This entry was published at least two years ago (originally posted on December 18, 2008). Since that time the information may have become outdated or my beliefs may have changed (in general, assume a more open and liberal current viewpoint). A fuller disclaimer is available.
It’s a bit late for SNOWPOCALYPSE 2008, but for future reference, a handy guide of what to do…
…in the case of Snow:
- Obtain De-icer and chains for your car.
- Know your tire size, in case you need to replace a broken chain.
- Make sure your tires are at recommended air capacity.
- Urge the administration to close your schools, even if it only might snow.
- Carry a small amount of sand in your car so you can get traction if you get stuck.
- Remember: Snow kills people on contact, so avoid it at all cost.
…in the case of Rain:
- Make sure to pack up your umbrella!
- Wear rubber boots, or “Slicker Kicks” as I like to call them.
- Don’t listen to depressing music while it’s raining.
- Increase your following distance to at least 3 seconds.
- Call your mother. It’s been a while.
- Thank god it’s not snowing too.
…in the case of Snow/Rain:
- Scream at God, asking: “Why? Why, God, why?”
- Rain water is still made of water, which is able to freeze.
- Light your car on fire to thaw any ice on the road below your car.
- Before driving somewhere, call ahead and let them know you will be 27 to 50 hours late.
…in the case of nuclear war:
- Evacuate the area directly beneath atomic bomb impact.
- Remember the triangle! Time, Distance and Shielding.
- Ventilate and cool any lead shelters you habitate with ice and machine guns.
- Food is important. If you run out of food, eat the weak.
- Wear Fire Protection.
- Charge the batteries on your VATS.
…in the case of ice weasel attack:
- Do not make sudden moves around or near ice weasels.
- Try to lift the snowmobile off of your broken carcass.
…in the case a monkey flies out of my ass and claws for your eyes:
- Shield your eyes with metal objects, such as a frying pan, or bent forks.
- Should you trap the monkey in the closet, do not open your closet door.
…in the case of the dead rising from their graves:
- Do not shine your light on the Witch. She is tougher than she looks.
- Shove a boomer before you shoot him, so he does not splash on you.
- If you are on point, crouch so your teammate can shoot over your head.
- Avoid shooting a car with an alarm. The alarm will attract the horde.
(found here)