{"id":360,"date":"2002-02-21T07:37:05","date_gmt":"2002-02-21T15:37:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2002\/02\/21\/the-return-of-spudnuts\/"},"modified":"2019-11-26T14:47:23","modified_gmt":"2019-11-26T22:47:23","slug":"the-return-of-spudnuts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2002\/02\/21\/the-return-of-spudnuts\/","title":{"rendered":"The return of Spudnuts"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:16536,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.wilwheaton.net\\\/mt\\\/archives\\\/000950.php&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20230608054217\\\/https:\\\/\\\/www.wilwheaton.net\\\/mt\\\/archives\\\/000950.php&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-14 10:38:02&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-19 12:04:43&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-06 04:32:18&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-16 09:43:59&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404}],&quot;broken&quot;:true,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-16 09:43:59&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:8148,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.wilwheaton.net&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20260228111742\\\/https:\\\/\\\/wilwheaton.net\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-10 05:00:40&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-19 12:04:43&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-25 04:58:02&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-28 17:31:29&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-01 08:28:03&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-05 09:44:01&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-09 15:20:30&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-14 21:01:20&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-14 21:01:20&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p>I got the following off of the comment thread from <a href=\"http:\/\/www.wilwheaton.net\/mt\/archives\/000950.php\" title=\"WWDN: Comments From The Wife\">this post by Wil&#8217;s wife<\/a> on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.wilwheaton.net\/\" title=\"Wil Wheaton Dot Net\">WWDN<\/a>. Yes, I know i&#8217;ve been mentioning that site fairly often lately&#8230;but Wil rocks, as does his wife, and as do many of the people who read and comment on his site. It&#8217;s become a daily stop for me.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, one of the regular readers and posters-of-comments has been MIA for a while. Last night at around 2am, Spudnuts returned with a vengeange. Whoever Spudnuts is, he&#8217;s one of the funniest guys I&#8217;ve read stuff from &#8212; and the following series of posts demanded to be saved. If you read this, I hope you get as much of a giggle out of it as I did. The majority of the posts are by Spudnuts, plus there&#8217;s a few relevant posts by other WWDN regulars in there too.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  For the remainder of this week, I will be posting as&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Spudnuts<\/em> at February 20, 2002 11:52 PM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  I vas born in a part of Belarus where people what have bluejeans cannot for be to using them becausk they hef no bones.<\/p>\n<p>  Very sad.<\/p>\n<p>  Very, very sad.<\/p>\n<p>  Yes.<\/p>\n<p>  Funny.<\/p>\n<p>  But also&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  SAD.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 20, 2002 11:55 PM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Not a bone between the two of us.<\/p>\n<p>  Sad.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Mrs. Lermontov, Wife of the Man What Has No Bones, but Also She Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:00 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  We hef bluejeans&#8230;\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Mrs. Lermontov, Wife of the Man What Has No Bones, but Also She Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:01 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Yes.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:02 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  But we are unable to use them.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Mrs. Lermontov, Wife of the Man What Has No Bones, but Also She Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:03 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Sad.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:04 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Very.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Mrs. Lermontov, Wife of the Man What Has No Bones, but Also She Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:05 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Send us no more bluejeans, cruel Americans!<\/p>\n<p>  Can you not see the anguish in our watery, ice-blue eyes as they well up with tears of watery anguish and ice-blue anguish?!<\/p>\n<p>  We cannot wear them.<\/p>\n<p>  Keep your bluejeans.<\/p>\n<p>  They are not for us!<\/p>\n<p>  For we have no bones.<\/p>\n<p>  Sad.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:13 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Do not weep, my husband.<\/p>\n<p>  It is not cruelty which compels them to send us bluejeans, but rather it is misplaced kindness.<\/p>\n<p>  They give&#8230;but know nothing of our shame.<\/p>\n<p>  The children must not see your watery, ice-blue anguish tears in your eyes of anguish.<\/p>\n<p>  Come!<\/p>\n<p>  Go!<\/p>\n<p>  Leave!<\/p>\n<p>  For to no more crying on this the greatest day of the year&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  The day of February when we celebrate the opening of the shed for people what needs to borrow rakes upon the&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  Solstice.<\/p>\n<p>  Some wheat.<\/p>\n<p>  Go!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Mrs. Lermontov, Wife of the Man What Has No Bones, but Also She Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:20 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  SPUDNUTS!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>KJB<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:20 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Oh.<\/p>\n<p>  Shut it.<\/p>\n<p>  I&#8217;m going to watch pornography now.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:21 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Crap.<\/p>\n<p>  I didn&#8217;t want to scare Spudnuts away.<\/p>\n<p>  I suck.<\/p>\n<p>  Come back, Mr. Lermontov.<\/p>\n<p>  Please?\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>KJB<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:26 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  On second thought&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  Perhaps pornography is a good idea for you.<\/p>\n<p>  Even though you have no bones.<\/p>\n<p>  I&#8217;m stopping.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>KJB<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:28 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Christ.<\/p>\n<p>  I >> SAID &lt;&lt; I&#8217;m watching pornography.<\/p>\n<p>  I only have TWO hands.<\/p>\n<p>  Can&#8217;t a lad find privacy on this man&#8217;s Internet?\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:30 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  I was sad because I had no bluejeans. Then I behelt Lermontov,  the man who has bluejeans, but no bones.  And beside him was his wife , who has bluejeans, but no bones as well. And I became sadder. And drank some vodka. More vodka. Still more. Til purple wolves came. And they danced. They danced the sad dance of the Lermontov&#8217;s. The couple who have bluejeans, but no bones.<\/p>\n<p>  Moral of the story<\/p>\n<p>  You do not want to come across a drunk who needs bluejeans. Especially if you are Lermontov, the man who has bluejeans, but no bones. And his wife, who also has bluejeans, but no bones.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Fred Fowler<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:51 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  I am concerned with the watchings of pr0nography by a man with no bones.<\/p>\n<p>  Does it not seem to be ironic&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  I mean, why would someone watch something that gives a lot of us that which he does not have.<\/p>\n<p>  Oh&#8230;wait.<\/p>\n<p>  I get it now.<\/p>\n<p>  Lermontov now has a bone, methinks.<\/p>\n<p>  Methinks Mrs. Lermontov is appreciative.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Roughy<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:57 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Oh, Great Wheat Thresher in the sky&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  Why?<\/p>\n<p>  Why hef you cursed me and my children and the people of my village from here down to the river and a few on the other bank near the grist mill with bonelessness?<\/p>\n<p>  What hef we done in our comink and goink and comink and&#8230;goink&#8230;to merit such travail?!<\/p>\n<p>  What?<\/p>\n<p>  WHAT?!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 12:59 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  It&#8217;s all a failure to respect the cheese.<\/p>\n<p>  Respect for cheese = blue jeans.<\/p>\n<p>  Disrespect for cheese is the hobgoblins of greengoblins in the minds of spidermen.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Roughy<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:01 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Privacy? In this man&#8217;s Internet?<\/p>\n<p>  It&#8217;s like asking if the Pope&#8217;s Jewish.<\/p>\n<p>  I hope never to find cheese in my bluejeans. Or any bluejeans, for that matter.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>KJB<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:17 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  24601!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:26 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Boneless SCUM!<\/p>\n<p>  Men like you can never change.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Javert, the Inspector What Has Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:28 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  There is a duty I am sworn to do.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:30 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Fool!<\/p>\n<p>  You must think me mad.<\/p>\n<p>  I have doggedly pursued you across countless message boards.<\/p>\n<p>  Lermontov, it ends here.<\/p>\n<p>  Tonight.<\/p>\n<p>  In this shithole of a website.<\/p>\n<p>  This I swear!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Javert, the Inspector What Has Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:34 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Inspector, do not underestimate me&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  Though I am boneless, still there is strength to be reckoned with in these feeble old limbs.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:36 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  All he did was steal some bread.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Mrs. Green Lantern<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:38 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Silence, woman!<\/p>\n<p>  This does not concern you.<\/p>\n<p>  It&#8217;s between me and the boneless Russian.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Javert, the Inspector What Has Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:39 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  But he must save my poor, sick child!<\/p>\n<p>  Even though he has no bones&#8230;\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Fantine<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:50 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Lermontov.<\/p>\n<p>  You seem to have gained wretched allies in this hive of scum and human refuse.<\/p>\n<p>  Touching.<\/p>\n<p>  No matter.<\/p>\n<p>  Yield!<\/p>\n<p>  Or face the crushing fury of this armed and fully operational battle truncheon!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Javert, the Inspector What Has Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:54 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Daddy! Don&#8217;t let him take you away!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Cosette, the Irritating Little Wretch<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:58 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  I cannot be broken.<\/p>\n<p>  Merely&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  Bent.<\/p>\n<p>  In a multitude of action poses.<\/p>\n<p>  Placed in a small box.<\/p>\n<p>  Or bag.<\/p>\n<p>  Made to walk down stairs alone or in pairs.<\/p>\n<p>  Pressed against the Sunday comics until I bear the imprint of Mary Worth and then s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d until funny, funny pictures happen&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  YES!<\/p>\n<p>  Yes, Javert&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  Bent.<\/p>\n<p>  But NEVER broken.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 01:58 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Oi!<\/p>\n<p>  We&#8217;ve seen him before!<\/p>\n<p>  He&#8217;s a total ass, that Lermontov.<\/p>\n<p>  By the way&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>  Javert, you still owe us 50 francs.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>M. et Mdme Thenardier, the Unscrupulous Smelly Frenchies<\/em> at February 21, 2002 02:06 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Whew! I&#8217;m saving the Lermontov et al posts! It&#8217;s like reading Waiting For Godot! Brilliant, but scary. Scary like watching a car wreck&#8230;. (Anne, see how it degenerates into complete silliness? Addictive!) Thanks, Lermontov and friends, for waking me up with a smile. Best part of my day is coffee and WWDN &amp; Friends.<\/p>\n<p>  Corky\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Corky<\/em> at February 21, 2002 02:20 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Blame it all on Lermontov.<\/p>\n<p>  That boneless ass.<\/p>\n<p>  But hey, if you&#8217;re so amused&#8230;we could use $50&#8230;\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>M. et Mdme Thenardier, the Unscrupulous Smelly Frenchies<\/em> at February 21, 2002 02:23 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<blockquote>\n<blockquote><p>\n      the Unscrupulous Smelly Frenchies\n    <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>  As opposed to the scrupulous non-smelly variety?\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 02:29 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  The man has a point, dear.<\/p>\n<p>  Shut up, wench.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>M. et Mdme Thenardier, the Unscrupulous Smelly Frenchies<\/em> at February 21, 2002 02:36 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Oh.<\/p>\n<p>  And TV&#8217;s Wil Wheaton?<\/p>\n<p>  Shut your hole, gateau-boy.<\/p>\n<p>  This site is now officially the domain of the Boneless Bolsheviks of Belarus (BBB).<\/p>\n<p>  No more of your whiny, bourgeois showbiz crap.<\/p>\n<p>  Now, all of your posts will be edited by the Democratic People&#8217;s Council on Matters Pertinent (DPCMP) prior to publication.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones<\/em> at February 21, 2002 02:48 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Reminds me of my government class in high school.<\/p>\n<p>  We were in the most radical group politically, and we named our group the People&#8217;s Choice Party.<\/p>\n<p>  PCP.<\/p>\n<p>  We did it for shits and giggles, and we got a decent grade.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>KJB<\/em> at February 21, 2002 02:53 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Hey, &#8220;shits and giggles&#8221; is my line.<\/p>\n<p>  Uneducated American swine.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>Francis St. Clair, Uppity English Nag<\/em> at February 21, 2002 02:54 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Wait.<\/p>\n<p>  &#8220;Shut your hole, gateau-boy&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>  Isn&#8217;t that &#8220;Shut your hole, cake-boy&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>  shouldn&#8217;t it be &#8220;shut your cakehole, boy&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>  Oh, screw it. I&#8217;m late for bed.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>That kid who is always bugging someone<\/em> at February 21, 2002 03:01 AM<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Mmmm&#8230;bones.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&#8212; Posted by <em>osteogenic sarcoma<\/em> at February 21, 2002 03:56 AM<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I vas born in a part of Belarus where people what have bluejeans cannot for be to using them becausk they hef no bones. Very sad. Very, very sad. Yes. Funny. But also&#8230; SAD.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2043],"tags":[6],"class_list":["post-360","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/360","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=360"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/360\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=360"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=360"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=360"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}