{"id":625,"date":"2002-07-16T22:42:34","date_gmt":"2002-07-17T06:42:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2002\/07\/16\/hes-dead-jim\/"},"modified":"2019-11-27T12:55:44","modified_gmt":"2019-11-27T20:55:44","slug":"hes-dead-jim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2002\/07\/16\/hes-dead-jim\/","title":{"rendered":"He&#8217;s dead, Jim"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:8148,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.wilwheaton.net&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20260228111742\\\/https:\\\/\\\/wilwheaton.net\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-10 05:00:40&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-19 12:04:43&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-25 04:58:02&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-28 17:31:29&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-01 08:28:03&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-05 09:44:01&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-05 09:44:01&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:16010,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.wilwheaton.net\\\/mt\\\/archives\\\/001079.php#001079&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/wilwheaton.net\\\/mt\\\/archives\\\/001079.php&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:null,&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.wilwheaton.net\/\" title=\"Wil Wheaton Dot Net\">Wil<\/a> posted a funny little rumination on death by his friend Spudnuts &#8212; complete with some <a href=\"http:\/\/www.wilwheaton.net\/mt\/archives\/001079.php#001079\" title=\"WWDN: Epitaph\">suggestions for gravestone inscriptions<\/a>. The regulars on WWDN followed up with their own suggestions.<\/p>\n<p>I laughed. A <em>lot<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s some of my favorites&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>He was better than you<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s fucking dark in here<\/li>\n<li>Buried with a big sack of emeralds. No, really.<\/li>\n<li>Secret agent<\/li>\n<li>He was kind of funny in an annoying sort of way<\/li>\n<li>He went straight to Hell<\/li>\n<li>Feeds upon the blood of the living<\/li>\n<li>He is in space now<\/li>\n<li>Deposit urine here<\/li>\n<li>He neglected his colon<\/li>\n<li>Yet another dead guy<\/li>\n<li>He was full of shit<\/li>\n<li>Made you look<\/li>\n<li>Game over, man<\/li>\n<li>Check, please<\/li>\n<li>I told you that my foot was killing me<\/li>\n<li>Hey Kid! Yeah, you! Steal this tombstone and hide it in your room to impress your friends!<\/li>\n<li>Ask me about Herbalife!<\/li>\n<li>Still dead<\/li>\n<li>I was killed by your honor student<\/li>\n<li>If the diet would have worked I wouldn&#8217;t be here<\/li>\n<li>This is a Government conspiracy<\/li>\n<li>We always warned her\/him one of her\/his childish tricks would backfire<\/li>\n<li>What truck?<\/li>\n<li>I told you I was sick!!!!<\/li>\n<li>The Government told me it wasn&#8217;t contagious<\/li>\n<li>They told me they had a cure<\/li>\n<li>Stop looking at me!<\/li>\n<li>I can see your underwear<\/li>\n<li>Trust me, don&#8217;t die with an itch<\/li>\n<li>By the time you finish reading this, there will be less of me<\/li>\n<li>Keep laughing. Someone will be reading yours next Tuesday<\/li>\n<li>Mikey wasn&#8217;t the only one who liked it<\/li>\n<li>Yeah, I&#8217;m dead, but you&#8217;re still ugly<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re standing on my unit<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m not really dead, I&#8217;m just tired of all you silly fucks<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t worry, there&#8217;s no possible way they can hit us at this dist&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Speak for yourself, sir. I plan to live forever<\/li>\n<li>Told you I&#8217;d live forever or die trying<\/li>\n<li>I drank what?<\/li>\n<li>Death is Mother Nature&#8217;s way of telling you to slow down<\/li>\n<li>As soon as I talk to Death, you&#8217;re next<\/li>\n<li>I told you he was trying to kill me<\/li>\n<li>His friends jumped off a cliff<\/li>\n<li>These worms tickle!<\/li>\n<li>He thought he was going to be cryogenically frozen<\/li>\n<li>I dare you to say my name three times<\/li>\n<li>Look out behind you<\/li>\n<li>Your message here &#8230; call 1-800&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>They really mean it when they say &#8216;Don&#8217;t touch that.&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>You guys wanna go see a dead body?<\/li>\n<li>Still alive and kicking in a parallel universe<\/li>\n<li>I see dead people<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hey Kid! Yeah, you! Steal this tombstone and hide it in your room to impress your friends!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2043],"tags":[6],"class_list":["post-625","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/625","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=625"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/625\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=625"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=625"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=625"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}