Rick sent me this a long time ago, and having job stuff on my brain, I remembered it and dug it out to post here. What follows is (at least in theory) an actual job application submitted to McDonald’s by a 17 year old applicant a humor piece by Greg Bulmash.
He got the job.
Name: – – – – –
Sex: Not yet I’m saving myself for the right person.
Desired position: Company’s President/Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
Desired Salary: $185,000 a year plus stock option and should it not work out — a Michael Ovitz style severance package. Seriously, make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: Yes
Last position held: Target for middle management hostility.
Salary: Less than I am worth.
Most notable achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it pads.
Reason for leaving: It sucked.
Hours available to work: Any.
Preferred hours: 1:30-3:30pm (with 1/2 hour lunch break). Monday, Tuesday & Thursday only.
Do you have any special skills? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
May we contact your current employer: If I had one, would I be here?
Do you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to 50 lbs? Of what?
Do you have a car: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
Have you received any special awards or recognition? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstake.
Do you smoke? On the job — no, during breaks yes.
What would you like to be doing in five years? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy sexy super model blonde, who thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread. There again I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes, Absolutely.
Sign Here: Aries.
The job application joke above is ©1997 by Greg Bulmash. Visit his sick humor site, his insult site, or his hamburger site.