{"id":891,"date":"2003-01-28T03:42:35","date_gmt":"2003-01-28T19:42:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2003\/01\/28\/an-honest-job-application\/"},"modified":"2019-12-04T13:17:04","modified_gmt":"2019-12-04T21:17:04","slug":"an-honest-job-application","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/2003\/01\/28\/an-honest-job-application\/","title":{"rendered":"An honest job application"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:15422,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.funnybutsick.com&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20161002030257\\\/http:\\\/\\\/funnybutsick.com\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-13 18:20:42&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-13 18:20:42&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:15423,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.insultfinder.com&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20220811225302\\\/https:\\\/\\\/www.insultfinder.com\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-13 18:20:44&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-13 18:20:44&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:15424,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.burgerfinder.com&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:null,&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p>Rick sent me this a long time ago, and having job stuff on my brain, I remembered it and dug it out to post here. What follows is <del>(at least in theory) an actual job application submitted to McDonald&#8217;s by a 17 year old applicant<\/del> <ins>a humor piece by Greg Bulmash<\/ins>.<\/p>\n<p><del>He got the job.<\/del><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  <strong>Name:<\/strong> &#8211; &#8211; &#8211; &#8211; &#8211;<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Sex:<\/strong> Not yet I&#8217;m saving myself for the right person.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Desired position:<\/strong> Company&#8217;s President\/Vice President. But seriously, whatever&#8217;s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn&#8217;t be applying here in the first place.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Desired Salary:<\/strong> $185,000 a year plus stock option and should it not work out &#8212; a Michael Ovitz style severance package. Seriously, make an offer and we can haggle.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Education:<\/strong> Yes<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Last position held:<\/strong> Target for middle management hostility.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Salary:<\/strong> Less than I am worth.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Most notable achievement:<\/strong> My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it pads.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Reason for leaving:<\/strong> It sucked.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Hours available to work:<\/strong> Any.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Preferred hours:<\/strong> 1:30-3:30pm (with 1\/2 hour lunch break). Monday, Tuesday &amp; Thursday only.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Do you have any special skills?<\/strong> Yes, but they&#8217;re better suited to a more intimate environment.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>May we contact your current employer:<\/strong> If I had one, would I be here?<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Do you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to 50 lbs?<\/strong> Of what?<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Do you have a car:<\/strong> I think the more appropriate question here would be &#8220;Do you have a car that runs?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Have you received any special awards or recognition?<\/strong> I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstake.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Do you smoke?<\/strong> On the job &#8212; no, during breaks yes.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>What would you like to be doing in five years?<\/strong> Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy sexy super model blonde, who thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread. There again I&#8217;d like to be doing that now.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?<\/strong> Yes, Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>  <strong>Sign Here:<\/strong> Aries.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>The job application joke above is \u00a91997 by Greg Bulmash. Visit his <a href=\"http:\/\/www.funnybutsick.com\/\" title=\"Greg Bulmash presents Funny but Sick\">sick humor site<\/a>, his <a href=\"http:\/\/www.insultfinder.com\/\" title=\"InsultFinder.com\">insult site<\/a>, or his <a href=\"http:\/\/www.burgerfinder.com\/\" title=\"BurgerFinder.com - The Ultimate Hamburger Site\">hamburger<\/a> site.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Rick sent me this a long time ago, and having job stuff on my brain, I remembered it and dug it out to post here. What follows is (at least in theory) an actual job application submitted to McDonald&#8217;s by a 17 year old applicant. He got the job.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2043],"tags":[6],"class_list":["post-891","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=891"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=891"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=891"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelhans.com\/eclecticism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=891"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}