Politics

Update: I originally received this as an uncredited e-mail forward. After I got an e-mail asking about the source, I did a quick Google search, and what follows appears to be a variation of a BuzzFlash article by Kelley Kramer.

George W. Bush — The White House, USA

LAW ENFORCEMENT:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver’s license suspended for 30 days.

My Texas driving record has been “lost” and is not available.

MILITARY:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.

I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.

By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.

I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975.

I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas.

The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by anygovernor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida,and my father’s appointments to the Supreme Court,I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I’m proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My “poorest millionaire,” Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. “prisoners of war” detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.

After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of asovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families –in war time.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my “presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.” This is an actual quote by the mayor of London, Ken Livingston.

I am supporting development of a nuclear “Tactical Bunker Buster,” a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father’s library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

From the New York Times: Bush Seeks Help of Allies Barred From Iraq Deals

President Bush found himself in the awkward position on Wednesday of calling the leaders of France, Germany and Russia to ask them to forgive Iraq’s debts, just a day after the Pentagon excluded those countries and others from \$18 billion in American-financed Iraqi reconstruction projects.

White House officials were fuming about the timing and the tone of the Pentagon’s directive, even while conceding that they had approved the Pentagon policy of limiting contracts to 63 countries that have given the United States political or military aid in Iraq.

Many countries excluded from the list, including close allies like Canada, reacted angrily on Wednesday to the Pentagon action. They were incensed, in part, by the Pentagon’s explanation in a memorandum that the restrictions were required “for the protection of the essential security interests of the United States.”

How does any of this help anyone?

The news actually “broke” yesterday, with a bunch of “this is about to happen” articles, but now it’s official: Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean’s presidential campaign.

Al Gore endorsed Howard Dean’s bid for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination on Tuesday, substantially deepening Dean’s fast-developing drive for dominance in the nine-candidate field of would-be challengers to President Bush.

“I’m very proud and honored to endorse Howard Dean to be the next president of the United States of America,” Gore said.

[…]

“In a field of great candidates, one candidate clearly now stands out and so I’m asking all of you to join in this grassroots movement to elect Howard Dean president of the United States,” Gore said.

[…]

“He was the only major candidate who made the correct judgment about the Iraq war,” Gore said. “And he had the insight and the courage to say and do the right thing. And that’s important because those judgments — that basic common sense — is what you want in a president.”

“Whether it is inspiring enthusiasm at the grassroots, and promising to remake the Democratic Party as a force for justice and progress and good in America, whether it is a domestic agenda that gets our nation back on track, or whether it is protecting us against terrorists and strengthening our nation in the world, I have come to the conclusion that one candidate clearly now stands out,” Gore said.

Excellent news, I’d say — nice to get an endorsement from the candidate who was actually elected President of the United States back in 2000! ;)

If Bush has his way, in a few years our ground troops could be carrying ‘small scale’, ‘low-yield’ nuclear rockets.

President Bush signed a huge new defense bill that includes millions of dollars for a small nuclear bomb designed to destroy deep, hardened underground bunkers.

Among the many items tucked away in the \$401 billion defense authorization act was a \$15 million three-year research project by the Energy and Defense departments to create the Robust Nuclear Earth Penetrator.

The legislation repeals a decade-old ban on research into low-yield nuclear weapons.

The controversial new weapon would consist of a hard-nosed rocket able to penetrate 20 feet into the earth with a small-scale nuclear bomb, modified from an existing nuke, that would go off on a delay – so that it would explode at the deepest point.

Bush scares me more and more every day.

(via MetaFilter)

So what do you do if you’re trying to put together campaign commercials for a President who can’t seem to string together more two multi-syllabic words without stumbling? Simple! With just a little “digital cut and paste”, even Dubya can sound coherent!

When President Bush laid out the potential threat that unconventional weapons posed in Saddam Hussein’s hands last year in his State of the Union address last year, he became tongue-tied at an inopportune moment.

[…]

Yet in a new Republican commercial that borrows excerpts from that speech, Mr. Bush delivers that line as smoothly as any other in the address, without a pause between “one” and “vial,” and the v in “vial” sounds strong and sure.

Republican officials acknowledged yesterday that the change was a product of technology. The line, they said, was digitally enhanced in editing “to ensure the best clarity.”

(via Dori)

Back at the beginning of September, there was a bit of a fuss when Army Captain James Yee, who had been working with (ahem) “detainees” at Guantanamo Bay was suddenly held on suspicion of treason, espionage, and “aiding the enemy”. Well, charges against him have finally been filed. What has the military charged him with that caused all the ruckus?

Two counts of failing to obey a lawful general order, adultery, conduct unbecoming an officer, making a false official statement and failure to obey an order or regulation (the latter two charges stem from allegations that Yee viewed and stored pornography on a government computer).

Okay, so apparently the guy was a bit of a shmuck, not to mention a bit of an idiot if he was using government hardware for pornography, and was definitely breaking regulations (if all the allegations are true). But come on — treason and espionage are serious charges, and I would expect that the government wouldn’t be bandying them about unless they had some definite hard evidence of such behavior. Now, two and a half months later, these are the only official charges that they’ve been able to produce?

Chances are, the stories about Yee’s official charges won’t get nearly as much press, though. They’ll be buried four or five pages back in the newspapers, all most people will remember is how some Filthy Traitor was caught by Our Government, and they’ll never hear how inconsequential (at least in comparison to treason and espionage) the actual charges are. It’s a sadly typical situation these days, really.

Apparently Yee has been released pending trial, but some are wondering about the motives of the new charges:

Huda Sobuh, Captain Yee’s wife, told CAIR-Seattle: “I believe emphatically that my husband is innocent of all these charges. I stand by him. It is clear to me the U.S. government only wants to destroy his reputation and his family. They will not succeed.”

“These new allegations, including as they do serious violations of Islamic moral principles, have the odor of a smear campaign about them,” said Ibrahim Mohamed, CAIR-Seattle chairman. “A cynical person might question the government’s motivation for bringing these charges after having failed to back up earlier leaks pointing to espionage and support for terrorism.”

“To bring adultery into a case that began with public allegations of aiding the enemy is really outrageous, and the type of thing that can give military justice a bad name,” said Eugene Fidell, Yee’s civilian attorney.

Al-Muhajabah’s Islamic Blog provides some advice from the Quran, advice which I find to be applicable in many situations these days.

First, as a general rule, one should never blindly accept accusations from a source with questionable motives: O you, those who have faith! If a corrupt person brings you tidings, verify it, lest you attack some folk in ignorance and afterward repent of what you did. (Quran 49:6). Second, and specifically dealing with accusations of adultery, proper proof is required…: Why, when they heard this, did the faithful men and the faithful women not think better among themselves and say: This is a clear lie? Why do they not bring four witnesses? Whoever does not bring witnesses, such people are liars in Allah’s sight. (Quran 24:12-13)

This is so, so, so, so not on my Christmas Wish List:

Amuse your conservative friends and annoy your liberal neighbors with the brand new Ann Coulter Talking Action Figure. This incredibly lifelike action figure looks just like the beautiful Ann Coulter, and best of all . . . it sounds like Ann, too!

[…]

This highly collectible doll comes in a display box with information highlighting Ann’s unique contributions to America’s political discourse. If you can’t get enough Ann Coulter, you’ll want to order the Ann Coulter Talking Action Figure today!

At first I thought this was a joke or a prank or something, especially given the quotes that are apparently programmed into the doll (“Liberals hate America, they hate flag-wavers, they hate abortion opponents, they hate all religions except Islam, post 9/11. Even Islamic terrorists don’t hate America like Liberals do. They don’t have the energy. If they had that much energy, they’d have indoor plumbing by now.”), but as far as I can tell, this is completely serious.

There is an entire series of “Talking Presidents” action figures available on this website that all have included quotes that seem to be meant to honor the person in question, including George W. Bush (“Freedom itself was attacked by faceless cowards, and freedom will be defended.”), George H. W. Bush (“I don’t see how you can be President if you didn’t believe in a being greater than yourself. I don’t see how you get the strength that you need at quiet moments, the tough moments.”), and Dennis Miller (“The only way we were going to get the French to go into Iraq was to tell them we thought there were truffles in there.”). There’s even one for Donald Rumsfeld (“The only choice one has is to proceed and use coercion.”), which I find at least as disturbing as the Ann Coulter action figure. The most obvious exception is the action figure for Bill Clinton (“I experimented with marijuana a time or two and didn’t like it, and didn’t inhale and never tried it again.”).

Truly bizarre. I guess you want to keep everyone happy over the Christmas season, right?

(via the usual suspects)

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has collected extensive information on the tactics, training and organization of antiwar demonstrators and has advised local law enforcement officials to report any suspicious activity at protests to its counterterrorism squads, according to interviews and a confidential bureau memorandum.

[…]

Herman Schwartz, a constitutional law professor at American University who has written about F.B.I. history, said collecting intelligence at demonstrations is probably legal.

But he added: “As a matter of principle, it has a very serious chilling effect on peaceful demonstration. If you go around telling people, `We’re going to ferret out information on demonstrations,’ that deters people. People don’t want their names and pictures in F.B.I. files.”

The abuses of the Hoover era, which included efforts by the F.B.I. to harass and discredit Hoover’s political enemies under a program known as Cointelpro, led to tight restrictions on F.B.I. investigations of political activities.

Those restrictions were relaxed significantly last year, when Attorney General John Ashcroft issued guidelines giving agents authority to attend political rallies, mosques and any event “open to the public.”

Kind of makes me wonder what might be in my file….

(via Jon)

Remember the Policy Awareness Market? It was a DARPA-backed plan to establish a “futures” market wagering on the likelihood of terrorist attacks, assassinations, and the like that almost slipped under the radar until being outed and subsequently shut down last July.

The Pentagon will abandon a plan to establish a futures market to help predict terrorist strikes, the chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee said Tuesday.

[…]

The little-publicized Pentagon plan envisioned a potential futures trading market in which speculators would wager on the Internet on the likelihood of a future terrorist attack or assassination attempt on a particular leader. A website promoting the plan already is available.

When the plan was disclosed by two Democratic senators Monday, the Pentagon defended it as a way to gain intelligence about potential terrorists’ plans.

Earlier, Warner had said that his staff was looking into the program and would report on it later Tuesday. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-New York), said she was appalled to hear of plans to set up “a futures market in death.”

Other Democrats expressed similar alarm.

“The idea of a federal betting parlor on atrocities and terrorism is ridiculous and it’s grotesque,” said Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Oregon), one of two lawmakers who disclosed the plan Monday.

Well, guess what? It’s back! Apparently it’s now being run without government involvement, but the idea is still incredibly sick and wrong.

(via Daily Kos)

Incredible. Among the list of concessions that the US wanted from Britain in preparation for Bush’s upcoming visit were Tube closures, minigun battlefield weaponry to use against rioters, and diplomatic immunity for American agents in case protesters are shot.

Home Secretary David Blunkett has refused to grant diplomatic immunity to armed American special agents and snipers travelling to Britain as part of President Bush’s entourage this week.

In the case of the accidental shooting of a protester, the Americans in Bush’s protection squad will face justice in a British court as would any other visitor, the Home Office has confirmed.

The issue of immunity is one of a series of extraordinary US demands turned down by Ministers and Downing Street during preparations for the Bush visit.

These included the closure of the Tube network, the use of US air force planes and helicopters and the shipping in of battlefield weaponry to use against rioters.

While these outrageous requests were turned down, the UK has agreed to create a ‘sterile zone’ extending for blocks around the President’s travel plan to keep people away.

What’s more disturbing? The fact that we have an administration with the unmitigated gall to make such requests in the first place? Or the fact that we have a President who is so mistrusted, disliked, and outright hated by so many people that they feel the need for that level of security?

(via Atrios)