Michael Hanscom

Enthusiastic ambivert. Geeky, liberal, friendly, curious, hopepunk; trying to be a good person. (he/him)

Dress Code

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On bright, warm, sunny days such as we’re having here at the moment, I’ll usually start the day off wearing my kilt. Work clothes go in my bag, and I make the walk from home to bus stop, the bus ride, and the walk from the bus stop to work as comfortable as possible. Once at work, I duck into the restroom and change.

Yesterday I needed to grab something to drink about an hour after I started my shift, so I ducked over to the Starbucks Coffee next door. The barrista gave me a quick look up and down, then asked, “Hey! Where’s the Utilikilt?”

I laughed. “Not appropriate for work, unfortunately.”

“What? Why not?”

While our company dress code does specify that either slacks or skirts can be worn — and I’m of the opinion that a kilt should be acceptable — regional and district heads can specify their own rules for their area, and our area apparently specified slacks only. Not only does this keep me from wearing the kilt, but one of the ladies I work with is a little miffed that she can’t wear a skirt. I’m not sure why this is the case, but so it is.

Still — it’s rather nice to know that the entire female staff of the Starbucks next door to my job (since the rest of them soon chimed in on this discussion) are of the opinion that I should be allowed to wear my kilt at work.

Now we just need to convince the Powers That Be.

iTunes: “Killing Moon, The” by Echo and the Bunnymen from the album Rock and Wave Vol. 1 (1983, 5:44).

Almost famous

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A couple of months ago, I was interviewed by a prominent news/entertainment magazine for an article they were preparing on webloggers who had lost their jobs or faced some other form of catastrophe due to their weblogging. The interview took place over the phone over a period of about two days, and once it was concluded, I was told to expect a call from photographers for the magazine, so that they could get a picture of me at my computer here at home to run alongside my section of the article.

Unfortunately, I didn’t hear anything back in the next few days…which eventually stretched on to weeks. Eventually, I assumed that for one reason or another, the story had been scrapped. I recently got this e-mail confirming my suspicion:

Sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you. The blogging story has been put on ice, unfortunately, mainly because we couldn’t find enough people who got in trouble with their blogs. Sorry, will let you know if anything changes.

A pity, really. I was looking forward to seeing my face in a national newsmagazine, even if it was more press centered around my making something of a stupid mistake.

I’ve sent the interviewer a link to the list of dangerous bloggers in the hope that there might be one or two names on it that didn’t get tapped in the first round, but at this point, I’m not holding my breath. Looks like I’ll just continue my slide back into obscurity. :)

One down…

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Wow — effective July 11th, George Tenet has resigned as head of the CIA.

After being dogged by heavy criticism over questionable intelligence on Iraq and terrorism since the September 11, 2001 attacks, George Tenet resigned Thursday as the director of the CIA.

“I tell you about my plans to depart with sadness, but with head held very, very high,” Tenet told CIA employees at the agency’s Langley, Virginia, headquarters.

“And while Washington and the media will put many different faces on the decision, it was a personal decision, and had only one basis — in fact, the well-being of my wonderful family — nothing more and nothing less.”

One down, many to go.

On a not entirely unrelated note, though, I had one thought when I saw Tenet’s picture in this Time article: George Tenet and Bill Murray…

![George Tenet / Bill Murray]

[George Tenet / Bill Murray]: https://michaelhans.com/eclecticism/2004/06/graphics/tenet_murray.jpg {width=”286″ height=”200″}

…separated at birth?

iTunes: “How Beautiful You Are” by Cure, The from the album Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me (1987, 5:14).

Folklife reports

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I only made it out to one day of this year’s Folklife festival, but Chas (who just stopped by work to say hello earlier this week, so I’ve now added another local writer to my list of people I’ve met) made it through all four days. He’s got a good writeup of his time there, contrasting it to a similar event in DC and pointing out quite a few links to local bands worth investigating.

Maybe next year I’ll be able to hit more of it. In the meantime, I’m really looking forward to this year’s Bumbershoot (using the almighty power of Google, here’s a few links to my ramblings of past Bumbershoots, to give you an idea).

I can’t really think of something similar in Anchorage. Maybe the Talkeetna Bluegrass Festival? Hmmm…now there’s something worth babbling about at some point. File that away in my “writing subjects” list…

iTunes: “Push th’ Little Daisies” by Ween from the album Pure Guava (1992, 2:49).

Withdrawal symptoms

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Here’s what I think the truth is: We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial, about to face cold turkey.

And like so many addicts about to face cold turkey, our leaders are now committing violent crimes to get what little is left of what we’re hooked on.

— Kurt Vonnegut

(via Kottke)

iTunes: “Blue” by LaTour from the album Big Hard Disk Vol. 1 (1992, 7:33).

On the ‘net, everyone knows you’re a liar

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Take, for instance, oh — purely at random, really — George Bush.

George W. Bush last Feburary, on Meet The Press (emphasis added):

Russert: If the Iraqis choose, however, an Islamic extremist regime, would you accept that, and would that be better for the United States than Saddam Hussein?

President Bush: They’re not going to develop that. And the reason I can say that is because I’m very aware of this basic law they’re writing. They’re not going to develop that because right here in the Oval Office I sat down with Mr. Pachachi and Chalabi and al-Hakim, people from different parts of the country that have made the firm commitment, that they want a constitution eventually written that recognizes minority rights and freedom of religion.

George W. Bush yesterday , Rose Garden press conference:

Q Thank you, Mr. President. Mr. Chalabi is an Iraqi leader that’s fallen out of favor within your administration. I’m wondering if you feel that he provided any false information, or are you particularly —

THE PRESIDENT: Chalabi?

Q Yes, with Chalabi.

THE PRESIDENT: My meetings with him were very brief. I mean, I think I met with him at the State of the Union and just kind of working through the rope line, and he might have come with a group of leaders. But I haven’t had any extensive conversations with him.

(via Atrios)

iTunes: “Where Do the Boys Go? (Extended)” by Men Without Hats from the album Collection (1984, 6:20).

2004 Republican Convention Event Schedule

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By Rich Proctor

AUG. 30

OPENING PRAYER read by Mel Gibson, while being flogged with a spiked leather strap wielded by Ann Coulter, who will enjoy it a little too much.

  1. TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to RED.
  2. LEST WE FORGET — HONORARY ROLL CALL of All Members of (and Friends of) Bush Administration Who Might Very Well Have Been Killed In Vietnam If It Hadn’t Been For Nasty Trick Knees, Anal Cysts, Recurrent Headaches, and Highly-Placed, Overly-Protective Parents. (Sponsored by Tyson Chicken)
  3. ANTONIN SCALIA speaks — \”SLAVERY – THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF OUR FOREFATHERS, AND GREAT FOR BUSINESS! (Sponsored by Wal-Mart)
  4. DICK CHENEY hosts AMBASSADORSHIP RAFFLE – Opening Bid 1,000,000 (cash, non-sequential bills 20’s or less)
  5. CLIMAX OF THE EVENING — FILM – “BRING IT ON!” Stirring fictionalized re-creation of Mr. Bush’s actual dental appointment in Alabama in 1972, where he showed the incredible courage to allow “deep cleaning” of gums without anesthetic. (Sponsored by Sinclair Broadcasting)
  6. SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT — “GET BAKED WITH RUSH”Crankster\” LIMBAUGH! (Location TBD) (Sponsored by Pfizer)

AUG 31

OPENING PRAYER read by Our Lord (The Passion Of) Jesus H. Christ, as channeled by Lt. General William G. “Jerry” Boykin, the man who first revealed that Mr. Bush was chosen by God to lead this country into war against the heathens. Mr. Boykin will then give a short, upbeat presentation on Islam called, “My God can Beat Up Your God.”

  1. TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to FLASHING RED.
  2. WAYNE LAPIERRE will pry Davy Crockett’s Kentucky Long Rifle out of Charlton Heston’s cold dead fingers (subject to Heston’s death) (Sponsored by Smith & Wesson)
  3. DESIGNATED BROWN PERSON (Hispanic or Muslim, or possibly an Hispanic Muslim, if we can find one) will speak on how being a brown person doesn’t automatically disqualify you from being a Republican (subject to finding a brown person capable of being bribed to do this — may need professional actor, possibly brought in from third world country)
  4. CLIMAX OF THE EVENING — PAUL WOLFOWITZ announces American plans to invade Iran, strip them of nuclear weapons, and turn over entire country to Bechtel to be run as a subsidiary. (Wolfowitz will tell anxious voters that the operation will involve 200 out-sourced “consultants”, will take one week and will be entirely funded by pocket change found in a White House couch.) (Sponsored by Halliburton)
  5. SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT — “RIDE THE WAVE WITH RUSH”Big Oxy\” LIMBAUGH!\” (Do a couple of ‘ringers’ with Big Pharma — sponsored by ROBITUSSIN)

SEPTEMBER 1

OPENING PRAYER by the REVEREND JERRY FALWELL who will demonstrate the spirit of Compassionate Conservatism™ and the eternal mercy of God by wishing a horrible fiery death and an eternity in the pit of hell for all non-white, non-male, non-Christian non-heterosexual non-Republicans.

  1. TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to PULSATING RED
  2. THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF INSANELY RICH PERSONS (AAIRP) will present LAURA BUSH with A PLATINUM CHAINSAW in thanks for the Bush Administration tax cuts (Sponsored by Gulfstream)
  3. ANN COULTER, BILL O’REILLY and SEAN HANNITY will lead a special TWO-MINUTE HATE aimed at photo of John Kerry.
  4. CLIMAX OF THE EVENING — DIEBOLD CORPORATION WILL ANNOUNCE ELECTION RETURNS – BUSH WINS RE-ELECTION WITH 51% OF VOTE (YET TO BE CAST). (JUSTICE ANTONIN SCALIA will certify vote results) Diebold Board member Wilbur H. Grafton will deny fraud, announce his retirement, and be named the new Ambassador to Jamaica. (Sponsored by Diebold)
  5. SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT — GET WRECKED WITH RUSH “Kicker” LIMBAUGH (sponsored by Eli Lilly)

SEPTEMBER 2 (nomination night)

OPENING PRAYER by ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT, who will then sing “Let the Eagle Soar” and light the ceremonial \”TORCH OF FREEDOM™ with the (actual) Bill of Rights.

  1. TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to FIRE ENGINE RED, and ANNOUNCES CAPTURE OF OSAMA BIN LADEN.
  2. CONVENTION SHIFTS TO “GROUND ZERO” — DICK CHENEY will introduce and personally re-nominate PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, who WILL IMPALE OSAMA BIN LADEN WITH DAVY CROCKETT’S KENTUCKY LONG RIFLE donated by Wayne LaPierre (Sponsored by NRA)
  3. PRESIDENT BUSH WILL GIVE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, standing on Osama’s dead body.

FIRST PEEK – Here is the proposed text for President Bush’s speech:

Hey, Freedom-Lovers! 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay The Course Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Freedom Evil-doers Stay The Course Democracy 9-11 Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay the course Trust my gut Tax cuts Who cares what you think Evil-doers Things are great Jesus speaks to me 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay The Course Evil-doers 9-11 Freedom Evil-doers Stay The Course Democracy 9-11 Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay the course Trust my gut Tax cuts Who cares what you think Evil-doers Things are great Jesus speaks to me. G’night everybody!

POST CEREMONY CLOSING NIGHT PARTY OPPORTUNITIES:

  1. “GET MAXED with RUSH ‘ROCKET CAP’ LIMBAUGH!” (Sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline)
  2. RICK SANTORUM ‘”OG ON DOG'” PETTING ZOO (adults only, please)
  3. BILL O’REILLY SHOWS OFF PULITZER PRIZE, ACADEMY AWARD, AND NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
  4. SPECIAL BUFFET — JOHN ASHCROFT will PERSONALLY EXORCISE A KINDLE OF CALICO KITTENS, BARBECUE THEM, AND SERVE THEM ON CANAPES (sponsored by KRAFT “Thick N’ Spicy” BBQ Sauce)

(via Dad, no source given, many possible original sources)

Bush a secret Iranian agent?

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It’s more than a little bizarre when the most convincing explanation I’ve seen yet of Bush’s actions in office is that he is actually an Iranian agent…

Surveying the vast wasteland that George W. Bush has made of American governance, even the most sophisticated observer is driven to ask, like the simple son at a Passover seder, what is all this?

The most compelling hypothesis so far is that we have not one president but two. Or, rather, two shadow presidents. Domestic policy is the land of Karl Rove — ruthless, cynical, malign yet cunning. As Paul O’Neill has told us, politics trumps principle at every turn, and rather than the agenda of small-government conservatism, liberal ideas and programs are turned into a disciplined machine aimed at securing Republican hegemony and corporate profits.

Abroad, however, we are in Dick Cheney’s world, where grand visions meet a naïveté that would be almost touching had it not gotten so many people killed. In both domains, a disregard for the facts dominates, but whereas the home front features well-crafted lies aimed at securing the president’s political future, on foreign policy the administration seems to be genuinely out of touch with reality. I, myself, badly misjudged the Iraq War out of false overestimation of Bush’s cynicism. Surely, I thought, the naysayers were wrong and the war would turn out well, for it clearly wasn’t in the president’s political interest to produce the current debacle.

But while the “two presidents” theory has some merit, it is unsatisfying both intellectually and emotionally. As in physics, where quantum field theory and general relativity coexist uneasily, we yearn for a grand unified theory of Bushism that would put the two halves of the agenda together. Now, at last, with the revelation that Ahmad Chalabi has been passing intelligence information to the regime in Iran, the opportunity presents itself to construct just such a unified theory. The truth, hard as it is to accept, is that Bush is an Iranian agent.

Admittedly this theory suffers from a lack of direct empirical evidence. Nevertheless, by presenting this single bold conjecture, we can explain everything in a neat, tidy package. By Occam’s razor, then, the theory must be accepted. Hear me out.

It’s so far-fetched that it can’t possibly actually be true, of course.

Or could it? ;)

(via Atrios)

iTunes: “III. Allegro fugato from Sonata No. 5 in D Major for Cello and Piano, Op. 102, No. 2” by Ax, Emanuel/Ma, Yo-Yo from the album Sony Classical: Great Performances 1903-1998 (1983, 4:47).

Plans

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Today would be a good day for an earthquake. Or at least, it would fit into my schedule nicely.

— Your Local Goddess

iTunes: “Discotheque (DM Deep Extended Club)” by U2 from the album Discotheque (1997, 10:06).

Fun on the bus

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I didn’t take much notice of her when she sat down next to me on the bus. It was a busy morning, there were only so many open seats available, so a sudden seatmate wasn’t really that much of a surprise.

I was a bit taken aback when she poked my arm to get my attention, though. I put my iPod on pause and popped out the headphones to see what she’s said. Unfortuantely, I couldn’t make heads or tails of what she was saying. I did rather quickly manage to pick up one very pertinent piece of information, though.

This girl was stoned out of her mind. Absolutely blitzed. And whatever she was on, I’m pretty sure it was a lot stronger than anything I ever tried in my more adventuresome days.

For the rest of the trip, she sat next to me, talking to herself (and occasionally to me, though very rarely did I actually catch any intelligible words), inflection bouncing up and down the scale as she asked and then answered her own questions, and occasionally bursting into a sudden fit of giggles.

At one point, after examining the cigarette she was holding in one hand, she dug into her pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Opening the pack, she slid the one she’d been waving around into the pack, and pulled out a fresh one. Replacing the pack, she then opened a side pocket on her purse, and pulled out a small brown glass bottle. She unscrewed the cap, extracted a small applicator stick, and proceeded to smear some rather foul-smelling substance along the length of the cigarette she’d just taken out. Once the cigarette was quite covered and soaked in whatever was in the bottle, she capped it, put it back in her purse, and resumed her private little monologue.

I haven’t really got a clue what was in the bottle, but I’m guessing that I’ve just had my first close encounter with “smokin’ stix“. Hopefully my last, too — that stuff smelled foul.

iTunes: “Your Very Own Tank” by Rollins, Henry from the album Talk is Cheap, Vol. 1 (2002, 17:42).