{"id":5269,"date":"2008-12-18T15:40:22","date_gmt":"2008-12-18T23:40:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/?p=5269"},"modified":"2019-12-18T06:06:39","modified_gmt":"2019-12-18T14:06:39","slug":"emergency-preparedness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2008\/12\/18\/emergency-preparedness\/","title":{"rendered":"Emergency Preparedness"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:4677,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/search.twitter.com\\\/search?q=seatst&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-27 15:42:52&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:520},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-30 22:24:25&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:520},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-07 16:36:25&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:520}],&quot;broken&quot;:true,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-07 16:36:25&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:520},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:4678,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/community.livejournal.com\\\/seattle\\\/5612643.html&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:null,&quot;process&quot;:&quot;pending&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p>It&#8217;s a bit late for <a href=\"http:\/\/search.twitter.com\/search?q=seatst\" title=\"Twitter search for 'seast'\">SNOWPOCALYPSE 2008<\/a>, but for future reference, a handy guide of what to do&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;in the case of Snow:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Obtain De-icer and chains for your car.<\/li>\n<li>Know your tire size, in case you need to replace a broken chain.<\/li>\n<li>Make sure your tires are at recommended air capacity.<\/li>\n<li>Urge the administration to close your schools, even if it only might snow.<\/li>\n<li>Carry a small amount of sand in your car so you can get traction if you get stuck.<\/li>\n<li>Remember: Snow kills people on contact, so avoid it at all cost.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&#8230;in the case of Rain:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Make sure to pack up your umbrella!<\/li>\n<li>Wear rubber boots, or \u201cSlicker Kicks\u201d as I like to call them.<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t listen to depressing music while it\u2019s raining.<\/li>\n<li>Increase your following distance to at least 3 seconds.<\/li>\n<li>Call your mother. It\u2019s been a while.<\/li>\n<li>Thank god it\u2019s not snowing too.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&#8230;in the case of Snow\/Rain:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Scream at God, asking: \u201cWhy? Why, God, why?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Rain water is still made of water, which is able to freeze.<\/li>\n<li>Light your car on fire to thaw any ice on the road below your car.<\/li>\n<li>Before driving somewhere, call ahead and let them know you will be 27 to 50 hours late.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&#8230;in the case of nuclear war:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Evacuate the area directly beneath atomic bomb impact.<\/li>\n<li>Remember the triangle! Time, Distance and Shielding.<\/li>\n<li>Ventilate and cool any lead shelters you habitate with ice and machine guns.<\/li>\n<li>Food is important. If you run out of food, eat the weak.<\/li>\n<li>Wear Fire Protection.<\/li>\n<li>Charge the batteries on your VATS.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&#8230;in the case of ice weasel attack:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do not make sudden moves around or near ice weasels.<\/li>\n<li>Try to lift the snowmobile off of your broken carcass.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&#8230;in the case a monkey flies out of my ass and claws for your eyes:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Shield your eyes with metal objects, such as a frying pan, or bent forks.<\/li>\n<li>Should you trap the monkey in the closet, do not open your closet door.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&#8230;in the case of the dead rising from their graves:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do not shine your light on the Witch. She is tougher than she looks.<\/li>\n<li>Shove a boomer before you shoot him, so he does not splash on you.<\/li>\n<li>If you are on point, crouch so your teammate can shoot over your head.<\/li>\n<li>Avoid shooting a car with an alarm. The alarm will attract the horde.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>(found <a href=\"http:\/\/community.livejournal.com\/seattle\/5612643.html\" title=\"Livejournal: Seattle: Snow? Me Worry?\">here<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s a bit late for SNOWPOCALYPSE 2008, but for future reference, a handy guide of what to do&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2043],"tags":[6],"class_list":["post-5269","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5269","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5269"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5269\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5269"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5269"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5269"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}