Get your priorities straight, folks. That gossip mill is so yesterday.
I’m talking a breakup of real importance here — one that will be inspiring headlines in all the rags, sending the talk-show hosts into a flurry, and prompting a whole slew of rabid fan sites lamenting the passing of such a long-adored perfect couple.
I’m talking Ken and Barbie.
After 43 years as one of the world’s prettiest pairs, the perfect plastic couple is breaking up. The couple’s “business manager,” Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, said that Barbie and Ken “feel it’s time to spend some quality time — apart.”
“Like other celebrity couples, their Hollywood romance has come to an end,” said Arons, who quickly added that the duo “will remain friends.”
Arons hinted Wednesday that the separation may be partially due to Ken’s reluctance to getting married. All those bridal Barbie dolls in toy chests around the globe are really just examples of Barbie’s wishful thinking, she explained.
The single most mindblowing piece of information in that article, though…
…CNN revealed Barbie’s full maiden name. I guess they figured that since she’s still without a ring, there’s not much point in hiding it anymore: Barbie Millicent Roberts (and incidentally, take a look at the cover photo for that book — why, I do think that Barbie has had a facelift at some point! What is this world coming to, that even Barbie is getting plastic surgery…um…wait…).
Personally, though, I’ve got to give full props to Ken.
Not many guys could duck the altar and still keep their girlfriend for a full forty-plus years.
iTunes: “Resurrection Hex (Giganto)” by Love and Rockets from the album Resurrection Hex (1998, 5:53).