{"id":3021,"date":"2004-12-22T02:13:19","date_gmt":"2004-12-22T18:13:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2004\/12\/22\/a-republican-christmas\/"},"modified":"2019-12-11T14:53:01","modified_gmt":"2019-12-11T22:53:01","slug":"a-republican-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2004\/12\/22\/a-republican-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"A Republican Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:9532,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/john.hoke.org\\\/index\\\/asylum\\\/comments\\\/twas_the_night_before_a_republican_christmas&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20050907071026\\\/http:\\\/\\\/john.hoke.org:80\\\/index\\\/asylum\\\/comments\\\/twas_the_night_before_a_republican_christmas\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-10 20:18:40&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-10 20:18:40&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p>&#8216;Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the land,<br \/>\nnot a critic was stirring, for stirring was banned.<br \/>\nA thousand brown prisoners, snug in their cells,<br \/>\nall held without charges or tinsel or bells;<\/p>\n<p>And mamma was wrapped in the national flag,<br \/>\nwhile we sang &#8220;Where there&#8217;s never a boast or a brag.&#8221;<br \/>\nWhen out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,<br \/>\nI sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.<\/p>\n<p>Away to the TV I flew like a flash;<br \/>\nI then watched &#8220;Survivor&#8221; and reruns of &#8220;Mash.&#8221;<br \/>\nThe fireworks, exploding above the new snow,<br \/>\ngave a luster of objects to people below.<\/p>\n<p>When what saw my wondering eyes in the flashes:<br \/>\na miniature George Bush and eight tiny fascists!<br \/>\nTheir jerseys were blue and said &#8220;WORLD DOMINATION&#8221;;<br \/>\nI knew right away this was not just claymation.<\/p>\n<p>More rapid than eagles the warlords they came,<br \/>\nas the little Bush whistled and called them by name:<br \/>\n&#8220;Now, Daschle! now, Ashcroft! Now Strom, don&#8217;t relent!<br \/>\nOn, Poindexter, Rumsfeld! on Henry and Trent!<\/p>\n<p>To the top of the globe, while the crowd&#8217;s at the mall,<br \/>\nnow bomb away, bomb away, bomb away all!&#8221;<br \/>\nHis sack had a war game for each girl and boy;<br \/>\nhis pocket, four billion from just Illinois.<\/p>\n<p>Far up on his high seat the driver did mount,<br \/>\nwith more massive weapons than Kofi could count.<br \/>\nAnd then, I heard sounds from away off somewhere,<br \/>\nthe booming of bombs that were bursting in air.<\/p>\n<p>As I drew in my head, and was turning around,<br \/>\ndown the chimney old Dick Cheney came with a bound.<br \/>\nHe said not a word, nor disclosed his location;<br \/>\nhe wiretapped my house in the name of the nation.<\/p>\n<p>Then holding the strings of his little Bush puppet,<br \/>\nhe went to the chimney and quickly rose up it.<br \/>\nThe sleigh was still running, but Dick didn&#8217;t hurry;<br \/>\ngas guzzlers, it seemed, were no longer a worry.<\/p>\n<p>He popped the champagne and exclaimed as he served it,<br \/>\n&#8220;The world is now ours, and GOD DAMN, we deserve it!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>(via <a href=\"http:\/\/john.hoke.org\/index\/asylum\/comments\/twas_the_night_before_a_republican_christmas\/\" title=\"John P. Hoke's Asylum: 'Twas the Night Before A Republican Christmas\">John<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8216;Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the land, not a critic was stirring, for stirring was banned.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2042],"tags":[6,14],"class_list":["post-3021","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics","tag-humor","tag-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3021","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3021"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3021\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3021"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3021"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3021"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}