This is one of the posts I lost in the crash — but I remembered that I’d had it up, and went looking for the original links.
MetaFilter had a link up to a story about a man who refused to stop having sex with a woman in a public pool until she reached orgasm.
This led to an entertaining little discussion, starting with beth‘s assertion that “…just for the record not every woman in the world wants an orgasm every time“. Things bounced merrily along for a while, until Miguel Cardoso posted the following entertaining and fascinating rundown of Porgugese sexual customs.
(Liberal use of ‘the F word’ follows, though [IMHO] not in an offensive manner.)
Why do you think it’s so common for women to fake orgasms?
I don’t know if all women fake orgasms. In Portugal, for instance, it would be considered silly and slightly demeaning for the man — as if he somehow needed that sort of reassurance.
Sex is a lot more honest here. If you come, you come. If you don’t, you don’t. No big deal. There’s certainly no discussion afterwards about “how good it was for you”.
On the other hand, if the woman wants to come she won’t accept not coming and will cajole and indeed badger her lover (caring nothing for his feelings or fatigue) to keep on going or do whatever’s needed for her to finally come.
Men accept this as part of the deal and do their best to pretend they enjoy it, to help their partners’ concentration and get the damn thing over and done with. So if anyone fakes anything, it’s the men. Though giggles are frequent and distracting, specially when it’s physically obvious the man’s ardour is diminished.
Mostly, though, people just enjoy the sex. Coming just for the sake of coming is considered a waste of resources and opportunity. Men often give up on a second orgasm when women finally reach their first. Actually they save it for a bit later. Fucking and love-making are far too enjoyable and playful.
There are a lot of different names for love-making. Here are some:
- fodinha (literally “itsy-bitsy fuck”): a sweet, quickish and essentially selfish fuck, undertaken just to assuage a sudden horniness on the part of one of the two lovers. It’s a letting-off of steam, generally because there’ll be a better opportunity later, and ends when the horny partner comes.
- foduncha (literally “chunky fuck”): a “see what happens” fuck, where both are keen but not desperate. It ends when whoever comes first comes.
- fodinha obrigada (literally “thank you fuck”): it’s a request fuck. Whoever’s eager asks for a compassionate gift-fuck. The partner providing the gift doesn’t even try to enjoy it – that’s part of the fun. Being a gift, these favours are counted and “owed”.
- fodinha ó-ó (literally “bye-byes fuck”): a fuck exclusively destined to provoke sleep. This one demands mutual orgasms or extreme tiredness, whatever comes first.
- foda (literally “fuck”): the real thing, violent and tender, long and profoundly satisfying to both.
There’s certainly no shame in wanting it badly or not wanting it particularly, in coming inadvertently or not being able to come after much effort. It’s fun and it makes for a very varied and, above all, friendly, accomplice-style sex life.
So I think I know why the Italian guy kept going. Because his lover would have made his life hell if he’d have caved in. Specially if being watched was part of her pleasure.
Well that’s a comment I certainly didn’t think I’d ever make…
— Miguel Cardoso, on MeFi
So, how does one pronounce “ó-ó”?
it’s pronounced “aw aw” and it’s a childish, affectionate way of saying sleep, onomatopeic for snoring. It’s also the lullaby sound used to put babies to sleep.
While I’m at it, here are some other local variants. I should add that none of these are rude or obscene — they’re just expressions for shared experiences, used by couples and in everyday conversation between men, women or women and men together.
- fodinha bom dia or fodinha xi-xi (literally “good morning fuck” or “wee wee fuck”): A lazy, opportunistic fuck, carried out to benefit from waking erections. Bladder pressure is considered to increase pleasure for both men and women.
- fodinha como-quem-näo-quer-a-coisa (literally “a seemingly reluctant fuck, undertaken as if it wasn’t really desired”): a “oh come here!” fuck, always carried out just before leaving home, generally due to one or both lovers being attractively dressed. There are strict rules not to muss up make-up or outfits, so it’s quite a surgical affair. Very sexy, though and it makes the night last longer as you’re not in such a rush to get back home again.
- fodinha molhada(literally “wet, slippery fuck”): this is essentially a drunken fuck, with little expectation of orgasm. It’s undertaken as a form of cuddling, with lots of kissing, groping and talking dirty but no real consummation. It often lasts for hours and is very sexy in a Tao sort of way. Just desserts are postponed till morning. [See fodinha bom dia].
I can’t believe every culture doesn’t have exact equivalents. The only difference may be the complicity — man and woman (or whatever) are essentially friends and conspirators and enjoy the dirty fun of honesty, laughter and downright selfishness, lust and greed.
— Miguel Cardoso, on MeFi