About airplanes

After his many years of flying with the USAF and AANG, I’d bet that Dad has heard many of these before, or can at least vouch for their truism…

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death…I Shall Fear No Evil…For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.

— sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena, Japan

You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.

— Paul F. Crickmore, test pilot

There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.

— Blue Water Navy truism

When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

— Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.

— Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot

A pilot who doesn’t have any fear probably isn’t flying his plane to its maximum.

— Jon McBride, astronaut

If you’re faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.

— Bob Hoover, renowned aerobatic and test pilot

If an airplane is still in one piece, don’t cheat on it; ride the bastard down.

— Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.

— Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV.

— A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the ‘glass cockpit’ of an A-320

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh SHIT!”

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude, brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time.

If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.

(via the usual suspects)