{"id":129,"date":"2001-04-25T22:21:14","date_gmt":"2001-04-26T05:21:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/?p=129"},"modified":"2019-11-21T14:25:45","modified_gmt":"2019-11-21T22:25:45","slug":"im-a-furry-dildo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2001\/04\/25\/im-a-furry-dildo\/","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;m a furry dildo?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:16993,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.sparkmatch.com&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20251209105549\\\/http:\\\/\\\/www.sparkmatch.com\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-14 17:22:03&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-14 17:22:03&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p>Okay&#8230;this is hilarious. I went to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sparkmatch.com\/\" title=\"SparkMatch\">SparkMatch<\/a> and took their test, and &#8212; well, after all&#8217;s said and done, I&#8217;m a Furry Dildo, also known as a Dependent Evil Sex Provider. Hmm. Here&#8217;s what they say about me:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  The ultimate sexual contradiction. You&#8217;re quite dirty, and very into carnal excavation, but you also have a soft romantic side. And, honestly, THAT side is itself conflicted &#8212; you&#8217;re needy and giving at the same time. It&#8217;s like you need to need to give to need. What&#8217;s that all about?<\/p>\n<p>  I admire the unscalable heights of your lust; I myself wish I had a height that size, but all the same, you don&#8217;t seem to be using that lust wisely. A more moral and independent person would be having mind-blowing sex with the woman I love right now. Instead, your physical potential is hindered by two things: an innate desire to do what you&#8217;re not supposed to, and this strange clinginess that you seem to mistake as heartfelt romance. Come off it.<\/p>\n<p>  I like that you seem to have a sensitive side, but be sincere about it. For instance, don&#8217;t tell some girl you like ponies, if really you don&#8217;t like ponies. Admit who you are, a horny guy, and the good qualities you have &#8212; devotion, compassion, and nutrition &#8212; will have real value.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>So, that&#8217;s what <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sparkmatch.com\/\" title=\"SparkMatch\">SparkMatch<\/a> has to say about my romantic tendencies. Interesting &#8212; <em>very<\/em> interesting&#8230;.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The ultimate sexual contradiction. You&#8217;re quite dirty, and very into carnal excavation, but you also have a soft romantic side. And, honestly, THAT side is itself conflicted &#8212; you&#8217;re needy and giving at the same time. It&#8217;s like you need to need to give to need. What&#8217;s that all about?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2043],"tags":[13],"class_list":["post-129","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/129","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=129"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/129\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=129"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=129"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=129"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}