Perverts Anonymous Qualification Exam
(Purity Test III)
Version ?:  ? ?, 198?
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Public domain, no copyright.  All rights wronged, all wrongs reversed.  Up with going down.  The risen flesh commands:  let there be love.  Murphy's law on sex:  Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.  Chaste makes waste.  Virginity can be cured.
This document was not sponsored by the Department of Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, and was not monitored by the Air Force Avionics Laboratory.  The views and conclusions contained in this document should not be interpreted as representing the official policies, either expressed or implied, of the Defense Advanced Projects Agency or the US Government.  Neither should it be interpreted nor inferred that the authors/contributors have actually performed any of the actions contained herein.
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Disclaimer of Liability

The user of this test acknowledges that sex is a hazardous sport; that a person must copulate in control, and use good judgement at all times; that partners' conditions vary constantly and are greatly affected by weather changes and previous use; and that dirty sheets, variations in terrain and bed surfaces, spouses/pimps/managers, forest growth, rocks and debris, clothed obstacles, and many other natural and man-made obstacles and hazards including other users and customers, exist throughout the bedroom area.  Personal managers (pimps/spouses) and sado-masochistic operations and equipment are constantly in use and may be hazardous to those not copulating in control.  Impotence, collisions, and social diseases resulting in injury can happen at any time, even to those copulating in control with proper sexual equipment.  Inherent resks are part of the sport and may exist within your partner.  As a condition of being permitted to use the facilities of your partner, the user of this test agrees to copulate in control and within the limits of his/her ability, and further acknowledges and accepts these hazards, dangers, and risks and assumes the risk of injury or loss to person or damage to property which might result from use of the partner's facilities.
As a further condition of being permitted to use the facilities of your partner, the customer understands and agrees that:  (1) in the event of a transfer of use by another or anything else that in the management's opinion is misconduct, misuse, kinky, impotence, or a nuisance, this service may be revoked without refund; (2) the partner is the property of the harem and, upon request, s/he must be presented to any authorized representative of the pimp/spouse; (3) sexual equipment must be visibly displayed at all times when you are in any bedroom and when approaching the bed to copulate.  Your sexual partner is not transferable; see Theft of Services, V.S.A., sections 2581 and 2582.
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Instructions For Use

This is a fairly long test consisting of five hundred questions.  It starts out tame and gets progressively worse (or better, depending on your viewpoint).  There are many ways of going about taking this test.  You can, of course, as your right, guaranteed by the Constitution, be anti-social and sequester yourself in your room and take this test all by yourself; however, we feel that the funnest way to utilize this test is to hold a Purity Test Party.  All you need is one copy of the test, and a bunch of friends.  Lots of writing instruments and paper would be helpful, too.
The person with the copy of the Purity Test is the test administrator; s/he reads the questions out loud and everybody else marks down one point for every "yes" answer.  We have no definite rules as to whether the participants are required to divulge their answers, that is up to the group to decide.  However, each person's Purity Test score should be made common knowledge.  The person with the highest score gets to be giggled at for the rest of his/her life.  This works great at parties, and lets everybody know who's easy and who isn't, so you'll know who to go home with.  Don't leave home without it.
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Definitions

All questions in this test pertain to events that have happened to you subsequent to your weaning and babyhood/infancy.  Anything that may have happened before that time is considered null and void.
The term "mutual masturbation" refers to someone masturbating you and/or you masturbating someone else, not exclusively at the same time.
We would also like to define having sex in the homosexual case:  homosexual sex has occurred when both partners are of the same sex and one of the partners has an orgasm while there is some contact between the genitals of both partners.
Necking:  the kissing or stroking of a persons head or neck, the stroking of arms, hands, or back.
Petting:  the above plus the caressing or fondling of other portions of anatomy; through or underneath clothing.
Sexual activity:  all of the above, plus what your purile imagination dreams up.
Posslq:  "Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters"  Beaurocrat for live-in lover.
All technicalities count.
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On the whole, this is biased for experience and, hence, age.  If you're still too young to qualify, well, these things take time.
Remember:  the conjugation is "I am erotic, You are kinky, They are perverts."

Most of all, this is entertainment.  Have as much fun in the taking as was had in the making.
And yes, technicalities count.
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I  	Good, Clean, "Wholesome" Activities.

Have you:
1.	hugged somebody?
2.	kissed a friend or stranger as a friendly gesture?
3.	kissed a friend or stranger as an unfriendly gesture?
4.	held hands with someone?
5.	been on a date?
6.	been on a date past one a.m.?
7.	stood someone up?
8.	dated someone on a regular basis?
9.	slam danced?
10.	slow danced?
11.	copped a feel while slow dancing?
12.	tangoed?
13.	waltzed?
14.	french kissed?
15.	necked?
16.	attended sub races, watched for UFO's, or similar activities?
17.	hot tubbed in mixed company (jacuzzi or whirlpool)?
18.	hot tubbed in the nude?
19.	hot tubbed in the nude in mixed company?
20.	while hot tubbing been groped under the water?
21.	while hot tubbing groped someone under the water?
22.	saunaed or steam bathed in mixed company?
23.	saunaed or steam bathed in the nude?
24.	saunaed or steam bathed in the nude in mixed company?
25.	put suntan lotion, cocoa butter, or baby oil on someone (at beach or pool)?
26.	had someone put suntan lotion, cocoa butter, or baby oil on you?
27.	played post office (or other kissing game)?
28.	played pony express (post office with more horsing around)?
29.	played Twister (extra point for Strip Twister)?
30.	been picked up?
31.	picked someone up?
32.	picked up sailors (soldiers, marines)?
33.	had a one night stand?
34.	been hit by a thrown chalk eraser (by the teacher)?
35.	been in intellectual combat with an unarmed person, and not given them a running head start?
36.	been on a pub crawl?
37.	slept on watch?
38.	slept in your undies?
39.	slept in the nude?
40.	slept in class?
41.	interrupted a lecture with your snoring?
42.	bundled (archaic; the sharing of sleeping arrangements by persons of the opposite sex while clothed.  In theory, nothing goes on)?
43.	played footsie or 'kneesie?'
44.	played footsie or 'kneesie' with someone not your date, significant other, or spouse?
45.	been unable to share a bed; sleeping bag or other sleeping arrangements without something steamy happening?
46.	used tickling as a pickup or getting to know you better activity?
47.	lusted in your heart for someone without their knowledge?
48.	been in or started a food fight?
49.	photocopied parts of your body, such as your face, hands, or feet?
50.	read the Song of Solomon?
51.	read The National Geographic?
52.	played doctor?
53.	kissed and told?
54.	been unable to cuss someone out in language acceptable in polite society (e.g. is your cussing run of the mill, or do you have some class)?
55.	used 'fuck' or 'shit' as a noun, adverb, adjective, pronoun, infix, suffix, prefix, or prepositional article in a sentence?
56.	done something that you don't want someone to know about (parents, employer, boy/girlfriend, spouse, roommate)?
57.	never been amused about something you thought too embarrassing to explain to another?
58.	cussed in your sleep?
59.	worn a strapless gown?
60.	skipped class?
61.	skipped class with the teacher?
62.	refused to be with someone because they whistled dirty songs?
63.	been a bore?
64.	been bar hopping?
65.	been overcome by celibacy and didn't like it?
66.	been to a cocktail party?
67.	drank beer because you like to piss?
68.	dyed a pet strange colors (green, pink or purple)?
69.	dyed your hair an outrageous color (deliberately)?

II	Autoerotics (No, it doesn't mean 'love of cars')

Have you:
70.	scratched and sniffed any catalog?
71.	had an arousing or sexually explicit dream (wet dream and the like)?
72.	read or bought erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit periodicals?
73.	read or bought pornographic material that night be described as really gross?
74.	subscribed to any erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit material?
75.	read erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit books?
76.	read classic pornographic books (Candy, Fanny Hill, Naked Comes the Stranger)
77.	been bored while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature?
78.	been afraid you were slipping into monogamy?
79.	written erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit literature (lust letters count)?
80.	misspelled 'dirty' words, or misspelled other words as 'dirty' words?
81.	read any sex manuals (e.g. Joy of Sex, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex)?
82.	read Krafft-Ebing's Psychopathia Sexualis?
83.	read the Kama Sutra?
84.	read any Presidential report on obscenity?
85.	underlined or marked 'good' parts?
86.	made an obscene phone call anonymously (to someone you didn't know)?
87.	received an anonymous obscene phone call?
88.	received an obscene phone call that turned you on?
89.	called any recorded phone sex number (the 900 numbers)?
90.	called any live sex numbers?
91.	recorded an obscene call for later playback?
92.	worked at a live sex number?
93.	masturbated?
94.	masturbated more than four rimes in 24 hours?
95.	masturbated on a regular basis (more than once a week)?
96.	masturbated to orgasm?
97.	fantasized about someone while masturbating?
98.	fantasized while masturbating that you were of the opposite sex?
99.	masturbated while reading erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit material?
100.	masturbated while reading textbooks (biology or human sexuality don't count)?
101.	masturbated while watching an R or X rated movie in private (cable, videotape, or film)?
102.	masturbated while watching an R or X rated movie in public (a theatre)?
103.	been caught masturbating?
104.	adjusted your genitals in public (you'd think they'd be set at the factory)?
105.	affected an accent (SCA or theatre don't count)?
106.	asked a friend, of their new male friend, "Éis he hung?"
107.	sent a strip-o-gram?
108.	done a strip tease for someone?
109.	been to a burlesque show (Rocky Horror counts)?
110.	participated in a Rocky Horror Picture Show production (costume, etc.)?
111.	been to a peep show?
112.	been to a live sex show?
113.	been to an erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movie?
114.	been to a private showing of an erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movie (the classic 'stag' party, even if you're female)?
115.	held a private showing of an erotic, pornographic, or sexually explicit movie?
116.	practiced autoerotic asphyxia (trying to heighten your sexual pleasure through semi-suffocation)?
117.	bought or made a codpiece or padded bra?
118.	worn a codpiece or padded bra?
119.	wished you were of the opposite sex?
120.	decided that if you were to be of the opposite sex you'd want to be a homosexual?
121.	had a friend of the opposite sex that you traded clothes with?
122.	had a sex change operation?
123.	worn clothing that was 'revealing' (either of your figure, or that emphasized 'strategic' locations)?
124.	worn clothing that you didn't know was that revealing (like the seat was ripped out or such)?
125.	gone for more than one day in the same set of underwear?
126.	been in public without wearing underwear?
127.	photocopied personal portions of your body (tits, ass, or genitals)?
128.	programmed a computer to orgasm (yours or theirs, doesn't matter)?
129.	cruised (in an automobile)?
130.	cruised the bars?
131.	cruised the gay bars?
132.	cruised the leather bars?

III	Ethical Considerations

Have you:
133.	plotted to murder someone (commission is covered later)?
134.	told bad jokes?
135.	made puns?
136.	made puns on obscenities (e.g. "Knock knock."  "Who's there?"  "Fornication."  "Fornication who?"  "Fornication like this you should wear a black tie.")?
137.	told shaggy dog stories?
138.	flubbed a punch line?
139.	held a grudge?
140.	recited limericks?
141.	served cheap booze?
142.	passed cheap booze as the expensive stuff?
143.	not paid your library fine?
144.	lied?
145.	been in adultery (technically it's only if you were married, but here it counts if you weren't)?
146.	started a fight?
147.	started a bar fight?
148.	started a brawl?
149.	instigated a raid (panty or otherwise)?
150.	instigated a border raid?
151.	instigated a border war?
152.	watched Benny Hill, Monty Python, Dr. Ruth, Donahue, Geraldo or Oprah?
153.	watched primetime soaps?
154.	not considered living together without benefit of clergy or legal sanction a sin (can't live in sin if you don't believe in it)?
155.	not respected the sanctity of living in sin (e.g. hit up on someone regardless of whether they lived with another)?
156.	implied greater or lesser non-sexual experience than you actually possessed?
157.	implied greater or lesser sexual experience than you actually possessed?
158.	had sex with someone whose name you didn't know at the time?
159.	had sex with someone whose name you still don't know?
160.	had sex with someone whose name you don't remember?
161.	had sex with someone whose language you don't (or didn't) know?
162.	had sex with someone whose name you didn't want to know?
163.	had sexual activity with someone ten or more years younger than you?
164.	had sexual activity with someone ten or more years older than you?
165.	had sex with someone half your age?
166.	had sex with someone twice your age?
167.	had sex with someone for revenge (on them, on their current or ex-, on your current or ex-)?
168.	lied about how old you were for the purpose of sexual activity?
169.	lied about how old you were in order to obtain alcohol?
170.	broken you word, vow, or promise?
171.	told someone you loved them when you did not?
172.	were nice to someone in hopes of having sex with them?
173.	told someone that you loved them strictly because you wanted sex with them?
174.	fantasized during sexual activity about somebody other than the one present during sexual activity?
175.	fantasized during sexual activity that you were somebody else?
176.	faked orgasm (guys too)?
177.	told them they were great when they weren't?
178.	intentionally 'eavesdropped' while others were engaged in sexual activity?
179.	plotted conspiracy?
180.	shown erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit movies or videos to get someone in the mood?
181.	used alcohol to lower someone's inhibitions about sexual activity (yours included)?
182.	used another drug to lower someone's inhibitions about sexual activity (yours included)?
183.	dipped into capital (been unable to live on one's investment income.  An 'old-money' no-no.  If you have to ask, the answer is no.)?
184.	traded on inside information?
185.	ignored someone because you didn't want to admit you had sex with them?
186.	wanted something or someone that someone else has, simply because they have it and you don't (coveted)?
187.	gone steady with two or more people with one person unaware of the other(s)?
188.	gone steady with two or more people with all aware of the other(s)?
189.	implied having had sex with someone when you hadn't?
190.	denied having sex with someone when you had (not telling your parents is merely survival)?
191.	gossiped?
192.	been in military service?
193.	put an ad in the persons to persons?
194.	put an ad in for a sex partner?
195.	advertised for a sex partner including a photograph?
196.	answered an advert for a sex partner?
197.	exited through a window because someone came home unexpectedly?
198.	taken someone someplace to be seen in their company?
199.	taken someone someplace to be seen in their company by someone in particular?
200.	been in a wet t-shirt contest?
201.	judged a wet t-shirt contest?
202.	given your daughter(s) unusual names (Shanda Lear, Laurel Ann Hardy)?
203.	given your cat or dog a mowhawk or punk hairdo?
204.	given your son(s) unusual names (Dweezil)?
205.	gone to a scary movie as an excuse to get close to someone?
206.	fed live animals to pets (e.g. baby chicks to the pit bull)?
207.	fed someone 'tref' (e.g. non-kosher food.  Only counts if they were keeping kosher at the time)?
208.	mixed meat and dairy?
209.	eaten 'tref' (e.g. non-kosher food.  Only counts if you were keeping kosher at the time)?
210.	eaten during daylight during Ramadan?
211.	eaten red meat on Friday (a Roman Catholic no-no)?
212.	fed someone dogfood?
213.	been in a gross out contest?
214.	been in a gross out contest and won?
215.	hired someone more for their looks?
216.	tried wife- (or husband-) swapping?
217.	wanted to trade them in for a working model?
218.	been willing to trade 'em off cheap?
219.	told somebody something 'for their own good?'
220.	had sex without the use of a birth control method more effective than prayer (Oh God don't let me/her get pregnant)?
221.	had sex without the use of even prayer (they call people who do this frequently 'parents')?
222.	welshed on a bet or wager?
223.	offered sexual favors as payoff for a wager?
224.	offered another's sexual favors as payoff for your wager?
225.	feared that you might be (or caused someone to be) unintentionally pregnant?
226.	always accepted sex (never refused it regardless of race, creed, color, religion, age, gender, or condition)?
227.	found out you were (or caused someone to be) unintentionally pregnant?
228.	offered sex for money or other consideration (a better grade, raise, 'services rendered')?
229.	had sex with someone who was merely doing you a favor?
230.	demanded sex for money or other consideration ("Put out or walk"/"I'll scream if you don't" are but the more blatant forms)?
231.	coerced someone into having sex with you (you were going to be impossible to be with unless your hormone level was lowered)?
232.	accepted sex for money or other consideration (a better grade, raise, 'services rendered')?
233.	offered a sympathy fuck?
234.	offered a sympathy fuck and been rejected?
235.	drank all but the last quarter inch from the milk carton or water bottle and put it back in the cooler (so you wouldn't have to refill it)?
236.	attempted to corrupt someone's morals?
237.	attempted to corrupt someone's morals and discover it was too late?
238.	attempted to corrupt someone's morals only to discover they know things you don't?
239.	woke up the next morning with the computer keyboard on your pillow (you might be programming too much)?
240.	tried to convince your partner that intercourse would help prevent/relieve cramps?
241.	tried to convince your partner that oral sex was good for the complexion?
242.	considered sperm a protein supplement?
243.	questioned someone about their sex life when they were incapable of not answering (e.g. they were truly wasted, or talking in their sleep)?
244.	questioned a significant other about their sex life when they were incapable of not answering?
245.	used whatever they said against them?
246.	kited checks?

III	Legal Technicalities

Have you:
247.	deliberately bounced a check?
248.	shoplifted?
249.	'borrowed' something of value with no intention of returning it ('borrowing' kleenex, condoms, or tampons doesn't count)?
250.	written graffiti?
251.	committed murder?
252.	attempted to commit murder?
253.	succeeded?
254.	had a fake ID?
255.	manufactured fake ID's?
256.	speeded (automotive, not pharmaceutical)?
257.	drag raced (on the street)?
258.	driven without a license?
259.	driven while suspended?
260.	bought or sold anything on the black market?
261.	stolen any item or cash?
262.	stolen a kiss?
263.	used bootleg software?
264.	plotted felony (that's conspiracy and may count)?
265.	operated a vehicle or piece of machinery while intoxicated?
266.	plotted treason (betrayal of state secrets)?
267.	lead someone to believe they were the father when they weren't?
268.	lead someone to believe they weren't the father when they were?
269.	been liable for arrest on a morals charge (pandering, pimping, prostitution, impersonating a human behind)?
270.	been a pool, card or chess shark?
271.	been to a dog or cock fight?
272.	incited to riot?
273.	plotted a coup (civic class doesn't count)?
274.	committed sedition (planning to overthrow the government)?
275.	committed sedation (bored an audience to sleep)?
276.	committed treason?
277.	been thought politically unreliable?
278.	been thought politically reliable?
279.	looted, raped, pillaged, or burned (the Barbarian Pentathalon)?
280.	bought alcohol for minors?
281.	sent a chain letter?
282.	started a chain letter?
283.	made unregistered explosive devices (bombs)?
284.	made or acquired 'elint' (electronic intelligence) equipment (bugs)?
285.	installed or used 'elint' equipment (wiretaps, tape recorders, etc.)?
286.	been in the badger game?
287.	stayed for a second feature having only paid for the first?
288.	removed the tag that says "Do not remove under penalty of law?"
289.	rode public transportation without paying?
290.	raised tuition/rent money by streetwalking?
291.	pistol whipped someone?
292.	been a bigamist?
293.	carried concealed weapons?
294.	evaded taxes?
295.	evaded custom duties by not declaring something subject to a duty or tax?
296.	had someone buy you alcohol while you were still a minor?
297.	been cited in divorce proceedings as the other woman/man?
298.	been cited in divorce proceedings as the other woman/man and wished you actually were?
299.	deliberately failed to pay child support?
300.	bought your own alcohol while still a minor?
301.	been drunk while still a minor?
302.	had sexual activity while under the age of consent (masturbation doesn't count)?
303.	had sexual activity while under the age of consent with someone over the age of consent?
304.	had sexual activity since reaching the age of consent with someone under the age of consent?
305.	plagiarized?
306.	been to a 'public bath'?
307.	patronized a prostitute?
308.	been to a 'massage parlor'?
309.	been to a brothel as a customer?
310.	been to a brothel as an employee?
311.	contracted a 'social disease' (not just the common cold)?
312.	contracted mono?
313.	been treated for exposure to an STD (sexually transmitted disease) because someone you'd been with had been?
314.	had sex with someone knowing you had been exposed to an STD?
315.	had sex with someone knowing they had been exposed to an STD?
316.	gotten a 'frequent flier' bonus at the free clinic?

V	Things To Do And People To Do Them With (The Nitty And The Gritty)

Are you now, or have you ever been:
317.	engaged in heterosexual activity (with a member of the opposite sex)?
318.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
319.	engaged in homosexual activity (with a member of your sex)?
320.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
321.	engaged in incestuous activity (with a member of your family)?
322.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
323.	engaged in homosexual incest (with a member of your family and gender)?
324.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
325.	engaged in bisexual activity (defined here as sexual activity with both genders on a relatively even ratio for the period of time in question)?
326.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
327.	engaged in bestiality (sex with non-humans, not the merely subhuman)?
328.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
329.	engaged in xenoeroticism (sexual activity with alien life forms)?
330.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
331.	engaged in pedophillia (sexual activity with pre-teenage children)?
332.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
333.	engaged in bondage (voluntarily, you had some control on initiation)?
334.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
335.	engaged in sodomy (defined as either:  1) copulation with a member of the same sex or with animals or 2) non-coital intercourse, esp. anal or oral copulation with the opposite sex)?
336.	practiced zipitage (picking other people's zits)?
337.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
338.	performed analingus (oral stimulation of the anus)?
339.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
340.	cross dressed (dressing in clothing of the opposite sex)?
341.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
342.	Cross dressed for a party or as a joke and discovered you liked it?
343.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
344.	practiced necrophilia (sex with the dead)?
345.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
346.	practiced zombiphilia (sex with the undead)?
347.	had a leather fetish?
348.	had a rubber fetish (insisting on the use of rubbers doesn't count)?
349.	performed anal intercourse ("That'd have to be in the butt, Bob.")?
350.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
351.	caused another person pain for your pleasure (it's called 'sadism')?
352.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
353.	had another inflict pain for your own pleasure (it's called 'masochism')?
354.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
355.	tied up a masochist and refused to cause them pain (it's called 'cruel')?
356.	used Schedule I (USC 21, sec 812 ©) drugs (synthetic opiates, meth-amphetamines, marijuana, hallucinogens, LSD)?
357.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
358.	used Schedule II (USC 21, sec 812 ©) drugs (opium, coca leave products [Coca Cola doesn't count])?
359.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
360.	used Schedule III (USC 21, sec 812 ©) drugs (barbituates, lysergic acid, amphetamines)?
361.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
362.	used Schedule IV (USC 21, sec 812 ©) drugs (Barbital, chloral Hydrate, Phenobarbital)?
363.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
364.	abused Schedule V (USC 21, sec 812 ©) drugs (codeine)?
365.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
366.	intentionally urinated on someone (it's called 'golden showers,' 'water sports,' or 'piss fights')?
367.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
368.	intentionally defecated on someone (it's called sick)?
369.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
370.	intentionally urinated on yourself?
371.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
372.	intentionally defecated on yourself?
373.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
374.	mutilated animals for your own pleasure?
375.	If you answered 'yes' would you do it again?  If you answered 'no' have you considered doing so?
376.	flirted?
377.	flirted with in-laws?

VI	Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

Have you:
378.	considered the song "I Want To Hold Your Hand" suggestive?
379.	considered 'why don't we do it in the road' a reasonable question?
380.	been intoxicated from alcohol?
381.	been intoxicated from any other drug?
382.	been intoxicated from a controlled or illicit drug?
383.	introduced someone to 'drugs' in general?
384.	introduced someone to a new (to them) drug?
385.	used over the counter drugs for purposes of getting intoxicated?
386.	taken any drug that you weren't sure what it was, just to find out what it does (foolish you)?
387.	used prescription drugs that you didn't 'need' or have the prescription for ('abused' a controlled substance)?
388.	bought or sold a controlled or illicit drug?
389.	bought or sold a controlled or illicit drug wholesale?
390.	sold as a controlled or illicit drug a non-drug item (burned somebody)?
391.	bought a controlled or illicit drug in bulk for personal use?
392.	frequently bought controlled or illicit drugs in bulk for personal use?
393.	had a standing order with your supplier?
394.	taken a non-prescription opiate (heroin, morphine, or opium)?
395.	ingested cocaine (Bolivian marching powder)?
396.	smoked crack?
397.	freebased?
398.	chugged?
399.	sniffed glue?
400.	smoked the killer weed (tobacco)?
401.	smoked the killer weed (marijuana)?
402.	smoked the killer weed (oregano)?
403.	smoked banana peels?
404.	smoked clove cigarettes?
405.	chewed tobacco or snuff?
406.	gargled with hard liquor (no more medicine breath!)?
407.	had alcohol for breakfast?
408.	drank Coke & nutmeg?
409.	drank Coke & aspirin?
410.	made Alice B. Toklas cookies (marijuana or hash brownies)?
411.	eaten Alice B. Toklas cookies?
412.	inhaled nitrous oxide (laughing gas) recreationally?
413.	injected any non-prescription drug into yourself?
414.	injected any non-prescription drug into yourself on more than one occasion?
415.	injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into yourself?
416.	injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into yourself on more than one occasion?
417.	injected any non-prescription drug into someone else?
418.	injected any non-prescription drug into someone else on more than one occasion?
419.	injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into someone else?
420.	injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into someone else on more than one occasion?
421.	spiked a punch with alcohol?
422.	spiked a punch with other drugs?
423.	taken any synthetic hallucinogen (MDA, STP, Deep Purple, or Sandoz)?
424.	did you understand the examples in the last question?
425.	ingested any 'natural' hallucinogen (peyote, mescoline, 'shrooms, orgut)?
426.	had a bad trip?
427.	gotten a bad batch?
428.	taken hallucinogens for enlightenment, or other philosophical reasons?
429.	taken PCP or other veterinary drug?
430.	taken any 'designer' drugs?
431.	used the list of controlled drugs as a checklist (USC title 21, sec 812)
432.	been to a rock concert?
433.	been to a heavy metal concert?
434.	been to a Frank Zappa concert?
435.	been to a Barry Manilow concert?
436.	listened to acid rock?
437.	listened to acid rock while on acid?
438.	been a groupie?
439.	been a roadie?
440.	thought about starting a band to meet groupies?
441.	thought about starting a band to get good dope?
442.	told someone you were with the band?
443.	told someone you were with the band, and it worked?
444.	played records backwards to hear the secret messages?
445.	found the secret message recorded backwards on the album?
446.	sung dirty songs, the kind with no subtlety in the lyrics (e.g. Let's Get Drunk And Screw)?
447.	sung bawdy songs (e.g. Polka Dot Undies, Do Your Ears Hang Low, the Bottle Song)?
448.	composed bawdy lyrics?
449.	done speed or meth-amphetamine?
450.	made or synthesized your own drugs?
451.	made or synthesized drugs 'commercially' (been the lab)?
452.	grown your own?
453.	bred your own?
454.	bought 'moonshine' (any alcoholic beverage made outside the Federal limit of 200 gallons annually for personal consumption)?
455.	brewed your own?
456.	had sex while stoned or drunk?
457.	used any drug when you were too wasted to know if it had any effect (e.g. smoked pot while blitzed)?
458.	taken mood altering drugs without prescription (valium or quaalude)?
459.	been told you had sex the night before and you can't remember a thing?
460.	awaken the next morning wondering where you were?
461.	awaken the next morning wondering if you had a good time?
462.	awaken the next morning wondering where you were, and who's that next to you?
463.	awaken the next morning wondering who you were?
464.	felt like the Three Bears (who's been sleeping in my bed)?
465.	felt like Baby Bear (who's that sleeping in my bed)?
466.	ever thrown up from too much alcohol (aka driven the porcelain bus, blown chips, tossing your cookies, the technicolor yawn, praying to the porcelain god)?
467.	ever had blackouts (periods where you don't remember what happened)?
468.	been hung over?
469.	had a hangover last more than one day?
470.	taken the hair of the dog that bit you?

VII	The Erotic, The Kinky, The Tacky And The Possibly Perverted

Have you:
471.	been a member of a fraternity or sorority?
472.	said "I'm normal, it's everyone else that's weird?"
473.	told dirty jokes in mixed company?
474.	discussed masturbation?
475.	french kissed below the waist?
476.	discussed oral sex techniques (in general, not as part of a lesson)?
477.	asked for instructions in oral sex techniques (again, lecture, not lab)?
478.	given lessons in oral sex techniques ("Pay attention, I'm only going to do this onceÉ!")?
479.	demonstrated oral sex techniques with a 'visual aid' (carrot, cucumber or taco)?
480.	demonstrated oral sex techniques with an assistant?
481.	demonstrated oral sex techniques for more than one person at a time?
482.	played any game which required the removal of clothing (strip poker, Monopoly or chess)?
483.	deliberately lost a game which required the removal of clothing (folding with four aces)?
484.	owned a collection of underwear not your own?
485.	been attracted to someone more by an article of their clothing than by their body?
486.	been a voyeur (without their knowledge)?
487.	accepted an invitation to watch?
488.	made an invitation to watch?
489.	disrobed in public?
490.	been to a nude beach?
491.	sunned your buns or tanned your can?
492.	paraded about in the nude (sprints don't count, nor while searching for undies)?
493.	been sad because someone you knew was getting married?
494.	been sad because someone you knew was getting married and now you'd never get to sleep with them?
495.	used your hair for the sexual arousal of others (beards count)?
496.	searched for the G-spot?
497.	searched for the G-spot and found it?
498.	told him he had when he hadn't but you just wanted him out?
499.	rooted for the Klingons?
500.	felt sad because Skywalker killed the Emperor?
501.	rooted for the Wicked Witch?
502.	contemplated the political, social and geometric possibilities of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?
503.	wondered where Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty to wake her up?
504.	wondered about the sex life of Smurfette (the only female on the whole damn show)?
505.	accidentally entered a public restroom of the opposite gender?
506.	accidentally entered a public restroom of the opposite gender, not realizing it till you were through?
507.	intentionally entered a public restroom of the opposite gender (how else can you read the graffiti)?
508.	won the pig pen award for your floor, dorm, fraternity/sorority, college or state?
509.	pissed on an electric fence?
510.	streaked, flashed or otherwise intentionally displayed your bod to the general public (without pay, topless dancing doesn't count)?
511.	streaked, flashed or otherwise intentionally displayed your bod to the general public as part of the job (modeling doesn't count)?
512.	posed nude or semi nude for private drawings, paintings or photographs as a 'favor?'
513.	posed nude or semi nude in public (e.g. art classes) as a 'favor?'
514.	posed as a model for purposes of erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit art?
515.	asked someone to pose nude or semi nude for private drawings, paintings or photographs as a 'favor?'
516.	asked someone to pose nude or semi nude in public (e.g. art classes) as a 'favor?'
517.	asked someone to pose for erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit art or photographs?
518.	asked someone to pose for erotic, pornographic or sexually explicit photographs, and there was no film in the camera?
519.	made lewd, licentious or suggestive gestures while dancing in public?
520.	helped to cover for someone's escapades (provide alibi, accommodations, opportunity)?
521.	been besieged by someone who thought they could satisfy you and make an honest person of you?
522.	been late to work, class or an appointment because you were involved in sexual activity?
523.	read anything by the Marquis de Sade?
524.	drank blood?
525.	been nicknamed for a behavior pattern of yours ('Sleepy')?
526.	been nicknamed for an aberrant behavior pattern of yours ('Sleepy')?
527.	been interrupted by the police while necking, and they were more embarrassed than you?
528.	been an exhibitionist?
529.	had sexual activity with siblings (brothers or sisters not your own)?
530.	had sexual activity simultaneously with both (or however many) siblings?
531.	had sexual activity with a parent and child not your own (mother/daughter, father/son, mother/son, father/daughter)?
532.	both at the same time?
533.	shaved your head?
534.	shaved your pubic region (pits don't count)?
535.	had someone else shave your pubic region?
536.	shaved someone else's pubic region?
537.	had sex during menstruation?
538.	had oral sex with a menstruating woman?
539.	mooned or goosed someone you knew?
540.	mooned or goosed someone you didn't know?
541.	mooned or goosed someone you thought you knew?
542.	stimulated your partner anally (with your finger, vibrator or whatnot)?
543.	been stimulated anally (with a finger, vibrator or whatnot)?
544.	had a spouse, posslq, or date leave you for someone else of their gender (e.g. your husband left you for another man)?
545.	left a spouse, posslq, or date for someone of your gender?
546.	picked your nose in public?
547.	picked someone else's nose (in private, we don't want to know about your perversions)?
548.	had someone else pick your nose?
549.	sexually harassed someone (e.g. made unwanted sexual advances)?
550.	graded someone's act of sexual harassment?
551.	handed out condoms as party favors?
552.	discussed favorite brand of condom?
553.	comparison shopped for condoms (plain or ribbed)?
554.	inflated a condom?
555.	chosen a condom or spermicide for its taste (or lack of)?
556.	bought condoms by the case (wholesale, not just the 'family pack')?
557.	bought any other birth control item (contraceptive jelly or foam, or the pill)?
558.	bought any other birth control item in bulk (the pill, unless you got it for more than one month at a time--that doesn't count)?
559.	used Coke as a contraceptive douche?
560.	carried a condom 'just in case'?
561.	tasted your own sexual fluids?
562.	tasted another's sexual fluids?
563.	complimented someone on their taste?
564.	been complimented on your taste?
565.	had your ears pierced?
566.	had your nose pierced?
567.	pierced someone else's ears?
568.	worn body paint?
569.	worn obscene or suggestive t-shirts?
570.	worn t-shirts with obscene or graphic messages in a language you didn't read?
571.	written dirty fortune cookie fortunes?
572.	gotten a tattoo?
573.	gotten an 'obscene' tattoo (words or pictures)?
574.	gotten a tattoo normally concealed by your clothing (George Schultz has a tiger on his butt)?
575.	gotten a tattoo in an intimate location?
576.	gotten a tattoo normally concealed by your pubic hair?
577.	used any object, longer than it is wide, for sexual purposes (Coke bottle, rolling pin, or feather duster)?
578.	used a feather or other tickling device for the sexual arousal of someone?
579.	been to a funeral as a form of entertainment (ala Harold of "Harold & Maude")?
580.	considered sex the price a woman has to pay for being married ("Just close your eyes and think of England")?
581.	used whipped cream for sexual purposes?
582.	put gravy, syrup, honey or other spreadable food on your partner and licked or eaten it (things go better with butter)?
583.	had spreadable food put on you and eaten or licked off?
584.	used a vibrator for sexual stimulation?
585.	bought ben-wa balls, a vibrator, or other sex toy?
586.	given or received ben-wa balls, a vibrator, or other sex toy?
587.	asked someone to wear a particular article of clothing not because it was 'sexy' but because it turned you on?
588.	tried to figure out the words to "Louie Louie?"
589.	been to a John Water's film ("Pink Flamingos," anything starring Divine)?
590.	more than once?
591.	seen "Eraserhead?"
592.	more than once?
593.	thought of becoming a veterinarian because your first love died of hoof & mouth?
594.	had sex with a dead animal?
595.	had sex in the presence of animals?
596.	thought of becoming a vegetarian because the saddest day in your life was when your first love was sent to market?
597.	thought to make a contribution to science in similar fashion to Madame D'Stael?
598.	urinated anywhere other than in an acceptable location or receptacle (i.e. in a sink, fireplace or wastepaper basket)?
599.	defecated anywhere other than in an acceptable location or receptacle (i.e. in a fireplace, car seat or wastepaper basket)?
600.	tasted or eaten shit?
601.	more than once?
602.	tasted or drunk urine?
603.	more than once?
604.	been a member of the Order, Aryan Nation or the like?
605.	kept unmarked biology specimens in the refrigerator?
606.	kept feces (crap) in the refrigerator (lab specimens don't count)?

VIII	It's Gwendoline Time!  (Bondage)

Have you ever voluntarily:
607.	improvised bondage extemporaneously during sexual activity (e.g. holding someone's wrists over their head)?
608.	considered bondage a way of showing that you care for another person?
609.	been tied up for erotic purposes (ropes, scarves, ties)?
610.	been tied up and fucked?
611.	been tied up and masturbated upon?
612.	been tied up and had to watch others?
613.	been tied up knowing you might be seen by others?
614.	been tied up with the intention of being seen by others?
615.	willingly had your head inserted in a toilet bowl?
616.	inserted someone else's head in a toilet bowl with their consent/acquiescence?
617.	tied someone up for erotic purposes?
618.	tied someone up and fucked them?
619.	tied someone up and masturbated on them?
620.	tied someone up and had them watch?
621.	tied someone up and shown them to others?
622.	been bound in chains?
623.	been bound and had someone whip you?
624.	been whipped until you bled?
625.	had your tongue pierced?
626.	had your lips pierced?
627.	had your other lips pierced (or penis)?
628.	had your nipples pierced?
629.	practiced flagellation?
630.	gotten any good at it?
631.	fantasized of being tied up for erotic purposes?
632.	fantasized of tying someone up for erotic purposes?
633.	fantasized of tying someone up to show them to others?
634.	fantasized of tying someone up to have them watch?
635.	pierced someone else's lips?
636.	pierces someone else's tongue?
637.	pierced someone else's other lips (or penis)?
638.	pierced someone else's nipples?
639.	bound someone in chains (handcuffs, leg irons or plain chain)?
640.	bound someone and whipped them?
641.	whipped someone until they bled?
642.	bought bondage & discipline literature?
643.	read The Story of O?
644.	read both volumes of The Story of O?
645.	seen the movie "The Story of O?"
646.	posed for B&D drawings?
647.	posed for B&D photographs?
648.	asked someone to pose for B&D drawings?
649.	asked someone to pose for B&D photographs?
650.	asked someone to pose for B&D movies?

IX	Non-Platonic Activities (The Steamy Part) Part One

With a male not your spouse or posslq, have you:
651.	been propositioned by a man for necking or petting?
652.	been propositioned by a man for any sexual practice?
653.	been pinched or patted on the buttocks by a man?
654.	been kissed below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
655.	received a hickey (or had the attempt if you are hard to get)?
656.	received a hickey in an intimate location?
657.	received scratch marks or nail marks?
658.	been bit or nibbled upon?
659.	been bit in an intimate location?
660.	had a man fondle or stroke your clothed legs?
661.	had a man fondle or stroke your clothed body?
662.	had a man stroke or fondle your clothed breast or nipple?
663.	had a man pet, stroke, fondle or otherwise handle your covered genitals?
664.	had a man fondle or stroke your bare legs?
665.	had a man fondle or stroke your bare body?
666.	had a man stroke or fondle your bare breast or nipples?
667.	had a man pet, stroke, fondle or otherwise handle your bare genitals?
668.	propositioned a man for necking or petting?
669.	propositioned a man for any sexual practice?
670.	pinched or patted a man's buttocks?
671.	kissed a man below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
672.	petted above or below the waist?
673.	given a hickey?
674.	given a hickey in an intimate location?
675.	left scratches or nail marks?
676.	left teeth marks?
677.	left teeth marks in an intimate location?
678.	fondled or stroked a man's clothed legs?
679.	fondled or stroked a man's clothed body?
680.	stroked or fondled a man's clothed breast or nipple?
681.	petted, stroked, fondled or otherwise handled a man's covered genitals?
682.	fondled or stroked a man's bare legs?
683.	fondled or stroked a man's bare body?
684.	stroked or fondled a man's bare breast or nipple?
685.	petted, stroked, fondled or otherwise handled a man's bare genitals?
686.	been involved with pelvic thrusting while clothed?
687.	had your fingers licked or sucked?
688.	licked or sucked a man's fingers?
689.	had your ear, or ear region licked, breathed upon, sucked or nibbled?
690.	licked, breathed onto, sucked or nibbled a man's ear or ear region?
691.	fondled a man who was asleep?
692.	woken up being fondled?
693.	had sex with a man who was asleep and he didn't wake up?
694.	had sex with a man who was asleep and he did wake up?
695.	slept through sexual activity (him doing it to you)?
696.	woken up in the midst of a man having sexual activity with you?
697.	given a man a backrub or massage with ulterior motives?
698.	given a man a backrub or massage with ulterior motives, and it worked?
699.	been petted to orgasm?
700.	petted to orgasm?
701.	performed fellatio ("oral stimulation of the penis" [Webster])?
702.	gagged when they came in your mouth?
703.	received oral sex?
704.	performed mutual oral sex (69)?
705.	performed mutual masturbation?
706.	watched while a man masturbated?
707.	had a man watch while you masturbated?
708.	orgasmed in him (if possible)?
709.	had him orgasm in you?
710.	orgasmed on him?
711.	had him orgasm on you?
712.	kissed a man (or boy) on a first date?
713.	necked with a man (or boy) on a first date?
714.	petted with a man (or boy) on a first date?
715.	had oral sex on a first date?
716.	given oral sex on a first date?
717.	fucked on a first date?
718.	had oral sex instead of intercourse?
719.	been seen naked under good lighting by a man (note:  nude is expected [e.g. in a shower room or at a nude beach], naked is when you didn't expect to be seen [e.g. in the bathroom])?
720.	seen a man naked under good lighting?
721.	undressed under good lighting, knowing that a man was watching you?
722.	been in a man's company while both of you were nude without anything steamy happening?
723.	bathed or showered with a man?
724.	let a man wash you when you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
725.	washed a man who was perfectly capable of washing himself?
726.	had sex while in the shower?
727.	had sex while taking a bath?
728.	"seduced" a virgin?

X	Son (or daughter) of Steamy Part, Part Two

With a female not your spouse or posslq, have you:
729.	been propositioned by a woman for necking or petting?
730.	been propositioned by a woman for any sexual practice?
731.	been pinched or petted on the buttocks by a woman?
732.	been kissed below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
733.	received a hickey (or had the attempt if you are hard to get)?
734.	received a hickey in an intimate location?
735.	been scratched or marked by her?
736.	been nibbled or bit?
737.	been nibbled or bit in an intimate location?
738.	had a woman fondle or stroke your clothed legs?
739.	had a woman fondle or stroke your clothed body?
740.	had a woman stroke or fondle your clothed breast or nipple?
741.	had a woman pet, stroke, fondle or otherwise handle your covered genitals?
742.	had a woman fondle or stroke your bare legs?
743.	had a woman fondle or stroke your bare body?
744.	had a woman stroke or fondle your bare breast or nipple?
745.	had a woman pet, stroke, fondle or otherwise fondle your bare genitals?
746.	propositioned a woman for necking or petting?
747.	propositioned a woman for any sexual practice?
748.	pinched or patted a woman's buttocks?
749.	kissed a woman below the neck, but not on the hands and arms?
750.	petted above or below the waist?
751.	given a hickey to a woman?
752.	given a hickey in an intimate location?
753.	left scratches or nail marks on her?
754.	left teeth marks?
755.	left teeth marks in an intimate location?
756.	fondled or stroked a woman's clothed legs?
757.	fondled or stroked a woman's clothed body?
758.	stroked or fondled a woman's clothed breast or nipple?
759.	petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a woman's covered genitals?
760.	fondled or stroked a woman's bare legs?
761.	fondled or stroked a woman's bare body?
762.	stroked or fondled a woman's bare breast or nipple?
763.	petted, stroked, fondled, or otherwise handled a woman's bare genitals?
764.	been involved in pelvic thrusting while clothed?
765.	had your fingers licked or sucked?
766.	licked or sucked a woman's fingers?
767.	had your ear, or ear region, licked, breathed upon, sucked or nibbled?
768.	licked, breathed onto, sucked or nibbled a woman's ear?
769.	fondled a woman who was asleep?
770.	woken up being fondled?
771.	had sex with a woman who was asleep and she didn't wake up?
772.	had sex with a woman who was asleep and she did wake up?
773.	slept through sexual activity (her doing it to you)?
774.	woken up in the midst of a woman having sexual activity with you?
775.	given a woman a backrub or massage with ulterior motives?
776.	given a woman a backrub or massage with ulterior motives, and it worked?
777.	been petted to orgasm?
778.	petted to orgasm?
779.	performed cunningulus ("oral stimulation of the vulva or clitoris" Webster)?
780.	received oral sex?
781.	performed mutual oral sex ('69')?
782.	performed mutual masturbation?
783.	watched while a woman masturbated?
784.	had a woman watch while you masturbated?
785.	orgasmed in her (if possible)?
786.	orgasmed on her?
787.	had her orgasm on you?
788.	kissed a woman (or girl) on a first date?
789.	necked with a woman (or girl) on a first date?
790.	petted with a woman (or girl) on a first date?
791.	had oral sex on a first date?
792.	given oral sex on a first date?
793.	fucked on a first date?
794.	had oral sex instead of intercourse?
795.	been seen naked under good lighting by a woman (note:  nude is expected [e.g. in a shower room or at a nude beach], naked is when you didn't expect to be seen [e.g. in the bathroom])?
796.	seen a woman naked under good lighting?
797.	undressed under good lighting, knowing a woman was watching you?
798.	been in a woman's company while both of you were nude without anything steamy happening?
799.	bathed or showered with a woman (non-coed facilities don't count)?
800.	let a woman wash you when you were perfectly able to wash yourself?
801.	washed a woman who was perfectly capable of washing herself?
802.	had sex while in the shower?
803.	had sex while taking a bath?
804.	"seduced" a virgin?

XI	Locality

Have you:
805.	necked while hot tubbing?
806.	had oral sex while hot tubbing?
807.	fucked while hot tubbing?
808.	necked in a sauna or steam bath?
809.	had oral sex in a sauna or steam bath?
810.	fucked in a sauna or steam bath?
811.	necked/petted in a place of religion?
812.	had oral sex in a place of religion?
813.	fucked in a place of religion?
814.	necked/petted in a place of the dead (morgue, cemetery, mortuary, crypt or coffin)?
815.	had oral sex in a place of the dead?
816.	fucked in a place of the dead?
817.	necked/petted in a movie theatre?
818.	had oral sex during a movie?
819.	fucked during a movie?
820.	necked/petted in a sports area (stadium, court, track, or ballfield)?
821.	had oral sex in a sports area?
822.	fucked in a sports area?
823.	necked/petted in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 lbs GWT (a car or small pickup)?
824.	had oral sex in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 lbs GWT?
825.	fucked in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 lbs GWT?
826.	necked/petted in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 lbs GWT (a van, pickup)?
827.	had oral sex in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 lbs GWT?
828.	fucked in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 lbs GWT?
829.	necked/petted in a stationary vehicle of more than 10000 lbs GWT (a semi or RV)?
830.	had oral sex in a stationary vehicle of more than 10000 lbs GWT?
831.	fucked in a stationary vehicle of more than 10000 lbs GWT?
832.	necked/petted in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 lbs GWT (a car or small pickup)?
833.	had oral sex in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 lbs GWT?
834.	fucked in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 lbs GWT?
835.	necked/petted in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 lbs GWT (a van, pickup)?
836.	had oral sex in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 lbs GWT?
837.	fucked in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 lbs GWT?
838.	necked/petted in a moving vehicle of more than 10000 lbs GWT (a semi or RV)?
839.	had oral sex in a moving vehicle of more than 10000 lbs GWT?
840.	fucked in a moving vehicle of more than 10000 lbs GWT?
841.	necked/petted with the operator of a moving vehicle?
842.	had oral sex with the operator of a moving vehicle?
843.	fucked the operator of a moving vehicle?
844.	necked/petted while operating of a moving vehicle?
845.	received oral sex while operating of a moving vehicle?
846.	fucked while operating a moving vehicle?
847.	necked/petted on horseback (just don't scare the horses)?
848.	had oral sex on horseback?
849.	fucked on horseback?
850.	had sex at a public event (such as a rock concert, rally or riot)?
851.	had sex with a hermaphrodite?
852.	necked/petted on a train?
853.	had oral sex on a train?
854.	fucked on a train?
855.	necked/petted on a boat?
856.	had oral sex on a boat?
857.	fucked on a boat?
858.	had oral sex on a ship?
859.	fucked on a ship?
860.	necked/petted on an aircraft in flight?
861.	had oral sex on an aircraft in flight?
862.	fucked on an aircraft in flight?
863.	necked/petted on public transportation (bus, subway, tram or trolley)?
864.	had oral sex on public transportation?
865.	fucked on public transportation?
866.	necked/petted in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet, or other small, non-moving enclosure?
867.	had oral sex in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet, or other small, non-moving enclosure?
868.	fucked in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet, or other small, non-moving enclosure?
869.	necked/petted while in an elevator, on an escalator or other people mover?
870.	had oral sex while in an elevator, on an escalator or other people mover?
871.	fucked while in an elevator, on an escalator or other people mover?
872.	necked/petted while on the roof of a building?
873.	had oral sex while on the roof of a building?
874.	fucked while on the roof of a building?
875.	necked/petted on the roof of a building where others might see you?
876.	had oral sex on the roof of a building where others might see you?
877.	fucked on the roof of a building where others might see you?
878.	necked/petted in the snow?
879.	had oral sex in the snow?
880.	fucked in the snow (now that's fucking cold!)?
881.	had oral sex out of doors?
882.	fucked out of doors?
883.	had oral sex in a semi public location where there was a possibility of discovery?
884.	fucked in a semi public location where there was a possibility of discovery?
885.	had oral sex in a semi public locale because there was a possibility of discovery?
886.	fucked in a semi public locale because there was a possibility of discovery?
887.	necked/petted in a library?
888.	had oral sex in a library?
889.	fucked in a library?
890.	necked/petted in a free flowing body of water (river, lake, swimming pool, ocean)?
891.	had oral sex in a free flowing body of water?
892.	fucked in a free flowing body of water?
893.	had sexual activity in a household room other than the bedroom (kitchen, hallway, living room)?
894.	had sexual activity on the floor?
895.	had sexual activity on a piece of furniture not normally used for resting humans on (i.e. microwave, washing machine, tv [coordinated, aren't you?])?
896.	showered with a member of the opposite sex in a 'non-coed' facility (locker room, dorm shower, whatever)?
897.	had oral sex while showering with a member of the opposite sex in a 'non-coed' facility?
898.	fucked while showering with a member of the opposite sex in a 'non-coed' facility?

XII	Style

Have you:
899.	pointed and laughed?
900.	eaten oysters?
901.	eaten prairie oysters?
902.	eaten a banana in a provocative manner?
903.	eaten an ice cream cone in a provocative manner?
904.	used an aphrodisiac?
905.	used amyl nitrate?
906.	taken something to 'improve' your performance?
907.	coined 'pet' names for your genitalia?
908.	coined 'pet' names for your partner's genitalia?
909.	taken notes during arguments, in order to remember the good lines?
910.	volunteered to sleep in the wet spot?
911.	accepted sex and now wish you hadn't?
912.	turned down sex and now wish you hadn't?
913.	not considered having different partners annually promiscuous?
914.	not considered having different partners monthly promiscuous?
915.	not considered having different partners weekly promiscuous?
916.	not considered having different partners daily promiscuous?
917.	not considered having more than one partner at a time promiscuous?
918.	considered having a 'takeaticket' machine installed (as in "now serving numberÉ")?
919.	made or taken a phone call during sexual activity with someone?
920.	during sexual activity, had your partner make or take a phone call with their parent, spouse, or other important person?
921.	had a general emergency arise during sexual activity (e.g. flood, fire, hurricane or Norse Stickball)?
922.	had a minor emergency arise during sexual activity (e.g. muscle cramp, asthma attack, somebody at the door)?
923.	during sexual activity had any crisis that now causes you great merriment (e.g. the bed broke, couldn't get the condom on)?
924.	had nude snapshots taken of you?
925.	taken nude snapshots of someone else?
926.	given nude snapshots, drawings or other artwork of yourself to someone?
927.	engaged in sex for more than three hours in a single session with the same partner?
928.	engaged in sex for more than three hours in a single session with multiple partners?
929.	performed ritual sexual activity as part of a religious practice (Tantric Yoga or Fertility Rites)?
930.	had or caused multiple orgasms?
931.	had sex until one of you was sore?
932.	intentionally been bruised or injured during any sort of sexual activity?
933.	intentionally bruised or injured someone during any sexual activity?
934.	spanked someone before or during sex?
935.	been sore on the morning after?
936.	had sex to Ravel's "Bolero?"
937.	had sex to the "Blue Danube?"
938.	had sex to any other classical selection?
939.	disturbed others with the noise from your sexual activity?
940.	been a screamer?
941.	fucked dorsally ('doggy' style)?
942.	fucked in the female superior position?
943.	fucked sitting up?
944.	fucked standing up?
945.	fucked while still clothed ('down with trousers, up with dresses!')?
946.	fallen asleep during sex?
947.	talked dirty during sexual activity?
948.	fainted as a result of orgasm (give them a stud point!)?
949.	had sex before breakfast?
950.	has sex instead of lunch?
951.	had a 'quickie?'
952.	had your partner fall asleep during intercourse or oral sex?
953.	had your partner faint during intercourse or oral sex as a result of orgasm (take a stud point!)?
954.	been in intimate contact with more than one nude person at one time?
955.	had sex more than five times in twenty-four hours?
956.	had sex with more than one person in a twenty-four hour period?
957.	gone in public after sex without bathing (and you're sure everyone can tell it, too)?
958.	had sex with both genders in a twenty-four hour period?
959.	watched your partner engage in sexual activity with someone else?
960.	intentionally made 'animal' noises during sex?
961.	had a pet or domesticated animal walk over you or your partner while your were involved in sexual activity?
962.	been involved in breast fucking (aka the Hawaiian Muscle Fuck)?
963.	participated in fist-fucking (see "Caligula")?
964.	gone through two or more sexual positions without the need for re-entry?
965.	invited someone to join in a menage-a-trois?
966.	participated on an orgy or similar group activity?
967.	made an invitation to join in an orgy or similar group activity?
968.	been engaged in sexual activity when the parent/spouse/boy (or girl) friend of either of you returned unexpectedly?
969.	been engaged in sexual activity when the parent/spouse/boy (or girl) friend of either of you returned unexpectedly, excused themselves, and told you to continue?
970.	been engaged in sexual activity when the parent/spouse/boy (or girl) friend of either of you returned unexpectedly, excused themselves, told you to continue, and you were able?
971.	walked in on your significant other while they were engaged in sexual activity with someone else?
972.	walked in on your significant other while they were engaged in sexual activity with someone else, excused yourself and left them to continue?
973.	walked in on your parents?
974.	walked in on others, unaware that they were engaged in sexual activity?
975.	walked in on others, to discover them engaged in a sexual activity you thought was too weird?
976.	walked in on others, to discover them engaged in a sexual activity you hadn't thought possible?
977.	walked in on others, unaware that they were engaged in sexual activity, and been asked to join and did so?
978.	had others walk in unaware that you were involved in sexual activity and declare "I didn't think that was possible?"
979.	had others walk in unaware that you were involved in sexual activity and declare "Too weird?"
980.	had others walk in unaware that you were involved in sexual activity and ask to join?
981.	had others walk in unaware that you were involved in sexual activity and you asked them to join?
(The following apply when you were attracted to someone because of their social status.)
982.	initiated sexual activity with a member of the medical profession (your doctor, nurse, or therapist)?
983.	initiated sexual activity with someone in authority (your parole officer, psychiatrist, or professor)?
984.	initiated sexual activity with a member of the legal profession (lawyer, judge, or paralegal)?
985.	initiated sexual activity with a member of the academic community (professor, instructor, TA)?
986.	initiated sexual activity with an intellectual (librarian, author, essayist or scribe)?
987.	initiated sexual activity with someone in uniform (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Post Office, Boy Scouts)?
988.	initiated sexual activity with a member of an 'out' group (someone you wouldn't take home to meet the family, e.g. a biker, air head or securities broker)?
989.	had sexual activity with a member of a sports team (or cheer leader)?

XIII	Testing

Have you:
990.	had an unauthorized crib sheet for a test (cheated)?
991.	flunked an IQ test?
992.	had to study for a blood test?
993.	lied on a Purity Test to 'improve' your score (raise or lower, depending on you)?
994.	done something with the intent to 'improve' your Purity Test score, or used a Purity Test as inspiration?
995.	been jealous of, or impressed by, someone else's test scores?
996.	read a Purity Test aloud, without omitting sections or being embarrassed?
997.	administered a group Purity Test?
998.	taken a group Purity Test?
999.	written or rewritten a Purity Test?
1000.	remembered something by taking a Purity Test?

XIV	Extra Credit:

If you have read de Sade's Justine, add five points.
If you have read de Sade's 120 Days of Sodom & Gomorrah, add ten points.
If you know (no guessing) who followed Hendrix at Woodstock, add one point.
If you were at Woodstock, add ten points.
If you know (through experience) what a Scot wears under his kilt, add three points (add six if you're female).
If you are male and have worn a strapless gown, add one point.
If you've tied someone up and shown them to others while they were naked, add one point.
If you've tied someone up and shown them to others while they were naked, and they were unaware this was intended, add five points.
If you've been tied up knowing you might be seen by others, add five points.
If you've been tied up knowing you would be seen by others, add ten points.
If you are female and have carried a condom 'just in case,' add one point.
If your partner turned out to be underage and you hadn't suspected, subtract one point.
If you thought the section on Bondage would involve banks and corporate debt, subtract one point.
If something was later revealed to be see through (tent, clothing, curtains), and you hadn't suspected, subtract two points.
If you have had to have an obscene phone call explained to you, subtract two points.
________________________________________________________________________
Scoring

Congratulations!  You have survived the Purity Test, and are now the proud owner of a sheet of paper tallying your 'yes' answers to the Purity Test questions.  Sworn to excellence of workmanship, we now give you directions on how to calculate your Purity score.  Don't forget to add your extra credit points to your "yes" answer points.

1000 - (# of "yes" answers)
10

In other words:  Subtract the number of "yes" answers from 1000, and divide the result by ten.

The result of the above equation is your purity percentage.  Supposedly, the higher the percentage the more pure you are, and the lower the number, the more of a sleaze-bag you are.  Remember that it's all in fun, though.
We would now like to bring to your attention that there is no passing or failing score.  Therefore, you really shouldn't worry too much about getting a high scoreÉeven if you do get giggled at for the rest of your life.
________________________________________________________________________
Warranty Information

We hope that you have enjoyed this test.  It does not come with a warranty, nor does it guarantee that it will get you laid or make you somewhat better in bed or the haystack.
The makers of this test are not responsible for any liabilities or damages resulting from this test, including but not limited to paternity suits.  Ask your doctor or pharmacist.
Do not open back panel, no user serviceable parts inside.
Propagate (this test) at will, even without the written permission of the publisher, just don't edit or change it.*  In reproducing this test, the authors of this test may exercise droit de seigneur over you, your immediate family, or fiancee.  You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from state to state (i.e. inebriated, ecstasy, etc.).
Not recommended for children under twelve.  Parental guidance discouraged and frowned upon.  Pencils, additional paper, and batteries not included.  Some assembly may be required.  Does not come with any other figures.
Drive carefully:  70% of the accidents in this world are caused by people, and 70% of the people in this world are caused by accidents.  The above is a public service announcement of this institution.
________________________________________________________________________

*NOTE:  IN THE ORIGINAL COPY I RECEIVED, QUESTIONS 959-964 WERE MISSING.  I REPLACED THOSE QUESTIONS WITH QUESTIONS FROM THE 'STYLE' SECTION OF THE 500 QUESTION TEST.  HOWEVER, IF ANYONE HAPPENS TO POSESS THOSE SIX QUESTIONS, PLEASE FIND A WAY TO GET THEM TO ME (IF YOU'RE A COLLEGE STUDENT, I'M UAA USERID "ASMDH" ON THE VAX SYSTEM).  THANKS A LOT.  WOODY
 ¥ Purity Test 1000

Purity Test 1000 ¥