In the beginning…

I first saw this years ago, and recently ran across it again thanks to Dave Caolo. It’s always made me laugh, hopefully you will too.

In the beginning, there was the computer…

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said

c:> Let there be light!

Enter user id.

c:> God

Enter password.

c:> Omniscient

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:> Omnipotent

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:> Technocrat

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

c:> Let there be light!

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:> Create light

Done

c:> Run heaven and earth

And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

c:> Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light.

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:> Create firmament

Done.

c:> Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

c:> Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and

Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

c:> Create dry_land

Done.

c:> Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

c:> Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:> Create sun_moon_stars

Done

c:> Run sun_moon_stars

And God separated the light from the darkness. The sun ruled over the day and the moon and stars ruled over the night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

c:> Create fish

Done

c:> Create fowl

Done

c:> Run fish, fowl

And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.

c:> Create cattle

Done

c:> Create creepy_things

Done

c:> Now let us make man in our image

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:> Create man

Done

c:> Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth

Too many command operands. Try again.

c:> Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 6 errors.

c:> Insert breath

Done

c:> Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 5 errors.

c:> Move man to Garden of Eden

File Garden of Eden does not exist.

c:> Create Garden.edn

Done

c:> Move man to Garden.edn

Done

c:> Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 4 errors.

c:> Copy woman from man

Done

c:> Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 2 errors.

c:> Create desire

Done

c:> Run multiplication

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:> Create freewill

Done

c:> Run freewill

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:> Undo desire

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

c:> Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:> Help

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:> Create tree_of_knowledge

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:> Create good, evil

Done

c:> Activate evil

And God saw he had created shame.
Warning system error in sector E95.
Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.

c:> Scan Garden.edn for man, woman

Search failed.

c:> Delete shame

Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.

c:> Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:> Stop

Unrecognizable command. Try again

c:> Break
c:> Break
c:> Break

ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.

c:> Create new world

You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.

c:> Destroy earth

Destroy earth: Please confirm.

c:> Destroy earth confirmed

COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.

On March 8, God created the Macintosh.