This one may seem a little odd (at least, that is, if you haven’t seen it linked on every other site on the ‘net yet), but it’s worth it: one man’s experience dealing with one of the ickiest digestive problems possible — a tapeworm.
Yes, the subject matter is likely to make you cringe. But it’s also incredibly well written, and if you’re not too squeamish, well worth reading.
I was leaning forward, my nails scrabbling on his desk. Some sort of living thing was eating with me, sleeping with me, sharing my childhood traumas without my permission, and was with me during those intimate moments when I achieved orgasms, with or without a consenting partner. How embarrassing.
[…]
I was already entertaining dramatic fantasies. I visualized the tapeworm securely hooked at the bottom of my throat using the spiny little stabbing things they had, its mouth ajar, and every time I ate, it ate; I drank, it swallowed; when I got caught in the rain, it stayed dry.
Of course, this reminds me of a question that Royce used to toss out every so often, just to see what sort of interesting answers he might get. The more creative the answer, the better. The question was (probably slightly paraphrased, as I’m doing this from memory)…
You discover that you’re the host of a sixteen foot tapeworm one day when half of it comes out. What do you do?
There were many good (as in hilarious, and frequently very wrong) answers given at the time, two of which have stuck with me, though I can’t remember if either of them was my answer or not.
- Hang it out of my fly and scare small children.
- Well, if of the eight feet that came out, half came out one end and half came out the other, I could string myself up between two trees like a hammock.
I’m sure there were more answers worth preserving for posterity. If they’re still around anywhere, Royce would have to be the one to fess up to their existence. ;)
(via MeFi)