against this fucking machine, i tell you

the return button on this terminal is sticky......BAD button to stick.
we'll see if i can get through an entire message....
about the incedent:
woody, if i could put my thoughts into words, they would sound very much

Press RETURN for next message...

#12 ACAD3A::ASJRB       Mon 04 Oct 1993  16:18:00  (   0/    0)

From:     dangerboy
Subject:  arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Press RETURN for next message...

#13 ACAD3A::ASJRB       Mon 04 Oct 1993  16:18:19  (   0/    0)

From:     dangerboy
Subject:  ok.

Press RETURN for next message...

#14 ACAD3A::ASJRB       Mon 04 Oct 1993  16:18:44  (   0/    0)

From:     dangerboy
Subject:  only fucking monitor free and i have to get itgoddamitfuckitall

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#15 ACAD3A::ASJRB       Mon 04 Oct 1993  16:20:40  (   0/    0)

From:     dangerboy

Press RETURN for next message...

#16 ACAD3A::ASJRB       Mon 04 Oct 1993  16:36:52  (  50/ 2438)

From:     dangerboy
Subject:  stupid fucing damn vax shit.

moved monitors.
but, i can't get into my acad2 acct due to an 'error'.
-- Josh Buessler, having problems with the UAA Vax system.

Even given the Heizenberg Uncertainty Principle, subatomic particles are more predictable than women. :)
-- Bryan Medsker

Truth persuades by teaching, but it does not teach by persuading.
-- Tertullian

One man's religion neither helps or harms another man. It is certainly not part of religion to compel religion.
-- Augustine of Hippo

If everything's under control you're going too slow.
-- Mario Andretti

I tried to find Him on the Christian cross, but He was not there; I went to the Temple of the Hindus and to the old pagodas, but I could not find a trace of Him anywhere.
I searched on the mountains and in the valleys but neither in the heights nor in the depths was I able to find Him. I went to the Caaba in Mecca, but He was not there either.
I questioned the scholars and philosophers but He was beyond their understanding.
I then looked into my heart and it was there where He dwelled that I saw Him; He was nowhere else to be found.
-- Jelaluddin Rami

We now communicate with everyone and say absolutely nothing. We have reconstructed the Tower of Babel and it is a television antenna.
--Ted Koppel

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
-- Robert Geiger

Did you hear about the federal judge in Anchorage who died laughing?
It was right after he told Theresa Obermeyer "You have the right to remain silent..."
-- Anonymous

But pointing fingers at movies that fail to be moral is like pointing a finger at a donut that fails to cut paper: it's nice when it happens, but hardly expected.
-- Santos

If you sometimes get discourage, consider this fellow: he dropped out of grade school, ran a country store, went broke. Took fifteen years to pay off his bills. Took a wife, unhappy marriage. Ran for House, lost twice. Ran for Senate, lost twice. Delivered a speech that became a classic -- audience indifferent. Attacked daily by the press and despised by half the country. Despite all this, imagine how many people, all over the world, have been inspired by this awkward, rumpled brooding man, who signed his name, simply -- A. Lincoln.
-- Anonymous

You can and will always be you, the same will always go along for me. When you start judging me on who and what you are is when you start to make the slow decent into becoming NORMAL in the most hidious sense of the word. Everybody is an indivudal and should be treated at such in the most spetacular sense of that word. I believe with every impulse and every thought process, with every feeling and everything in me that this world is crying out for some serious healing and respecting every person for what they are, a human being is an excellent place to start.
-- John

	Saturday, July 30, 1994 6:36:03 PM
	From:           Rtist
	Subject:        Jupiter gone?
	To:             Science
So, does anyone know how Jupiter is doing? Is it still under attack? Are there
any new holes in it? How's it goin' up there?

	Monday, August 1, 1994 4:32:49 AM
	From:           Woodstock
	Subject:        Re: Jupiter gone?
	To:             Science
It's gone. The force of all the chunks hitting it disrupted the rotation and
magnetic fields enough that all the gases surrounding it have been sloughing
away into space...some merging with the rings that used to surround Jupiter,
some of the heavier material being caught in the gravitational fields of the
moons, but most just drifting off through the solar system. Scientists predict
that when the Earth starts moving through the fields, those of us lucky enough
to live up here in Alaska should see some absolutely phenominal displays of the
Northern Lights, as the foreign gases start to interact with those that normally
produce the displays.

Meanwhile, there's been some excitement about a certain picture the Hubble
took...something about a large black slab at the center of where Jupiter used to
be, the edges appear to have a ratio to each other of 1x3x9...(grin)

In case you're wondering, yes, this is a load of crap. But it was fun to write.
So there. Bleah. Let someone else tell you what's really going on, I'm shooting
for a job at the Weekly World News...

(big grin)
-- a question, and my answer, on a local BBS

Earth: An M class planet in sector 001, home of the human race, and the president of the UFP. Mostly Harmless.
-- The entry for Earth in The Star Trek Encyclopedia

"String literal too long (I let you have 512 characters, that's 3 more than ANSI said I should)"
"...And the lord said, 'lo, there shall only be case or default labels inside a switch statement'"
"a typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program"
"'Volatile' and 'Register' are not miscible"
"This struct already has a perfectly good definition"
"Only one parameter per register please "
"type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines 10-11 (I know you don't care, I'm just trying to annoy you)"
"This array has no size, and that's bad"
"Huh ?"
"can't go mucking with a 'void *'"
"we already did this function"
"The target of this goto is a label in a block that has an automatic variable with an initializer"
"This label is the target of a goto from outside of the block containing this label AND this block has an automatic variable with an initializer AND your window wasn't wide enough to read this whole error message"
"Call me paranoid but finding '/*' inside this comment makes me suspicious"
"This function has an explicit return type and deserves a return value"
"You are comparing two structures that have holes in them"
"Too many errors on one line (make fewer)"
"Symbol table full - fatal heap error; please go buy a RAM upgrade from your local Apple dealer"
"Trailing comma not permitted in enum definition. (This time I'm letting you off with a warning)"
-- Some of the better error messages from Apple's MPW compiler, from a posting by Bruce Hoult on comp.sys.mac.programmer

In <33g32g$7ns@newswire.sp.trw.com> *.Sparky.* 
> In  , gutt@hp750.itg.ti.com writes:
> >  You are entering a world not only of sight and sound
> >  but of mind. A journey into a wonderous land, who's
> >  boundaries are that of imagination. There's a sign post
> >  up ahead. Your next stop, the Twilight Zone.
> No. That's the preamble to the Constitution.
No, you're both wrong. The Preamble to the Constitution is "Let's 
stroll over to the Constitution."
-- found on the Internet...

losing your faith is a lot like losing your virginity; you don't realize how irritating it was 'til it's gone.
-- aimee@crl.com

Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.
-- anrwlias@netcom.com

Her eyes were cold and harsh...
...which made them tough to chew.
-- Tom McCarty (tom@saturn.uaamath.alaska.edu), as relayed by Brady.

5. Ground squirrels are not a road hazard, so don't treat them as such.
5a. Slow down gradually for ground squirrels or other small animals when appropriate.
5b. Do not focus on the squirrel. Look ahead to the road.
5c. Never swerve to avoid a squirrel. Maintain your normal position.
-- The Denali Park Resorts' 1995 Visitor Transportation System and Tour Driver Manual for Denali Park, Alaska

LORD grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
-- Unknown, was given to me at work.

at this point, i will tell you a bit about why i hate arenas:
the tacoma dome is slightly bigger than the sullivan arena. it has concrete floors, concrete walls and a dome ceiling made of a wooden geodesic framework, panelled with sheet rock. the stage was set up on one end of the arena, and on the opposing end they had set up a huge curtain. everything about the tacoma dome, and arenas in general, says "holy bad acoustics, batman." actually making the music clearly audible requires several banks of speakers the size of a small continent turned up to volumes that frequently induce epileptic fits. any sound that has not been reduced to 200dbs of white noise, comes out as echoes and sharp hi's like "s" and "t." bass is more or less obliterated by the concrete. furthermore, with a seating capacity of something like 10,000 or better, it's a safe bet that the majority of the seating is somewhere over in the scottish highlands. the general admission floor tickets sold out within two hours of the initial ticket release back in september. we were actually lucky enough to get as close as 100 feet to the stage or so. you couldn't really see all his facial features, but it was definitely trent reznor. it was just "little trent." someday, someone with some say so will realise that arena shows should be exclusively reserved for paula abduul, whom i hate, and whose music may actually be listenable through enough distortion. it was just a thought.
-- Josh Buessler. Taken from a letter describing his experience at the nine inch nails/David Bowie concert.

I don't really consider it winter yet when you can still go 80 down any street in Anchorage.
-- A big, burly, biker-looking dude, overheard at Carrs grocery on a rare early November day in Anchorage with no snow yet.

Funny thing about weekends when you're unemployed...they don't mean quite as much. 'Cept you get to hang out with your working friends....
-- Primus, "Spegetti Western," Frizzle Fry

  • Use a new Reality with each and every sex act.
  • Read instructions carefully before using Reality.
  • The booklet explains how to use Reality.
  • Don't tear Reality.
  • Reality only works when you use it.
  • Make sure Reality is not twisted after insertion.
  • Reality should not be noisy during sex.
  • Reality may shift during sex.
  • Keep Reality out of the reach of children.
-- From the instruction booklet for Reality - a female condom.

God is this a stupid question. I mean, this is rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. It is trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. It is stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. It is a blazing mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. It emits more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. This has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Unless this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while.
-- heritage@und5.umd.edu, in response to a not-too-brilliant Usenet post

Dear Mr __________,

Thank you for expressing for interest in alt.music.nin. We appreciate the time that you have taken to write to us. At this time, however, we are not in need of any dipshits. If the need arises for another dipshit, or perhaps a fucking moron, we feel that you are more than qualified and would like to assure you that you will be the first person we call. In the meantime, may we suggest that you contact rec.music.industrial? We understand that they have an opening for a clueless trolling idiot with his head up his ass. We feel that you might find yourself ideally suited to that particular position. Thank you again for your interest.

The inhabitants of AMNIN.

-- wanderr@infi.net

Her hand was pale and perhaps a little cold, but the white damask tablecloth brought out the hint of pink at the knuckles and the fingertips, and there was such a soft succulence about the limb that I was seized with the notion of biting into the fleshy bulge of the thenar eminence, of sucking at it, biting deeper until my teeth encountered the gift of fascia and tendons and could go no farther. Is that grotesque? Perhaps it is, for those too squeamish to acknowledge their true natures. If we can be transported with delight by such a vegetarian pleasure as sinking one's teeth into the summer's first peach and feeling the sweet juices overflowing the lips and dripping off one's chin how can we frame the magnitude of pleasure that may flow from devouring a maiden's hand? I cannot believe I am alone.
-- Laszlo Dracula, The Secret Life of Laszlo, Count Dracula, Roderick Anscombe

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

All bountiful Creator! Dutifully enlightening friendly god! Helpfully intricate jaundiced kindly libationee! Majestically neat Oracle! Pleasantly quick revealer! Sturdy teller! Understanding voyager! Wonderful xylophonist! Yon Zotteer!

What would be the best selections of drinks for an alphabet drunk? I'd like to start with apricot schnapps, but what do you suggest for the rest of the drinks?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

Well, after the apricot schnapps, any booze will do. Then, a cold one. After that, just drink. Ethanol might do you well at this point. You've still got full bottles? Start guzzling now. Then get into the hard liquor. Ingest whatever you can still handle. Just drink it. Maybe another Kahlua? Liquor! More liquor! Now for the real treat. Order another couple of rounds. Take a pull from your growing collection of bottles. Quaff it if it's close. Remove it from the bottles. Suck it down. Try something new. Urine trouble now. Vodka! If you can still recognize your fine wine, drink it. Exact every last drop. You're not sick yet? Zzzzz...

You oowe thee Orracle a mixxxed drink thaat uses alll thee lletters off thee allffabet.

-- From the Usenet Oracle

Pseudocoitoxenohematomysonecropyrobestio-acroclaustro-ochlohydrophobia: The fear of being forced to pretend to have sex with the unfamiliar bloody infected corpse of a flaming animal at 15,000 feet in a small crowded wading pool.
-- Royce Williams, I think playing with phobias in his Abnormal Psych class.

Let's see, I've got faded black jeans, shiny black jacket, solid black shirt, semi-shiny/semi-scuffed black boots...dear lord, my blacks don't match! Hellfuck! Call in airforce 1, and get me to some trendy clothes store now!
--Lucian X, on the subject of gothic color-coordination, or lack thereof.

Why are my floppy disks melted and unusable when I eject them?
You are probably putting them into a toaster. Don't worry, this is a common mistake. There is a class action suit in progress that requires toaster manufacturers to install a special chip to disable the heating element when magnetic media is inserted. Currently, only DOS disk formats are supported but it will be upgraded should any Mac user join the suit. An alternative plan to require toaster slots smaller than a disk appears to be stalled over concerns of possible damage to floppy drive mechanisms from the new, smaller bread slices.
-- In the README from a shareware program I was checking out...creebers, I don't even remember which. I'll try to correct this sometime in the near future...

Emergency broadcast network license agreement:
Carefully read the following terms and conditions before operating this product. By opening this package you have broken the seal. By breaking the seal, you are agreeing to become bound by the terms of this agreement. If you do not agree with any or all of the terms of this agreement, you should not have opened this package.
Limitation of damages: EBN shall not be liable for any direct, indirect, special, or consequential physical, technical, or psychological damages to people or equipment resulting from the use of or inability to use this product, including any and all personal or group disorder, injury, trauma or other types of unusual behavioral abnormalities or modifications, including loss of memory, loss of consciousness, loss of will, loss of profits, loss of savings, depression, euphoria, disorientation, hallucination, dizziness, drowsiness, nausea, vomiting, blurred vision, irregular urination or defecation, slurred speech, shortened attention span, paranoia, involuntary muscle spasm, reduced or increased sexual activity, altered sexual orientation, expanded or retracted consciousness, division or multiplication of personality, resulting in perceived or actual threats to personal, legal, religious, or global belief systems, social orders, national or international population control methods as a result of individual or mass dissent, conspiracy, popular upheaval, armed rebellion, terrorism, counterrevolutionary terror, mass genocide, or general tactical, strategic or total offensive, defensive, conventional or nuclear warfare causing death or dismemberment as a result of using this product.
Restrictions: You may or may not reproduce, enjoy, or distribute copies of this program to others or electronically transfer, broadcast or otherwise share the information contained in whole or in part in this program from one computer, CD-player, analog or digital video or audio tape, or disc recorder, to another. This program contains trade secrets, and in order to protect them, you may or may not attempt to decompile, reverse engineer, disassemble, rearrange, breakdown, resample, remix, re-edit, decipher, comprehend, or otherwise reveal the original source material comprising the content of this program which may or may not contain any and all alleged or apparent coded, hidden or otherwise scrambled meanings, messages, subliminal or subconscious suggestions, orders or instructions or any perceived logical pattern or regularity of any kind.
License: You may or may not use this program on single or multiple machines, or copy the program into any machine-readable or printed form for backup, modification or personal, individual, or group enjoyment, amusement, or other leisure purposes, or transfer, broadcast, televise, transmit, or play the program in whole or in part to another party if the other party agrees to accept all the terms and conditions of this agreement.
Termination: This agreement is effective until terminated. You may or may not attempt to terminate this agreement by destroying this program, together with any permitted copies. By destroying this program you are forfeiting any and all liabilities which you have incurred as a result of purchasing this product. By terminating this agreement you are no longer subject to any or all benefits, rewards, or other positive side-effects resulting from continued use of this product. This agreement shall be null and void if the seal is broken.
-- License agreement from the Emergency Broadcast Network cd-rom data on Telecommunication Breakdown

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