The allegations are untrue

This entry was published at least two years ago (originally posted on November 7, 2003). Since that time the information may have become outdated or my beliefs may have changed (in general, assume a more open and liberal current viewpoint). A fuller disclaimer is available.

According to CNN, Prince Charles has come out to publicly announce that the allegations are “totally untrue and without a shred of substance.”

Just to further clear up the matter a bit:

  1. I haven’t been to England since I was around twelve, at which point I most certainly did not have a custom-fitted vinyl body stocking.
  2. That amount of marshmallow creme would be extremely difficult to acquire unnoticed.
  3. Platypi just aren’t that flexible.
  4. Neither is Prince Charles.
  5. I’ve never even heard of that brand of lubricant, let alone tried to smuggle two cases of it into Buckingham Palace.
  6. Getting a llama to stand still long enough to shave it is difficult enough without the gratuitous application of day-glo body paint afterwards.
  7. Once peeled, bananas are too soft to be inserted anywhere.

I certainly hope that this clears up some of the misinformation, and that the rumors surrounding this incident cease forthwith.

Thank you for your time.

(via Neil Gaiman)

2 thoughts on “The allegations are untrue”

  1. You didn’t have a full body stocking, byt you and Kev looked GOOD in the tights for your Renaissance costumes!!!

    LOve

    Dad

  2. Gaiman also says, “b) The Tango is a dance made famous in Argentina. “Erotic licking” plays no part in the Tango. Neither, of course, do balloons.”

    Trust me on this one – balloon animals are allowed. But plain balloons – no.

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