Okay, one last thing before I head off to work. Dad sent me this today, and I damn near fell off my chair laughing at it…<\/p>\n
\n [ring…ring…click<\/em>]<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up a home office in the den, and I’m thinking of buying a computer.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Mac?<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Your computer?<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Mac?<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: What about Windows?<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What do I see when I look out the windows?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Office.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: I just did.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: You just did what?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Recommended something.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: You recommended something?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Yes.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: For my office?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Yes.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Office.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Office for Windows.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let’s say I’m sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Word.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: If I’m writing a proposal, I’m going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Word.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: What word?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: The Word in Office.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Which word in “office for windows?”<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your big W if you don’t give me a straight answer. Let’s forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: RealOne.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: RealOne.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: If it’s a long movie I’ll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Of course.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Great! With what?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: RealOne.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Okay, so I’m sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: The blue 1.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: What word?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: But there’s three words in “office for windows!”<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it’s the most popular Word in the world.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: It is?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren’t many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: No.\u00a0RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn’t even part of Office.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Never mind; I don’t want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Money.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Money.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Money.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Just one copy.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn’t that illegal?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: No.\u00a0We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Well, it’s great that I’m going to get free money, but I’ll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Money.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: You sell money?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: That’s all very wonderful, but I’ll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: If you don’t want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know–accounting? You do it with money.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: More money?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can’t do everything.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: I don’t need a sermon! Okay, let’s forget about money for the moment. I’m worried that my computer might…what’s the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: GoBack.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: Okay. I’m worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Go Back.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: I’ve never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven’t even been anywhere? Okay, I’ll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Word.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: But I’ll need lots of words to write a proposal.<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word–the Word in Office for Windows.<\/p>\n
COSTELLO: But there’s three words in…Oh, never mind.<\/p>\n
[click<\/em>]<\/p>\n
ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Thanks dad!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Okay, one last thing before I head off to work. Dad sent me this today, and I damn near fell off my chair laughing at it…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2038],"tags":[6],"class_list":["post-1720","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tech","tag-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1720","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1720"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1720\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1720"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1720"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1720"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}