There are people I unquestionably despise. They lack morals, character, and honesty. They change this country’s moral infrastructure. In case you can’t tell, I’m talking about Mr. Michael Hanscom here. Let us note first of all that whenever anyone states the obvious — that Michael’s wisecracks are one of those things that will turn over our country to putrid wisenheimers — discussion naturally progresses towards the question, ‘Why can’t Michael live among us in peace?’

— thanks to Scott Pakin’s automatic complaint-letter generator