I’m a furry dildo?

Okay…this is hilarious. I went to SparkMatch and took their test, and — well, after all’s said and done, I’m a Furry Dildo, also known as a Dependent Evil Sex Provider. Hmm. Here’s what they say about me:

The ultimate sexual contradiction. You’re quite dirty, and very into carnal excavation, but you also have a soft romantic side. And, honestly, THAT side is itself conflicted — you’re needy and giving at the same time. It’s like you need to need to give to need. What’s that all about?

I admire the unscalable heights of your lust; I myself wish I had a height that size, but all the same, you don’t seem to be using that lust wisely. A more moral and independent person would be having mind-blowing sex with the woman I love right now. Instead, your physical potential is hindered by two things: an innate desire to do what you’re not supposed to, and this strange clinginess that you seem to mistake as heartfelt romance. Come off it.

I like that you seem to have a sensitive side, but be sincere about it. For instance, don’t tell some girl you like ponies, if really you don’t like ponies. Admit who you are, a horny guy, and the good qualities you have — devotion, compassion, and nutrition — will have real value.

So, that’s what SparkMatch has to say about my romantic tendencies. Interesting — very interesting….