{"id":256,"date":"2001-11-12T14:24:59","date_gmt":"2001-11-12T22:24:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/?p=256"},"modified":"2019-11-26T08:04:34","modified_gmt":"2019-11-26T16:04:34","slug":"how-the-empire-strikes-back-really-ended","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2001\/11\/12\/how-the-empire-strikes-back-really-ended\/","title":{"rendered":"How &#8216;The Empire Strikes Back&#8217; really ended"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:16755,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.theforce.net&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20260310213413\\\/http:\\\/\\\/www.theforce.net\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-14 13:59:38&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-14 13:59:38&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<blockquote><p>\n  <em>A furious lightsaber duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke&#8217;s hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>  <em>Luke backs away. He looks down, and realizes there&#8217;s nowhere to go but straight down.<\/em><br \/>\n  <!--more--><br \/>\n  <strong>VADER<\/strong> Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>LUKE<\/strong> He told me enough. He told me you killed him!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> No! I am your father!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>LUKE<\/strong> That&#8217;s not true! Thats impossible!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> Search your feelings; you know it to be true!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>LUKE<\/strong> NO!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> Yes it is true, and you know something else? You know that brass droid of yours?<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>LUKE<\/strong> Threepio?<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> Yes,Threepio, I built him when I was 7 years old.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>LUKE<\/strong> No!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn&#8217;t even levitate your own ship out of the swamp.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>LUKE<\/strong> I destroyed your precious Death Star!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Control ship!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>LUKE<\/strong> Well it&#8217;s not my fault.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> Oh, here we go&#8230;&#8221;Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for birthday, boo hoo, my daddy&#8217;s a Dark Lord of the Sith&#8230;waaah, waah.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>LUKE<\/strong> Shut up!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> You&#8217;re a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi Knights!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>LUKE<\/strong> I used to race my T-16 through Beggar&#8217;s Canyon!<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> Oh, for the love of the Emperor! 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human ever to fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!<\/p>\n<p>  <em>Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> I was wrong. You&#8217;re not my kid. I don&#8217;t know whose you are but you sure ain&#8217;t mine.<\/p>\n<p>  <em>Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>  <strong>VADER<\/strong> Get a haircut!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Originally from <a href=\"http:\/\/www.theforce.net\" title=\"The Force.net\">theforce.net<\/a>, I think.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A furious lightsaber duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke&#8217;s hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2037],"tags":[6,1574,2078],"class_list":["post-256","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tv-and-films","tag-humor","tag-star-wars","tag-the-empire-strikes-back"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/256","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=256"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/256\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=256"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=256"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=256"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}