An e-mail from Mom. Normally I don’t pass these kinds of things on (via e-mail or the web), especially when they’re already posted on Snopes (this one is listed as ‘Undetermined’), but this one had both Prairie and I in stitches (no pun intended) as we read through it. Lots of good arguments for the importance of clarity in writing in here!

A selection of choice writings taken from medical (and nursing!) notes!

  • By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.
  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  • On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
  • She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  • The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
  • I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
  • Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
  • I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
  • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  • Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
  • The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Ward to dispose of him.
  • Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  • The patient refused an autopsy.
  • The patient has no past history of suicides.
  • The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
  • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
  • Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
  • The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
  • She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
  • The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
  • The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
  • The patient is disabled with a wife from Portsmouth
  • Uterus remains in place resting comfortably (after prolapse repair)
  • Diagnosis: Claus-trophobia
  • Comes to ED complaining of vaginal breathing.
  • Patient arrived by avalanche
  • Odor of alcohol on breast
  • Patient stable all morning, in asystole
  • Road Traffic Accident, back seat driver
  • The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
  • The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
  • Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
  • The skin was moist and dry.
  • Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
  • The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  • She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
  • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
  • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
  • I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
  • The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.
  • Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.
  • Patient was alert and unresponsive.
  • When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
  • The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
  • Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
  • Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
  • She is numb from her toes down.
  • Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
  • While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
  • The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
  • The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
  • Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.