3:45 am:



“I just saw Gurbymurble!”

“You saw who? Who the hell is this?”

“James! I saw Gurbymurble!”

“Who the hell is Gurbymurble?”

“That Russian dude!”

“You mean Gorbachov?”

“Yeah, that dude!”

“You’re calling me at 3:45 in the morning to say you saw Gorbachov on TV?!”

“No man, not on TV! I saw the dude at the 7-11!”

“What the hell would Gorbachov be doin’ at the Darkville 7-11?”

“He was buyin’ a pack of smokes!”

“The only reason Mikhail Gorbachov would be the 7-11 buying a pack of smokes at 3:45 in the morning is beause you dropped five hits of acid at midnight and have in fact seen Willy tryin’ to hold up the store again. What, praytell, did this Mr. Gorbachov look like?”

“Uh, he was a tall black dude holding a .45.”

“And when was the last time you saw Gorbachov holding a .45?”

“Tonight at the 7-11!”


“Hey dude! It’s almost 4! What are you doin’ up?”

“I’m talking to a moron.”

“Aw fuck him! Listen, you won’t believe what I saw!”

“You saw a black Mikhail Gorbachov holding up the 7-11….”

“DUDE! Did I tell you about that?”

“Yes. Yes you did, thank you.”

“I saw a 400 pound spider eat a cop!”

“Oh? And where did this little atrocity happen? Not at the 7-11 by any chance?”

“No, man, on channel 31! It’s a movie called ‘A Big Ol’ Fuckin’ Spider Eats a Cop.'”

“More like ‘5 Hits of Acid Eats a Loadie’s Brain.'”

“I haven’t had 5 hits of acid!”

“My sincerest apologies….”

“I’ve had 6!”

“Hang up the phone or I’m giving the Jehovah’s Witnesses your address.”

“Who do you think I got the 6 hits from?!”