{"id":3881,"date":"2006-08-28T23:26:48","date_gmt":"2006-08-29T06:26:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2006\/08\/28\/its-not-time-to-go-yet\/"},"modified":"2019-12-20T11:07:42","modified_gmt":"2019-12-20T19:07:42","slug":"its-not-time-to-go-yet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2006\/08\/28\/its-not-time-to-go-yet\/","title":{"rendered":"It&#8217;s Not Time To Go Yet"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:3934,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.jasonwebley.com&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20260214141404\\\/http:\\\/\\\/www.jasonwebley.com\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-06 23:23:19&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-10 05:22:31&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-17 21:40:58&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-24 07:16:35&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-28 10:47:42&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-03 19:10:24&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-03 19:10:24&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:6300,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.jasonwebley.com\\\/music_count.html&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20250514113247\\\/https:\\\/\\\/www.jasonwebley.com\\\/music_count.html&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-09 00:10:51&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-09 00:10:51&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:206},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:6301,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.jasonwebley.com\\\/lyrics\\\/nottime.html&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20260309001945\\\/https:\\\/\\\/www.jasonwebley.com\\\/lyrics\\\/nottime.html&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:null,&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:6302,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.jasonwebley.com\\\/audio\\\/nottime.ram&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:null,&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:6221,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/click.linksynergy.com\\\/fs-bin\\\/click?id=xLsJkztrnNY&amp;offerid=78941.10000170&amp;type=4&amp;subid=0&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:null,&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p>Pieces of an e-mail exchange&#8230;<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  Was wondering if you could do me a favor in your spare time (ha-ha)?  &#8230; What I would like to know is &#8212; what are your views on what happens when you die? I really don&#8217;t have any firm beliefs&#8230;but I really love to hear what other people think.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>My response:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  The thing is&#8230;is that in many ways, I&#8217;m not sure <em>what<\/em> my views are. I know, it sounds like a cop-out, but it&#8217;s not (or, at least, it&#8217;s not meant to be). Having grown up in a very (if somewhat unconventional and non-sterotypical) Christian household, I suppose I <em>should<\/em> believe in some form of afterlife, be it Heaven, Hell, or some other nebulous non-corporeal nirvana &#8212; and, to a certain extent, I suppose I do (or at least want to, which isn&#8217;t at all the same thing). However, for whatever reason, unquestioning faith has never been one of my strong suits, and as there&#8217;s not exactly much in the way of evidence of anything post-mortem, there&#8217;s a large part of me that&#8217;s quite firmly convinced that this is all there is, and once it&#8217;s over, it&#8217;s over.<\/p>\n<p>  Hence, death tends to scare me. Or, rather, not so much death in general, or as a concept, or even when it relates to other people &#8212; but <em>my<\/em> death. I may not always have the greatest life in the world (while it&#8217;s been pretty good of late, I&#8217;ve certainly had my fair share of down times as well, along with everyone else), but the concept of not existing anymore, not being able to experience the highs as well as the lows, not being able to meet new and old friends, watch the world go by, capture pieces of it in pictures, find new songs to play over and over, and having everything I know of as <em>me<\/em> simply disappear&#8230;it gives me the willies. A little silly, I know (if nothing else, by definition, I wouldn&#8217;t be around to experience not being around, so obsessing and worrying over it doesn&#8217;t make much sense), but that&#8217;s where my brain gets stuck. I <em>want<\/em> to believe in something more than simply popping in and out of existence, but my stupid cynical brain can&#8217;t quite wrap itself around that. So I end up being not really in either one camp or the other, and instead just hoping that by the time I get close to dying myself, I&#8217;ll either have come to grips with one or the other, or that I&#8217;ll just be so blissfully senile that it won&#8217;t matter.<\/p>\n<p>  Cheery, huh?<\/p>\n<p>  On the bright side, it does explain &#8212; to a certain extent &#8212; why there&#8217;s no <em>way<\/em> that I could ever be suicidal, no matter how rough things get or how depressed I get. Firstly, there&#8217;s always something else coming along that&#8217;s usually going to be better than any rough patches I&#8217;m dealing with; secondly, there&#8217;s <em>so<\/em> much in the world I haven&#8217;t been able to see or experience yet, and I don&#8217;t want to miss out on that if I can help it; and thirdly, death is just to absolutely freaky for me to go there voluntarily.<\/p>\n<p>  So I don&#8217;t know. I kind of wish I could just go one way or the other, but I haven&#8217;t managed to do it yet. Most of the time I try not to think about it too much if I can avoid it. As with many things in life that I find unpleasant, I take the Scarlett O&#8217;Hara approach to managing unpleasant subjects. I&#8217;ll deal with them <em>tomorrow<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>  Okay, not the best way to go. But&#8230;(shrug)&#8230;it&#8217;s where I am.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Anyone else?<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>In regards to the title of this post: it&#8217;s the title of a song by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.jasonwebley.com\/\" title=\"Jason Webley\">Jason Webley<\/a> that was running through my head as I was composing the above, off of his <a href=\"http:\/\/www.jasonwebley.com\/music_count.html\" title=\"Jason Webley: Counterpoint\">Counterpoint album<\/a>. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.jasonwebley.com\/lyrics\/nottime.html\" title=\"Jason Webley: It's Not Time To Go Yet\">Lyrics<\/a> follow, a low-quality Real Audio recording of the song can be found <a href=\"http:\/\/www.jasonwebley.com\/audio\/nottime.ram\" title=\"Jason Webley: It's Not Time To Go Yet (Real Audio)\">here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  I&#8217;ve often seen a man,<br \/>\n  Yardstick and clock face instead of hands.<br \/>\n  He has measured pain and pleasure both to death.<br \/>\n  I&#8217;ve felt the kiss,<br \/>\n  Of his narcotic lips,<br \/>\n  He has probed in the folds beneath my dress.<br \/>\n  I watch my feelings,<br \/>\n  Fade way revealing,<br \/>\n  A cold pathway to a bridal bed,<br \/>\n  But when he lays me down<br \/>\n  I just feign sleeping,<br \/>\n  Cause it&#8217;s not time to go yet.<br \/>\n  No it&#8217;s not time to go yet.<\/p>\n<p>  There&#8217;s cancer in the air,<br \/>\n  Think I&#8217;ve never been so scared,<br \/>\n  Of the cold metal numbness in my chest,<br \/>\n  Don&#8217;t go to sleep,<br \/>\n  Stay beside me while I weep,<br \/>\n  Or I don&#8217;t think I&#8217;ll make it through this test.<br \/>\n  If you still see me,<br \/>\n  Please don&#8217;t leave me,<br \/>\n  Alone with the devils in my head.<br \/>\n  Push, stretch,<br \/>\n  This night into morning,<br \/>\n  &#8216;Cause it&#8217;s not time to go yet,<br \/>\n  No it&#8217;s not time to go yet.<\/p>\n<p>  The worn out pilgrim tells,<br \/>\n  Of the forging of great bells,<br \/>\n  That shall sound when his feet can finally rest.<br \/>\n  Cast in the fire,<br \/>\n  That has burnt through all desire,<br \/>\n  And cooled by the milk of mother&#8217;s breast.<br \/>\n  They ring sweetly,<br \/>\n  Promising me,<br \/>\n  Release from the labor of this breath.<br \/>\n  But when I hear those bells,<br \/>\n  I just feign sleeping,<br \/>\n  &#8216;Cause it&#8217;s not time to go yet.<br \/>\n  No it&#8217;s not time to go yet.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/click.linksynergy.com\/fs-bin\/click?id=xLsJkztrnNY&amp;offerid=78941.10000170&amp;type=4&amp;subid=0\" title=\"Get iTunes\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"iTunes\" border=\"0\" width=\"61\" height=\"15\" src=\"http:\/\/images.apple.com\/itunesaffiliates\/logos\/iTunes_sm_bdg61x15.png\" \/><\/a><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" border=\"0\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" src=\"http:\/\/ad.linksynergy.com\/fs-bin\/show?id=xLsJkztrnNY&amp;bids=78941.10000170&amp;type=4&amp;subid=0\" alt=\"\" \/> &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/click.linksynergy.com\/fs-bin\/stat?id=xLsJkztrnNY&amp;offerid=78941&amp;type=3&amp;subid=0&amp;tmpid=1826&amp;RD_PARM1=itms %253A%252F%252Fphobos.apple.com%252FWebObjects%252FMZSearch.woa%252Fwa%252Fcom.apple.jingle.search.DirectAction%252FadvancedSearchResults%253FartistTerm%253DWebley, Jason%2526songTerm=It's Not Time To Go Yet%26partnerId%3D30\" title=\"Search for 'It's Not Time To Go Yet' on the iTMS\">It&#8217;s Not Time To Go Yet<\/a>&#8221; by <a href=\"http:\/\/click.linksynergy.com\/fs-bin\/stat?id=xLsJkztrnNY&amp;offerid=78941&amp;type=3&amp;subid=0&amp;tmpid=1826&amp;RD_PARM1=itms%253A%252F%252Fphobos.apple.com%252FWebObjects%252FMZSearch.woa%252Fwa%252Fcom.apple.jingle.search.DirectAction%252FadvancedSearchResults%253FartistTerm%253DWebley, Jason%26partnerId%3D30\" title=\"Search for 'Webley, Jason' on the iTMS\">Webley, Jason<\/a> from the album <em><a href=\"http:\/\/click. linksynergy.com\/fs-bin\/stat?id=xLsJkztrnNY&amp;offerid=78941&amp;type=3&amp;subid=0&amp;tmpid=1826&amp;RD_PARM1=itms%253A%252F%252Fphobos.apple.com%252FWebObjects%252FMZSearch.woa%252Fwa%252Fcom.apple.jingle.search.DirectAction%252FadvancedSearchResults%253FartistTerm%253DWebley, Jason%2526albumTerm=Counterpoint%26partnerId%3D30\" title=\"Search for 'Counterpoint' on the iTMS\">Counterpoint<\/a> <\/em> (2002, 5:59).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Was wondering if you could do me a favor in your spare time (ha-ha)?  &#8230; What I would like to know is &#8212; what are your views on what happens when you die? I really don&#8217;t have any firm beliefs&#8230;but I really love to hear what other people think.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2043],"tags":[13],"class_list":["post-3881","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3881","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3881"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3881\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3881"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3881"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3881"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}