Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours. “Introverts…are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don’t outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness.” Just so.
The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books — written, no doubt, by extroverts — regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts’ Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say “I’m an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush.”
— from a wonderful article in The Atlantic entitled Caring for your Introvert (via Jason Kottke) I’m almost tempted to keep copies of this article around to hand out to a few people I know.
i’m an extrovert… but i don’t think i’m that bad! :(
At first I thought that quote was a joke. “Are introverts arrogant? … has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts.” So, to answer the question “are introverts arrogant?” — Yes. Or at least the author of that article is. As with everything in life, you have to take the “middle path”. Being constantly extroverted and chatty doesn’t generally bode well with others, but neither does being anti-social. I’m fairly introverted myself in the sense that I don’t mind spending time alone with my thoughts (though I don’t need to be alone for a certain amount of time), but I don’t walk around thinking that all those extroverted people should shut up.
It sounds like the author should quit whining about being an oppressed introvert and try dealing with people rather than thinking everyone should shut up. But what do I know?
Dave — first off, did you read the entire article? I hadn’t thought about it when I put it up, but the section I pulled does make it sound a bit more whiney than the actual article comes across as (at least, I didn’t read the original article as being that whiney).
For myself, I tend to veer between times of being more introverted and times of being more extroverted (something I touched on back in December), though overall I definitely lean much more toward the introverted side of things. The part of this section that really struck a cord with me was, …as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. There have been many, many times when I’ve heard someone go on and on, and they never seem to say anything, no matter how much they talk. Those are the people that I’d like to be able to tell — politely — to shush.
Oh, and Kirsten? You’re definitely not one I’d tell to shush. I’ve yet to see you pontificating sans content. So no more little frowny emotes from you, missy! ;)
So, reading this and knowing that you are an intovert makes me wonder how many times you have been around me and wanted to strangle me. :) Our conversations in the past have mostly been pretty level as far as both of us sharing ideas goes, but I am the one that tackles talking like a pitbull does a squirrel.
I often wonder how you managed to sit there all those nights in your room and talk to me without going crazy and strangling me. (although I think that you were mainly entertained my my chest most of the time) the beauty of us being friends in spite of the fact that you don’t really speak much is that we still mesh well due to our twin interrest in being freaks.
Still, I miss you and your “rude” behavior. ;) take it easy
What extroverts do not realize is how hard it is for us iontroverts to do the things they take for granted. When we do not send the expected signals, we are judged aloof.
I do not mind extroverts wanting me to be more outgoing, and I do actually try. I wish most extroverts would try to meet me halfway, however.
Erika. though I do not know you, I do know Mike and me, and I can tell you easily you are not strangled as you are valued. It was a gift most extroverts do not have, to sit and “make nice” with an introvert, as it is not the easiest thing in the world, and you should be commended for it. The “rudeness” which sometimes appears is at times our desperate attempt to make contact. I do not know your age; perhaps you can remember the Transactional Analysis phrase, “It is better to have bad breath than no breath at all.” An introvert wants contact, but it is hard. It is probably usually hard for most extroverts to spend a lot of time in solitude and meditation, though I do not know, as I have never been one.
Dave – your “you have to take the middle path” comment is patronizing at best. First of all, I do not, thank you very much. Secondly, many times I cannot it. Call me whiney, if you will, but I am far more realistic than you are.
I would be very interested in a study which would determine how psychologically healthy introverts typically are. I believe my own introvertedness is related at least in part to feelings of being judged and low self-esteem. This is, of course, a downward spiraling cycle, for many reasons, one being that it’s hard to keep a friendship with an extravert who does not understand the introvert’s tendencies.
The other type of introvert I’m familiar with is the type who justifies his minority status with a superiority complex. This covers the arrogant type of introvert (of which not all of us are). Judging themselves superior, they write off friends as something not needed and anyone else not worth spending time on. This sort of reclusiveness is actually beneficial to the rest of us, because who wants to deal with an arrogant sort of person? They themselves consider this a healthy psychological state, I imagine, being ‘above’ others and the needs for emotions they long ago repressed. Unfortunately this gives some credence to the superiority complex which continues to build, as they spend so much time in isolation htey have too much time to study and amass their knowledge and seed of conceit.
Neither cycle seems particularly healthy or comfortably happy to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there’s some well-adjusted introverts out there…but I’m guessing the majority of this minority isn’t very content.
THANK YOU, Melanie! I recently room mated with a “friend” who claims she is an introvert. She definitely matches your description of a person who has a superiority complex. The author of this article reminds me of her. The line of thinking,”We are more intelligent….”. Seriously? Being an introvert does not make you more intelligent than anyone else. And I hate to break it to the author, but most people experience the feeling that people are going on and on about nothing and really need to get to “the point”.
What i find that a lot of you dont understand, is that being an introvert is an ORIENTATION, not a choice,
not a lifestyle. They are the deep thinkers, they are the sensitive ones. Extrovert oftne believe that
others who are not like them do not deserve to be around them, or to participate socialy. i’ve noticed that
someone mentioned having to “recharge” after being around people for a long time. this generally isn’t true
among most introverts. I’d have to disagree with Melanie. she is deffinitely not an introvert, and unless
you are, you’lld never truly understand the pains that we go through. I would know, i my self am one. She
also mentioned wanting conduct a research on tye mental health of introverts. hmm…i wonder if she
noticed how one out of every two people is an introvert. To suspect something like that is completely
unfounded.Being an introvert does not imply being anti-social or reclusive We do not think that we are superior.
we find people tiring. When was the last time you were accosted with blabbering? “HEY wanna see my LUCKY
penny?!?!?!”
If anyone can help me get closer to an Introvert, please help me. I am in love with my Introvert boyfriend of two years. I am very much an Extrovert and I am having a hard time seeing that he loves me. I know he does and he is just not good at showing emotion. I want to spend more time with him but he likes to be alone, again, this is because we are total opposites here. I am learning as much as I can to make my boyfriend comfortable and happier around me. I love him very much and want to learn how to make him happy. Please pass along any ideas.