Free association

I hopped onto iChat tonight, and found a message from Phil waiting for me that he’d sent while I was off at work. I responded, and then we stumbled into a couple hours of free association. What follows has only been edited to reorder one or two lines to preserve clarity, and one or two tangents have been excised. I thought it was pretty entertaining.

Phil: wow. way to answer 8 hours later.

Me: lol yeah, well, I was at work

Phil: How about an away message?

Me: forgot to set it when I left…and for some reason, the ‘puter never went to sleep
Me: :shrugs

Phil: Heh. Alright. Phil: you’re forgiven, just this once

Me: hrm…i better be careful about that then

Phil: But don’t let it happen again, ol….young man!

Me: :laughs nice

Phil: Actually, it’s done it for like the last 3 days… but, whatever.

Me: really? bizzrre

Phil: I think your G5 just does not go to sleep.

Me: or even bizArre

Phil: bazaar?

Me: brasierre

Phil: brazier.

Me: glazier

Phil: glandular

Me: globular

Phil: gangster

Me: gangsta

Phil: Gang Starr

Me: Home Star

Phil: homerun

Me: hummer

Phil: That’d be nice. I mean, um, uh, er, um, uh, humvee.

Me: lol Me: (’twasn’t an offer)

Phil: Not from you, ol’ man

Me: hey, now…there are benefits
Me: just lose the dentures
Me: no worries about inadvertent scrapes

Phil: ROFL Phil: You’ve put WAY too much thought into that right there.
Phil: Now associate ‘humvee’!

Me: LOL Me: ah, right…(ahem) Me: Harvey

Phil: Harley

Me: hog

Phil: heifer

Me: girlfriend (ouch…)

Okay — a quick aside in my own defense here (free association can be dangerous sometimes…). I actually had to sit and think about this for a moment after I tossed it out, and as far as I can remember, the only time I’ve ever heard the term ‘heifer’ used was to describe an unappreciated girlfriend. A little sad, I suppose, but seeing as how I don’t tend to run around in farming circles, that just happens to be the case. In no way should this be construed as being aimed at anyone I have been involved with, past, present, or future. Anyway, continuing on…

Phil: platonic friend

Me: frustration

Phil: rage.

Me: prozac

Phil: claritin

Me: clarity

Phil: charity

Me: alms

Phil: arms

Me: bear

Phil: Arctic Circle

Me: perfect circle

Phil: maynard james keenan

Me: hillbilly

Phil: my dad

Me: stranger

Phil: balki!

Me: (wow…that’s a show I haven’t thought about in years…kudos!)
Me: Balkans

Phil: Urals

Me: urine

Phil: urinals

Me: fly

Phil: hornet

Me: run

Phil: Lola

Me: yum

Phil: Jessica Alba

Me: Alan Alda

Phil: Tony Danza

Me: Chachi

Phil: Joanie

Me: Cusack

Phil: Kojak

Me: bald

Phil: Jesse Ventura

Me: acting

Phil: Al Pacino

Me: taxi driver

Phil: underage prostitution

Me: pedophile

Phil: Cattholicism
Phil: er, Catholocism
Phil: er – ah, fuck it, you know what i mean.

Me: lol gotcha
Me: candy bar and a coke
Me: (do you know that joke?)

Phil: no, I really don’t.

Me: ah, damn
Me: okay…slight detour
Me: guy goes to confession
Me: starts to run down his list o’ sins
Me: mid way through (apparently he had a good list), the priest interrupts him
Me: “Hey – I hate to do this, but I’ve been in here all day, and I really need to take a piss. Could you come over here and cover for me for a few minutes?”
Me: “What? But I don’t know anything about giving absolution!”
Me: “Don’t worry about it – c’mere”
Me: So the guy goes over, and the priest points out a list tacked to the wall
Me: “See? It’s all here. Unclean thoughts, three hail marys…masturbation, seven…just follow the chart, and you’ll be fine.”
Me: “Um…okay…”
Me: So the priest takes off, and the guy starts filling in.
Me: The first two people go okay.
Me: Then a woman comes in, and starts going through her list of sins.
Me: He’s doing fine, until she says “…and I gave my boyfriend a blowjob.”
Me: The guy scans up and down the list, “blowjob…blowjob…” but he can’t find it.
Me: Frantic, he opens the curtain and pops his head out to see an altar boy walking by.
Me: “Hey! Kid! What does the priest give for a blowjob?”
Me: “Candy bar and a coke, usually.”

Phil: ROFL
Phil: Awesome. That’s awesome.

Me: lol Me: and now my response actually makes some amount of sense

Phil: so, responding to candy bar and a coke?
Phil: broke!

Me: credit

Phil: check

Me: Czech

Phil: Slovakia

Me: europe

Phil: france

Me: freedom fries

Phil: berets

Me: bad poetry

Phil: bohemians

Me: Moulin Rouge

Phil: Nicole Kidman

Me: (I’d go with “yum” again, but I did that earlier…)

Phil: (exactly. )

Me: Marilyn Monroe

Phil: (again with the “yum”)
Phil: JFK

Me: (and that ends the “yum”…)
Me: brains

Phil: zombies

Me: black and white

Phil: Gaussian blur

Me: photoshop

Phil: MS Paint!

Me: crap

Phil: donkeys

Me: shrek

Phil: my door
Phil: (There’s a connection there, honest)

Me: (allrighty then…)
Me: knock

Phil: D&D

Me: bag of holding

Phil: dime sack

Me: 420

Phil: 187

Me: π

Phil: The cube

Me: hypercube (which I need to see at some point…)

Phil: no, no, DO NOT
Phil: my word is now HORRIBLE

Me: really? bummer…the first one wasn’t bad

Phil: second = bad

Me: ah, well…thanks for the warning! Me: okay…off of horrible?
Me: adam sandler

Phil: rob schneider

Me: rob reiner

Phil: pauly shore

Me: biodome

Phil: biocomputing

Me: nanotechnology

Phil: self-replicators

Me: Kiln People (good David Brin sci-fi novel)

Phil: art majors

Me: museums

Phil: history majors

Me: term papers

Phil: midterms

Me: student loans

Phil: MBNA

Me: (MBNA?)

Phil: (loan company, #1 or #2 backer of the Republican party; Apple’s loan company)

Me: aaah, okies Me: bills

Phil: pelicans

Me: albatross

Phil: mariner

Me: baseball

Phil: hot dogs

Me: mysterious ingredients

Phil: cigarettes

Me: cloves

Phil: pipe tobacco

Me: sherlock holmes

Phil: the Dock

Me: otis redding

Phil: whistle

Me: sound of music

Phil: gag

Me: ball

Phil: arab strap

Me: porn
Me: (damn you…I had to look up an “arab strap”, and it’s just a strap on)

Phil: rofl
Phil: camera

Me: iSight

Phil: earshot

Me: wet willie

Phil: Bill Clinton

Me: stain

Phil: clorox

Me: fumes

Phil: ammonia

Me: oops

Phil: Britney Spears

Me: twit

Phil: Steve Urkel

Me: nerd

Phil: me!

Me: (you and me both, actually)
Me: pride

Phil: fall

Me: leaves

Phil: trees

Me: druid

Phil: Red Hat

Me: penguin

Phil: emperor

Me: norton

Phil: ghost

Me: casper

Phil: caper

Me: cape

Phil: cap

Me: skull

Phil: pope

Me: polish

Phil: sausage

Me: hungry

Phil: me, again.

Me: broke (again)
Me: (not to rub it in or anything)

Phil: (rofl, I didn’t even notice that)
Phil: windows

Me: annoying

Phil: Office XP

Me: suddenly everything sucks

Phil: New Orleans whorehouse on a Friday night

Me: (eclecticism > XP sucks!)
Me: fun

Phil: programming

Me: brainwashing

Phil: Nazis

Me: Schwarzenegger

Phil: Herr Gropenfuhrer

Me: Das Blinken Lights

Phil: BASIC Stamp

Me: food stamp

Phil: WIC

Me: candle

Phil: wax

Me: ear

Phil: earwig

Me: hedwig

Phil: inch

Me: nine

Phil: nails

Me: fingers

Phil: claws

Me: santa

Phil: snowballs

Me: blue balls

Phil: typical.

Me: (Y’know how to get rid of blue balls? Slap ’em and slap ’em until they’re red.)

Phil: (OW)

Me: (anyway…lol…off of ‘typical’)
Me: boring

Phil: Windows
Phil: (98)

Me: crash

Phil: airplanes

Me: Fight Club

Phil: Red Dragon

Me: (book was better)
Me: tattoo

Phil: (agreed)
hil: (oh sweet jesus, the first reaction I had to tattoo was another D&D reference)
Phil: wings

Me: Crow II (horrid, horrid, horrid…but she was yummy)

Phil: Underworld
Phil: (also horrid, but hey, I’d hit it)

Me: (oh, damn skippy)
Me: leather

Phil: BDSM

Me: kinky

Phil: my ex’s roommate

Me: my ex (one of ’em, at least)

Phil: Wow. it’s 2:30 am and my brain is numb.
Phil: That has nothing to do with my ex.
Phil: At least, not on the surface.

Me: :laughs I guessed
Me: you out?
Me: this is going on my blog, by the way

Phil: yeah, I’m out. I have to get up for classes tomorrow.
Phil: Oh, wow, that’s one hella long blog entry.

Me: about an hour and a half of free association…not bad!

Phil: not at all.

And that’s that.