Memorandum

To: All Employees

From: The Management

Subject: Workplace Communication

It has come to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation among employees. Due to complaints from some of the more easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated.

The management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to properly express his feelings while communicating with fellow employees. therefore, management has compiled the following code list. It is imperative that all employees understand and memorize these coded phrases so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue.

Old Phrase	New Phrase
No fucking way!	I'm not certain that's feasible.
You're shitting me!	Really?
Tell someone who gives a fuck.	Perhaps you should check with...
Ask me if I give a fuck.	Of course I'm concerned.
It's not my fucking problem!	I wasn't involved with that project.
What the fuck?	I don't understand.
Fuck it, it won't work!	I'm not sure I can implement this.
He's got his head up his ass.	He's not familiar with the problem.
Who the fuck cares?	Are you sure it's a problem?
Kiss my ass!	So you'd like my help with it?
Fuck it, I'm on salary.	I'm a bit overloaded right now.
Shove it up your ass!	I don't think you understand.
This job sucks.	I love a challenge.
Who died and made you boss?	You want me to take care of this?
Blow me.	I see.
Blow yourself.	Do you see?
Another fucking meeting?	Yes, we need to discuss this.
I really don't give a shit.	I don't think it will be a problem.
He's fucking retarded!	He's a bit confused.
Eat shit!	You don't say!
Eat shit and die!	Excuse me?
Eat shit and die, motherfucker!	Excuse me, sir?

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