Woody's Quotebook I

All the people capable of running the government are too smart to get into politics!

-- Herman

Zippy the wonder slug...

-- me, describing a slow bus driver

Reality is a crutch for those who can't handle science fiction.

-- Bimbos of the Death Sun

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life...now that's depressing.

-- Ziggy

Ich glaube mein schwein pfeif!

-- German expresion of disbelief (I think my pig is whistling!)

Who is more foolish-the child afraid of the dark, or the man afraid of the light?

-- Maurice Freehill

Holy men tell us life is a mystery.
They embrace that concept happily.
But some mysteries bite and bark
And come to get you in the dark.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

A rain of shadows, a storm, a squall!
Daylight retreats, night swallows all.
If good is bright, if evil is gloom,
High evil walls the world entombs.
Now comes the end, the drear, Darkfall.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

Darkness devours every shining day.
Darkness demands and always has its way.
Darkness listens, watches, waits.
Darkness claims the day and celebrates.
Sometimes in silence darkness comes.
Sometimes with a gleeful banging of drums.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

Is there some meaning to this life?
What purpose lies behind the strife?
Whence do we come, where are we bound?
These cold questions echo and resound
Through each day, each lonely night.
We long to find the splendid light
That will cast a revelatory beam
Upon the meaning of the human dream.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

Courage, love, friendship,
Compassion and empathy
Lift us above the simple beasts
And define humanity.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

Numberless paths of night
Wind away from twilight.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

Something moves within the night
That is not good and is not right.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

The whisper of the dusk
Is night shedding its husk.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

Evil is no faceless stranger,
Living in a distant neighborhood.
Evil has a wholesome, hometown face,
With merry eyes and an open smile.
Evil walks among us, wearing a mask
Which looks like all our faces.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-- Woody Allen

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

-- Lao Tzu

The long habit of living indisposeth us for dying.

-- Sir Thomas Browne

Goodness speaks in a whisper. Evil shouts.

-- a Tibetan proverb

Goodness shouts. Evil whispers.

-- a Balinese proverb

A person may smile and smile and still be a villain.

-- Noelle Spafford

A penny saved...is a penny.

-- Leanne McClurg

Innocent until proven broke.

-- Neal Wozniak, commenting on the American philosophy of whoever can afford the best lawyer wins.

Choices and actions indicate character.

-- Edgar V. Roberts

Smart is believing half of what you know. Brilliant is knowing which half to believe.

-- Deidre Peterson

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now!

-- Queen

The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe...

-- Dr. McCoy, "Star Trek IV"

Give him an inch and he thinks he's a ruler!

-- Spanky

Were aliens likely to enjoy the music of Stevie Wonder and the Four Tops and the Pointer Sisters? Hardly. To human ears, alien music probably sounded like knights in armor playing bagpipes while simultaneously falling down a long flight of stairs amidst a pack of baying hounds.

-- Midnight, Dean R. Koontz

Drink your coffee. People in India are sleeping.

-- coffee mug

To find the IQ of a group, take the average IQ of the people involved and divide by the number of people in the group. Anyone who has ever marched troops can verify that a hundred men have the collective intelligence of a centipede.

-- The High-Tech Knight, Leo Frankowski

With me, women are like aspirin -- I take two and go to bed!

-- Joey, on "Degrassi Jr. High"

Whoa! Wake up on the wrong side of nobody this morning?

-- "Dear John"

This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

-- Arthur Dent, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

Mike...dumping J*** for J***** would be like dropping a first-class plane ticket to pick up a bus token.

-- Royce Williams

Life isn't fair -- it's just more fair than death.

-- The man in black, The Princess Bride, William Golding (Goldman?)

Life is pain, highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.

-- The man in black, The Princess Bride

What do you get when you cross a pig with an East High football player?
Nothing-there's some things a pig just won't do!

-- Me

If you go there...wear a jacket...

-- Billy Crystal

The world's an oyster, but you don't crack it open on a mattress!

-- Willy Loman, "Death of a Salesman"

You will never lose betting on human stupidity.

-- John Hanscom (my dad)

I don't particularly like sex...unless it's particularly directed at me!

-- a marine friend of my dad's

Stay-puft marshmallow corn trix...

-- Kevin Hanscom, on sugar cereals

Never rub another man's rhubarb!

-- The Joker, "Batman"

A-L-L spells everything.

-- Josh Buessler

The key to success is ignorance -- it's much easier to do something when you don't know it's impossible.

-- me

Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness.

-- James Thurber

I think, therefore, I am a mustache.

-- Jean-Paul Sartre

Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.

-- George Bernard Shaw

Thought depends absolutely on the stomach, but in spite of that, those who have the best stomachs are not the best thinkers.

-- Voltaire

There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the real labor of thinking.

-- Thomas Alva Edison

It is not best that we think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.

-- Mark Twain

It isn't what people think that is important, but the reason they think what they think.

-- Eugene Ionesco

The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things.

-- Buddha

Where can I hide when my mind is my own battlefield?

-- Stephanie Dickens

If freedom is a state of mind then this is one big mental block.

-- from the Berlin wall

Excuse me, I want to rape you.

-- Neal Wozniak

God only knows--and even she's guessing!

-- John Hanscom

Who cares?

-- Bartlett Apathy Club motto

Calling her thin would be missing a perfect chance to use the word emaciated.

-- me

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste!

-- "Leather Goddesses of Phobos"

Per mi si va ne la citta dolente,
Per mi si va ne l'etterno dolore,
Per me si va tra la perduta gente.
Giustizia mosse il mio alto fattore;
Fecimi la divina podestate,
La somma sapienza e 'l primo amore.
Dinanzi a me non fuor cose create
Se non etterne, e is etterno duro.
Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate.

-- Inscription above the gates of hell, Inferno, Dante Alligheiri
Translation: Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things
Were made, and I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, who enter here.

I went into a restaurant that said they served breakfast anytime, so I ordered pancakes in the Renaissance...

-- Steven Wright

Cancer cures smoking.

-- sticker

70% of the accidents in this world are caused by people. 70% of the people in this world are caused by accidents.

-- Royce Williams

Kevin thinks I'm seductive? Kevin thinks the Smurfs are seductive!

-- Karyn Moore

The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play.

-- Captain Kirk, "Shore Leave"

When you lose your power to laugh, you lose your power to think straight.

-- Robert E. Lee

Premenstrual Syndrome: Just before their periods, women act the way men do all the time.

-- Robert Heinlein

"Do you believe in ghosts?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because they are un-sci-en-ti-fic.... They contain no matter, and have no energy and therefore, according to the laws of science, do not exist except in people's minds.... Of course, the laws of science contain no matter and have no energy either and therefore do not exist except in peoples minds. It's best to be completely scientific about the whole thing and refuse to believe in either ghosts or the laws of science. That way you're safe."

-- Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

When it comes to sex, there are certain things that should always be left unknown...and with my luck, they will be.

-- Woody Allen

The world has no existence whatsoever outside of human imagination.

-- Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Could Jesus have gone swimming if he really wanted to?

-- Anonymous

While I was at the hotel today an elderly gentleman called upon me to know whether I was really in favor of producing a perfect equality between the negroes and the white people.... I will say then, that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the black and white races; that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people.... I as much as any man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.

-- Abraham Lincoln, 1858

It's amazing that something as simple as a screw could do so much for you!

-- Jeremy Canfield, in physics class

Gary--either listen to everything, or listen to nothing, but don't listen to half of what is said and make the rest up!

-- me

What if this were a rhetorical question?

-- me

It is not enough to have a good mind -- the main thing is to use it well.

-- Anonymous

He looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy on a bad day.

-- Diedre Peterson

If all the world's a stage, then when the last act is finished and mankind departs, there will be no applause.

-- Jason Alexander

Men have been blaming women for their problems since Adam and Eve...Adam was the first man to say, "She started it!"

-- Mrs. Armstrong

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

-- Janice Joplin

The eternal peanut guides our lives like a patient father. Quietly, with no advice, an occasional nudge is given to help us along our path in life. No thanks are given, or even asked. Just to see us make a contribution to our planet, however great or small, is thanks enough for the eternal peanut.

-- Rod Remily, from the Bartlett tech booth

I just like watching it get big.

-- Diedre Peterson

There is no problem so vast that you can't add a little guilt to it and make it worse.

-- "Calvin & Hobbes"

Every action of the human heart must trigger an equal and opposite reaction.

-- Grendel

Love is like 7-UP...never had it, never will!

-- Jenny Jones

"What's love?"
"Well, say the object of your affection walks by. First your heart falls into your stomach, splashing your innards, making you sweat. All the condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you babble like a cretin until she leaves."
"That's love?"
"Medically speaking."
"Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!"

-- "Calvin & Hobbes"

Brain sex -- when two people think the same thing at the same time.

-- Royce Williams

Great minds think alike...and so do ours.

-- Neal Wozniak

It's all the same in the end, matter and motion, simple or complex. No difference, finally. Death, transfiguration. Ashes to ashes and slime to slime, amen.

-- Grendel

I understood that the world was nothing: a mechanical chaos of casual, brute enmity on which we stupidly impose our hopes and fears. I understood that, finally and absolutely, I alone exist. All the rest, I saw, is merely what pushes me, or what I push against, blindly -- as blindly as all that is not myself pushes back. I create the whole universe, blink by blink.

-- Grendel

The world is what it is and always was. That's our hope, our chance. Yet even in times of catastrophe we people it with tricks.

-- Grendel

Except in the life of a hero, the whole world is meaningless. The hero sees values beyond what's possible. That's the nature of a hero. It kills him, of course, ultimately. But it makes the whole struggle of humanity worthwhile.

-- Grendel

There is no limit to desire but desire's needs.

-- Grendel

Grendel's Law: For every action of the human heart, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

-- Grendel

If you sent American beer out to be analyzed, the lab would probably phone up and say, "Your horse has diabetes."

-- Bimbos of the Death Sun

Allow people their dreams, and they shall allow you yours.

-- Royce Williams

I used to think there were two categories -- crazy and not crazy. Now I know it's not that complicated.

-- "Handy Dandy"

People read us by our cover. Our face reflects what we are, and what we feel -- and what we deny we are feeling. Smiles dull when we are saddened. Eyes sparkle when life is good. The face when it laughs is a magnet for love. Ultimate beauty, we suspect, is the consequence of inner serenity.

-- Lears

If pro is the opposite of con, then isn't progress the opposite of congress?

-- Gallagher

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

-- Jaci Hudson

McMahon's Maxim: Intelligence is directly proportional to intelligence, and, in some instances, insanity.

-- Matt McMahon

My God! That bowling ball! That's my wife!!!

-- The J. Giles Band, "Hold the Anchovies"

...I retain the feeling that it's the nightmares that are real and my life here and now that's a dream...

-- The Healer's War

Innuendo is my life.

-- Royce Williams

Don't trust Jason with your penguin, girls!

-- Frau Sanders

Time is a corridor that runs through my life,
Out of each door comes a day,
And when that door closes and I've said goodnight,
Another door opens again.
Down in the corridor there will be a time
When I shall run out of doors.

-- Squeeze, "In Today's Room"

I sent in my application to the Optimists' Society yesterday, but I don't think they're going to accept it.

-- Anonymous

AP Shop: Cast your own parts and assemble a semi. You have the semester.

-- Royce Williams

"You've lost your grip on reality!"
"Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash, and I'm quite happy to say that I have no grasp on it whatsoever!"

-- Baron Munchausen

I don't want to be intimate with anything that has a 90-day warranty.

-- Sally Fields, in "Punchline"

Did I mention I'm hung like a snuffleupagus? Only Big Bird can see it though, which is a problem.

-- comedian on late night TV

We did everything the way grownups would. Why didn't it work?

-- Piggy, Lord of the Flies, William Goldman (Golding?)

The best laid plot can injure its maker, and often a man's perfidy will rebound on himself.

-- Jean de la Fontaine

I do not despair in the least of ultimate triumph. I repeat it with intense conviction.

-- Emile Zola

I don't create problems -- I observe existing ones.

-- Susan Beller

Are you going to take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside that red firelight.
Are you going to let it all hang out?
Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round!

-- Queen

Sometimes I think that the surest sign of intelligent life in this universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

-- "Calvin & Hobbes"

I'm always quiet if you don't listen to me!

-- me

Yesterday won't be over until tomorrow, and tomorrow began ten thousand years ago.

-- William Faulkner

The sweetest rose--
Shoved up your nose.
You lick my toes
While in repose;
My mother knows
Where Einstein goes.
I'm in the throes
of melanoma.

-- Royce Williams and I, during a slow day in physics class.

Living anywhere in the world and being opposed to any race or color is like living in Alaska and being opposed to snow.

-- William Faulkner

That was the problem -- you weren't using your tongue last time!

-- me to Karyn Moore

"Where should I put the zucchini?"
"Oh, I don't know."
"I'll just shove it where it fits."

-- me and Laurie McCoy, making a salad

"Do you have any measurements?"
"Oh, about twelve handfuls."

-- Laurie McCoy and Maureen, an exchange student

Don't call me a rapist...I'm a random sperm donor!

-- Royce Williams

If wishes were horses, beggars would wish for saddles.

-- Spanky

I don't want to be part of any country club that would accept me as a member.

-- Groucho Marx

Overall, I give this a sphincter factor of about 9.5!

-- Hippy, "The Abyss"

In medium empathy, Jay entered the minds of his former worshippers, and heard them think it and say it. Gravely they repeated:
"God is dead!"
Jay smiled as he pushed the Hold button.
"How wrong they are...but it's true...I had a close shave, once..."

-- Creator, David Lake

The girl was committing suicide again on the lower afterdeck. They told me I'd get used to it, but after four times I could still only pretend to ignore it, pretend that I didn't hear the body go over, hear the splash, and the scream as she was sucked into the screws. It was all too brief and becoming all too familiar.

-- Dance Band on the Titanic, Jack L. Chalker

"Playboy prints some really good articles, they just clutter it up with pictures of naked women."
"I'm not sure it's clutter dad...it's more like garnish."

-- Dad and I debating the merits of 'adult' magazines

I drank what?

-- Socrates

Three things should never be broken -- toys, hearts, and promises.
Two things should never end -- friendship and happiness.
One thing should never be said -- goodbye.

-- Laurie McCoy

Money is the sincerest form of flattery.
Women love to be flattered.
So do men.

-- James Clark

Voulez-vouz couchˇ avec moi, ce soir?

-- Karyn Moore, Laurie McCoy, and dad, at various times and with various degrees of sincerity.

Accept change, for change is a constant.

-- Laurie McCoy

If it feels good, do it again. If not, find another partner.

-- Karyn Moore

"I came, I saw, she conquered." The original Latin phrase seems to have been garbled.

-- Lazarus Long

Why is the sky blue? Because if it was green we wouldn't know where to stop mowing.

-- me

Carpe diem.

-- "The Dead Poet's Society"

Be kind to cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.

-- Anonymous

Every eye sees its own special vision;
Every ear hears a most different song.
In each man's troubled heart, an incision
Would reveal a unique, shameful wrong.
Stranger fiends hide here in human guise
Than reside in the valleys of Hell.
But goodness, kindness and love arise
In the heart of the poor beast, as well.

-- The Book of Counted Sorrows

Deaf dumb blind boy sure plays a mean pinball!

-- The Who, "Tommy"

Superstition brings bad luck.

-- Raymond Smullyan

You cannot escape one infinite, I told myself, by fleeing to another; you cannot escape the revelation of the identical by taking refuge in the illusion of the multiple.

-- Foucault's Pendulum, Umberto Eco

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!

-- Heather #1, "Heathers"

One time I saw a subliminal advertising executive...but just for a second.

-- Steven Wright

How the angel got on top of the Christmas tree:
One Christmas Eve, Santa was having a really hard day. His best suit was torn, Mrs. Claus had burned his supper, the Elves were on strike, and the reindeer had gotten loose from the pen and were lost somewhere over the North Pole. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and when he opened the door, a smiling, peaceful angel with a large tree stepped in and said, "Hey Santa, where do you want this tree?"

-- Laurie McCoy

Chivalry is, in short, an oath. It is an oath to: speak the truth, to maintain right, to practice courtesy, and to defend and protect to the utmost women, the poor and the oppressed.

-- Anonymous

Finally, there are few satisfactions greater than being your own man, living a thoughtful life where few hostages have been given to fortune, and achieving your own unique values. What, then, do many people, young and old, really want? They want more uncluttered space, physically and spiritually. They want a place where they can sit down without having someone tell them to move over. They want more people to practice what Rudyard Kipling called "the art of judicious letting alone."

-- from mom's Adult Learning and Development textbook

Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications...are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence and nothing too much.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My work has nothing to do with reality.

-- M. C. Escher

German is just not a pretty language. It's hard to romance someone when you're coughing up beer bubbles...!

-- Pat Whitsell

Have you heard the theme song from the new ads urging everyone to sign up for the draft?
"It's Saudi Duty Time!" (sung to the tune of the Howdy Doody theme)

-- Chad Terry

The first casualty when war comes is truth.

-- Hiram Johnson

The ancients had a great advantage over us in that their armies were not trailed by a second army of pen pushers.

-- Napoleon Bonaparte

I don't need to be intelligent. There are moments I am a complete idiot, and others when I'm less of an idiot. That's all.

-- Gerard Depardieu

It'll be very!

-- "Heathers"

Gentlemen! You can't fight in here! This is the war room!

-- The President of the United States, in "Dr. Strangelove, or, How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb"

Allright...but if you don't get ahold of the President, do you know who'll you'll have to answer to? The Coca-Cola Company!

-- General Batguano, about to shoot open a pop machine to get change for an emergency call to the President in "Dr. Strangelove..."

what's wholly
marvelous,
Darling,
is that you & i
are more than you & i
because
it's
we.

-- e. e. cummings

Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge -- others just gargle.

-- Anonymous

Life's a bitch and then you die -- the new slang version of the bible.

-- Mrs. Armstrong

There are tears in the heart
that never reach the eye.

-- Shakespeare

The new album from M.C. Escher, "Please Escher Don't Hurt 'em," featuring the hit single "You Can't Draw This!"

-- Jason Alexander

Why do they call Wednesday "Hump Day" when most of us get it on the weekends?

-- Chad Terry

The rules change when they change and everything is true unless it isn't.

-- Mindplayers, Pat Cadigan

Truth and information are not the same thing, and neither are reality and state of existance!

-- Mindplayers

All my life I've been saying "Why me?" I finally figured out why -- I'm the only one stupid enough to actually do all of this. And you know what? I think I like it.

-- Belgarion, somewhere in the Mallorean (I think), David Eddings

Is this Baroque? I don't know, but if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it!

-- Brian Medsker, on architecture

I'll never let you go,
You're always on my mind.
You're the only one for me,
You're all I need,
And I'll never, never let you go.

-- Steelheart, "Never Let You Go"

Some people walk in the rain -- others just get wet.

-- anonymous

My mind isn't always in the gutter -- sometimes I let it out to feed.

-- me

I hope you got fat.
I hope you got really fat.
'Cause if you got really, really fat
You just might want to see me come back
I hope you got fat.
Don't matter how heavy, how skinny
Just gimme, gimme,
Something, something, something to love.
A little extra weight
Would never look no nicer on nobody else but you.
And I could always use
A little something to hold on to.
And when I get scared in the middle of the night
I'll cling to you.
I hope you got fat.
I hope you got truly fat.
'Cause if you got fat, fat, fat
You just might want to see me come back
I hope you got fat.

-- The Violent Femmes, "Fat"

Who said I wasn't humble? Of course I'm humble If I wasn't humble, that would make me imperfect!

-- Jeremy Canfield

"If you gave an infinite amount of monkeys an infinite amount of time, sooner or later they would type all of Shakespeare's plays."
"Is that some sort of crack on Shakespeare?"

-- Dad and Kevin

I wonder if he ever realized I taped that "kick me" sign on the inside of his foreskin?

-- Royce, dorking around on my computer late one night

I need to pee so bad my eyes are watering!

-- Amy, a girl in Chamber Choir, during the school choir trip to Fairbanks

Religion and sex are powerplays
Manipulate the people for the money they pay
Selling skin, selling god
The numbers look the same on their credit cards
Politicians say no to drugs
While we pay for wars in South America
Fighting fire with empty words
While the banks get fat
And the poor stay poor
And the rich get rich
And the cops get paid
To look away
As the one percent rules America
Spreading the disease

-- Queensryche, "Spreading the Disease" from Operation: Mindcrime

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to suck the marrow out of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

-- Henry David Thoreau

I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.

-- Walt Whitman

a politician is an arse upon
which everyone has sat except a man

-- e. e. cummings

How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

-- Bob Dylan, "Like a Rolling Stone"

Will you stop it with that stupid tongue, Monica?

-- Stiffy, trying to take a picture of Monica

Cockpit? Would that be something like an armpit?

-- me

Take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing there to remind me
Just a memory of your face
Just take a look at me now...

-- Phil Collins "Against All Odds"

Wouldn't you agree?
Baby you and me
we've got a groovy kind of love.
When I'm feeling blue
all I have to do
is take a look at you
then I'm not so blue
When I'm in your arms
nothing seems to matter
the whole world could shatter
I don't care.
Wouldn't you agree?
Baby you and me
We've got a groovy kind of love.

-- Phil Collins "Groovy Kind of Love"

What's 100m long and has two chest hairs?
A line for a New Kids concert!

-- Christian Mueller, Kev Eliasen's homestay

Two beer or not two beer, that is the question -- Shakesbeer

-- on a poster in a german religion class

And is one, two, three, what
we are fighting for, don't ask me
it don't make a sense, next
stop in Vietnam!

-- found on a german school desk, as is

Kein blut fur $ ol!

-- graffiti on the school in Leverkusen

"I'm trapped in Germany with a bunch of white people!"
"Yeah -- Ah've been kidnapped by Honkeys!"

-- Stiffy & me teasing Courtney R., the only black kid in the group

"Mark -- Verena!"
"Shut up, she's cute!"

-- a slightly plastered Stiffy, looking for a drinking partner

"Oh, Kevin, you're so funny."
"Yeah, but looks aren't everything."
"Unfortunately, Kevin, in your case they are!"

-- Sabina (a German), Kevin, and then me.

Courtney, you're the anti-christ. No, never mind, you're not that bad. You're the anti- of something good, though. You're the anti-smurf! Courtney, you're the anti-smurf.

-- me to Courtney Ramsay