This entry was published at least two years ago (originally posted on August 22, 2001). Since that time the information may have become outdated or my beliefs may have changed (in general, assume a more open and liberal current viewpoint). A fuller disclaimer is available.
I know these things bounce around the ‘net from time to time, but I hadn’t seen this particular set before it made the rounds at work (I’m posting this from work on a quick break).
In any school district, one must give credit to the creative minds among us. These are actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, Alabama metropolitan area.
- Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.- Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.- Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.- Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.- Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.- Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.- Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.- Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.- Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.- Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.- Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.- Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.- Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.- Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarian Section.”
A: The Caesarian section is a district in Rome.- Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.- Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.- Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.- Q: Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.- Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.- Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.- Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.