{"id":2987,"date":"2004-12-02T06:31:35","date_gmt":"2004-12-02T22:31:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2004\/12\/02\/100-percent\/"},"modified":"2019-12-11T14:26:13","modified_gmt":"2019-12-11T22:26:13","slug":"100-percent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2004\/12\/02\/100-percent\/","title":{"rendered":"100 percent"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[]'><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2004\/12\/abstinence_cour.html\" title=\"Abstinence courses wildly off base\">Abstinence<\/a> is the only 100% sure method of avoiding STDs and unwanted pregnancy.<\/p>\n<p>Not eating is the only 100% sure method of avoiding food poisoning.<\/p>\n<p>Never leaving a windowless room is the only 100% sure method of avoiding sunburn.<\/p>\n<p>Not walking is the only 100% sure method of avoiding stubbed toes.<\/p>\n<p>Not driving, riding in cars, or coming too close to any public or private roadway is the only 100% sure method of not being injured or killed in an auto accident.<\/p>\n<p>Never crossing over or under a bridge is the only 100% sure method of avoiding dying in a sudden freak bridge collapse.<\/p>\n<p>Never picking up a fork is the only 100% sure method of not accidentally stabbing yourself with the tines.<\/p>\n<p>Never coming into contact with anything wooden is the only 100% sure method of not getting a splinter.<\/p>\n<p>Never handling anything paper is the only 100% sure way of preventing paper cuts.<\/p>\n<p>Never using plastic bags is the only 100% sure way of avoiding wrapping the plastic bag around your head and suffocating.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Abstinence is the only 100% sure method of avoiding STDs and unwanted pregnancy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2042],"tags":[13],"class_list":["post-2987","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics","tag-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2987","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2987"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2987\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2987"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2987"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2987"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}