This entry was published at least two years ago (originally posted on January 30, 2004). Since that time the information may have become outdated or my beliefs may have changed (in general, assume a more open and liberal current viewpoint). A fuller disclaimer is available.
Epic fantasy as a dating manual?
- When you’re trying to catch the cute guy’s eye is the exact moment the dwarf will pick to approach you;
- Eating raw fish is no longer a sign of a sophisticated date. (That said, you have to admit the Atkins plan is working for Gollum.)
- If you’re the only girl among 100 guys you’ll still fall for the only one who has a girlfriend;
- When overused, terms of endearment such as “precious” lose their meaning;
- All couples fight, but battles shouldn’t last so long that one of you has to get up and stretch your legs or use the bathroom;
- It doesn’t matter if you look like Liv Tyler; your pining and whining will still get on people’s nerves;
- Don’t blame your friends just because they can see right through your creepy little partner;
- If you can get along on a road trip, the relationship will probably last;
- There will come a point when it seems like the relationship should be over. Don’t drag it out. Just end it there.
And finally, the mother of all dating wisdom:
- Some people will go to any lengths to get a ring; others, having had one for awhile, will go to any lengths to chuck it into a volcano.
(via Rachel)
iTunes: “Moron” by K.M.F.D.M. from the album WWIII (2003, 5:05).