Star Trek Craptinuum

I’m not sure what’s more mind-numbing: That Paramount is doing this with Star Trek, or that there are probably enough people willing to spend their money this way to make it worthwhile for Paramount to do this.

Paramount is aping what’s worked for big NFT projects in the past; the Star Trek NFTs will depict “algorithmically-generated starships” and can be purchased at the low, low price of $250 per pack. Packs, by the way, contain a single ship — which only has around an 11 percent chance of looking like the Enterprise. You can (but absolutely should not) guarantee that you’ll get a cool ship by buying the “Admiral pack” instead of the “Captain pack,” but you can only get those if you’ve shelled out for a Recur pass — another NFT that costs at least $290.

I mean, yes, I’m occasionally willing to drop some money on a nice Star Trek collectible (evidence attached, and thank you to Eaglemoss for the beautiful work on these). But they’re actual physical models, not $250 JPGs of weirdly distorted versions of the classic ships.

Two models of the USS Enterprise, one the original TOS version, one the Next Generation version, on a desktop.

It just baffles me. Even without getting into how horrendous the underlying technology is, why would anyone pay that much money for an image of a “Constitution class” that apparently doesn’t include the nacelle struts?

A screenshot of a promo image showing a badly rendered image of the original Enterprise, apparently with its nacelles attached directly to the secondary hull.

Or a “Constitution refit” — theoretically, the ship we see in The Motion Picture, an absolutely gorgeous upgrade to the original Enterprise — with the nacelles attached upside down?

A screenshot of a promo image of the upgraded version of the Enterprise, only the nacelles sit below the secondary hull instead of above.

I mean, sure, if that was a cheap plastic knockoff toy that I saw at a random roadside stop in the midst of an ill-conceived Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas-style roadtrip, yeah, I’d be amused and drop $5 or $10 on it to laugh at with my friends.

But $250? For a digital file? That I now already “own” by virtue of, hey, I saved it from Twitter, and now it’s right up there in this very post, where I can mock it without paying for the privilege? And without all the backend BS? Just…no. So much no.

(Originally posted on Twitter.)