Debate time!

There’s a wonderful clip from Jon Stewart’s ‘Daily Show’ online right now — a debate betwen President George W. Bush and Presidential candidate Governor George W. Bush — that is flat-out hilarious (RealPlayer video file).

(via halfast)

Jon Stewart: Since the beginning of all this “Weapons of Mass Destruction”, “regime change”, “pockets of resistance”, “targets of opportunity” business, it’s been difficult to have an honest discussion about the direction President Bush is taking this country. In fact, when you combine the new madate that criticising the Commander in Chief is off limits in wartime with last year’s official disbanding of the Democratic Party, well, we’re left at an all-time low in the “good old-fashioned honest debate” category. Now, I know you’re thinking, “But Jon, every time I want to have a calm, honest discussion about these kinds of issues, I’m shouted down and harassed by the Dixie Chicks and their ilk.” Well, tonight, it all changes. We’re going to have an open, honest debate between the President of the United States and the one man we believe has the insight and the cojones to stand up to him. So first, joining us tonight, George W. Bush, 43^rd^ President of the United States. Welcome, Mr. President.

President George W. Bush: Good evening, I’m pleased to take your questions tonight.

JS: Well, thank you very much sir, I’m pleased to ask them. Taking the other side, joining us from the year 2000, Texas Governor and Presidential candidate, George W. Bush.

Governor George W. Bush: Good evening.

JS: Thank you, Governor. Mr. President, you won the coin toss, the first question will go to you. Why is the United States of America using it’s power to change governments in foreign countries?

PGWB: We must stand up for our security, and for the permanent rights, and for the hopes of mankind. The United States of America will make that stand.

JS: Well, certainly that represents a bold new doctrine in foreign policy, Mr. President. Governor Bush, do you agree with that?

GGWB: Yeah, I, I, I, I’m not so sure the role of the United States is to go around the world and say, “this is the way it’s gotta be.”

JS: All right, well that’s interesting. Ah, well that’s a, that’s a difference of opinion, and certainly that’s what this country is about, differences of opinion — Mr. President, let me just get specific. Why are we in Iraq?

PGWB: We, we will be, um, changing the regime of Iraq, for the good of the Iraqi people.

JS: Governor, then I’d like to hear your response on that.

GGWB: If we’re an arrogant nation they’ll, they’ll resent us. I think one way for us to end up being viewed as the “ugly American” is for us to go around the world saying, “we do it this way, so should you.”

JS: Well that’s, that’s an excellent point. Um, I don’t think you can argue with that. Ah, Mr. President, is the idea to just build a new country that we like better?

PGWB: We will tear down the apparatus of terror. And we will help you to build a new Iraq, that is prosperous, and free.

GGWB: I don’t think our troops ought to be used for what’s called “nation building.”

JS: Well that’s fair enough Governor, I mean certainly that’s, that’s, you’re entitled to that. But then, Governor, answer this — how do you propose we nation build? Would you use diplomacy?

GGWB: Lemme say this to you, I wouldn’t use force, I wouldn’t use force.

JS: Well, Mr. President, clearly you’re skeptical of the Governor. Now Governor, you sound categorically against the use of force. In your time in Texas, what have you done to demonstrate your willingness to be tough?

GGWB: Well, I’ve been standing up to big Hollywood, big trial lawyers, um…what was the question, it was about emergencies, wasn’t it?

JS: No, no it wasn’t. Getting back to Iraq, Mr. President, you’re as familiar with the Governor’s record in Texas as anybody. Are you willing, are you willing, Mr. President, to trust Governor Bush with our foreign policy?

PGWB: I’m not willing to take that chance again, Jon.

JS: Strong words, from two very different men. Now, as this debate draws to a close, I need to turn to the subject of money. Much of this discussion on foreign policy is moot if we can’t afford to pay for it. So, we’re running out of time, quickly, both of you, let’s talk numbers.

PGWB: I’m sending the Congress a wartime supplemental appropriations request of 74.7 billion dollars. To fund needs directly arising from the Iraqi conflict.

JS: 74.7 billion dollars appears to be within the realm of reason. Governor?

GGWB: Obviously tonight we’re going to hear some phony numbers about what I think and what we oughtta do.

JS: Wow. That’s a little vituperative. Well on that note, I’m going to thank both George W. Bushes for taking part tonight. In keeping with our debate rules, we will end our discussion with a trite and insincere farewell, Mr. President, you are the most powerful man in the world, you go first.

PGWB: Goodnight, and may God continue to bless America.

JS: Wow — incredibly insincere. Governor, can you top that?

GGWB: Thanks, thanks from the bottom of my heart.

JS: Nice. Wow. Now, this has been, I have really enjoyed this meeting of the minds, what a historic evening. It’s really one for the vaults, if only there were a secure place to put the videotape of this for all time. Where could we put it?

Al Gore: I think it should stay in a lockbox.

JS: I’m sorry, where, where should we put it?

AG: Lockbox, lockbox, lockbox.

JS: Well, you don’t have to shout. We’ll be right back…

Too funny!