Toilets of Doom

This entry was published at least two years ago (originally posted on July 10, 2004). Since that time the information may have become outdated or my beliefs may have changed (in general, assume a more open and liberal current viewpoint). A fuller disclaimer is available.

While much was made about the fancy-shmancy automated self-cleaning public toilets that popped up here in Seattle a few months ago, I’ve yet to actually give one of them a shot myself.

This is primarily because while I’ve seen more than a few people go into them…

…I’ve yet to see someone come out.

I’m convinced that they’re not really toilets at all. They’re population control. Self-contained extermination booths. The fifteen minutes that are allowed? That’s actually how long it takes for the acid showers to dissolve everything down to the bones, after which the floor opens and drops any bits that couldn’t be eaten away (watches, fillings, jewelry, etc.) down to a collection bin to be distributed to pawn shops throughout the city.

Or then again, maybe I’m just paranoid.

iTunes: “A Deeper Love (Underground Club)” by Clivillés and Cole from the album Pride (In the Name of Love) (1991, 6:00).