{"id":3450,"date":"2005-08-03T18:40:13","date_gmt":"2005-08-04T01:40:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2005\/08\/03\/the-dj-test\/"},"modified":"2019-12-17T13:07:54","modified_gmt":"2019-12-17T21:07:54","slug":"the-dj-test","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2005\/08\/03\/the-dj-test\/","title":{"rendered":"The DJ Test"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:7859,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.livejournal.com\\\/users\\\/erasorhed\\\/120230.html&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/www.livejournal.com\\\/users\\\/erasorhed\\\/120230.html&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:null,&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.livejournal.com\/users\/erasorhed\/120230.html\" title=\"erasorhed: OMG I PASSED THE TEST I PASSED I PASSED!!\">Rebecca just got a job<\/a> as a professional DJ for AMS Entertainment, and in her post celebrating her successful certification, mentioned that she&#8217;d had to take a test to get the job. This struck my sense of humor, and has prompted the following exchange&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Rebecca:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  I just passed the test today, I&#8217;m finally a certified DJ for AMS Entertainment!! My first event is this Saturday afternoon!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Me:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  &#8230;there&#8217;s a <em>test<\/em> for DJ&#8217;ing? <em>(boggle)<\/em> Is it multiple choice?\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<blockquote><p>\n    Pressing your fingers against the record as it&#8217;s playing will:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>increase the tempo.<\/li>\n<li>decrease the tempo.<\/li>\n<li>break the turntable.<\/li>\n<li>hurt. A lot.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>    True or false?<\/p>\n<p>    <strong>True or false:<\/strong> &#8220;I Will Always Love You&#8221; will create a perfect segue from &#8220;Baby Got Back&#8221;.\n  <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>  Or maybe just fill in the blank?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n    The dance floor was empty until I played a back-to-back set of &#8220;The <code>________<\/code> Slide&#8221; and everybody&#8217;s favorite, &#8220;The Chicken <code>_____<\/code>&#8220;, then the place was <em>jumpin&#8217;<\/em>!\n  <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>  (laughs)<\/p>\n<p>  Okay&#8230;maybe not.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Rebecca:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  LOL! That&#8217;s hilarious.<\/p>\n<p>  The test was similar, although&#8230; it filled me with anxiety because I would have been utterly shattered had I failed it.<\/p>\n<p>  They ask me questions like &#8220;What year was our company founded?&#8221; and &#8220;What are the 5 things you should NEVER do at an event?&#8221; &#8220;What are the 6 steps we take to ensure our customers receive exceptional service?&#8221; &#8220;Why do we have a dress code?&#8221; &#8220;What are the 4 components of sound?&#8221; &#8220;What is a &#8216;set&#8217; of music?&#8221; And on and on.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Me:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<blockquote><p>\n    What year was our company founded?\n  <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>  The year after your company was losted.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n    What are the 5 things you should NEVER do at an event?\n  <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<ol>\n<li>Sneak up behind the bride (fiancee, mother[-in-law], or any other guest of honor), snap her bra strap, yell &#8220;GOTCHA!!!!&#8221; and run away giggling manaically.<\/li>\n<li>Spike the provided punch with LSD, PCP, or other highly-potent hallucinogenics. Only low-grade drugs such as marijuana or quaaludes are officially condoned at events. Never crack &#8212; that&#8217;s a ghetto drug.<\/li>\n<li>Switch the wires on the Karaeoke machine so that the music track for Neil Diamond&#8217;s &#8220;Red Red Wine&#8221; is presented with the lyrics to Skinny Puppy&#8217;s &#8220;VX Gas Attack&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>The Chicken Dance.<\/li>\n<li>Count how many times you can make the drunk guests fall over with sudden, drastic tempo changes.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<blockquote><p>\n    What are the 6 steps we take to ensure our customers receive exceptional service?\n  <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<ol>\n<li>Forward,<\/li>\n<li>back,<\/li>\n<li>forward,<\/li>\n<li>back,<\/li>\n<li>slide left,<\/li>\n<li>slide right and twist 90 degrees to the left. Repeat.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<blockquote><p>\n    Why do we have a dress code?\n  <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>  Because it&#8217;s funny to try to watch people figure out the code. If we actually wrote it out in English, we wouldn&#8217;t have as much fun laughing at them when they show up in bowling shoes, rubber lederhosen, pasties, and gimp mask.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n    What are the 4 components of sound?\n  <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<ol>\n<li>Bass,<\/li>\n<li>drums,<\/li>\n<li>guitar,<\/li>\n<li>lyrics by Barry Manilow.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<blockquote><p>\n    What is a &#8216;set&#8217; of music?\n  <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>  The trick that&#8217;s taught right before a &#8216;stay&#8217; of music, a &#8216;roll over&#8217; of music, and a &#8216;play dead&#8217; of music (also known as &#8216;playing &#8220;Ice Ice Baby&#8221; before everyone&#8217;s three sheets to the wind&#8217;).<\/p>\n<p>  Do I pass? :D\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Rebecca just got a job as a professional DJ for AMS Entertainment, and in her post celebrating her successful certification, mentioned that she&#8217;d had to take a test to get the job. This struck my sense of humor, and has prompted the following exchange&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2035,2043],"tags":[6],"class_list":["post-3450","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-music","category-personal","tag-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3450","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3450"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3450\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3450"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3450"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3450"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}