The Worm Within

This one may seem a little odd (at least, that is, if you haven’t seen it linked on every other site on the ‘net yet), but it’s worth it: one man’s experience dealing with one of the ickiest digestive problems possible — a tapeworm.

Yes, the subject matter is likely to make you cringe. But it’s also incredibly well written, and if you’re not too squeamish, well worth reading.

I was leaning forward, my nails scrabbling on his desk. Some sort of living thing was eating with me, sleeping with me, sharing my childhood traumas without my permission, and was with me during those intimate moments when I achieved orgasms, with or without a consenting partner. How embarrassing.

[…]

I was already entertaining dramatic fantasies. I visualized the tapeworm securely hooked at the bottom of my throat using the spiny little stabbing things they had, its mouth ajar, and every time I ate, it ate; I drank, it swallowed; when I got caught in the rain, it stayed dry.

Of course, this reminds me of a question that Royce used to toss out every so often, just to see what sort of interesting answers he might get. The more creative the answer, the better. The question was (probably slightly paraphrased, as I’m doing this from memory)…

You discover that you’re the host of a sixteen foot tapeworm one day when half of it comes out. What do you do?

There were many good (as in hilarious, and frequently very wrong) answers given at the time, two of which have stuck with me, though I can’t remember if either of them was my answer or not.

  1. Hang it out of my fly and scare small children.
  2. Well, if of the eight feet that came out, half came out one end and half came out the other, I could string myself up between two trees like a hammock.

I’m sure there were more answers worth preserving for posterity. If they’re still around anywhere, Royce would have to be the one to fess up to their existence. ;)

(via MeFi)

Seattle Skyline

Not the best quality panorama in the world, but not terribly bad, considering it was taken while bobbing along on the waters of Lake Union in a Duck.

Seattle from Lake Union

Rick picked me up Tuesday morning and took me down to Ride the Ducks as my birthday present. Quite fun, actually, for a silly little tourist thing to do. :)

iTunes: “Romeo” by Summer, Donna from the album Flashdance (1983, 3:16).

Countering the ‘rains all the time argument’…

Looks like Washington might be facing another drought this summer.

Washington was going through a drought the summer I came down here, too. While I wasn’t really complaining (gee — more sun? shucks!), I also didn’t really realize the extent of it until I headed out with some friends to see the Barenaked Ladies at the Gorge in central Washington. On the way out we passed a reservoir that was no more than half full, the air was scented with the smell of smoke from the forest fires raging across the state, and at one point the sunset was nearly obscured by smoke from a fire just a few miles away.

After getting everything set up at the campsite, we packed ourselves into two cars, and headed down a quicker route back to the Gorge for the show. The way there was fascinating — currently, huge amounts of the state of Washington are on fire, and there were amazing clouds of smoke from the fires just 40 miles away or so in the sky. The smoke turned an otherwise clear night to a completely opaque murk. Just fascinating to see — and the smell of burning pine in the air was an added reminder that all this stuff wasn’t that far away.

Growing up in Anchorage and now living in Seattle, neither droughts nor forest fires are generally something I have to be overly worried about most of the time (earthquakes, windstorms, and the occasional volcanic ashfall are more likely to crop up on any given day in Anchorage). When they come along, though, they’re often not that far away, either.

iTunes: “Swamp Thing (Southern Comfort)” by Grid from the album Music for Dancing (1994, 7:14).

Happy Birthday Royce!

Day three of the May Birthday Extravaganza — my long-time friend (since 4th grade) Royce hits 31 today.

Happy birthday, bub! :)

iTunes: “Profecia” by Calva Y Nada from the album German Mystic Sound Sampler Vol. IV (1993, 3:30).

Karma just kicked my ass

Apparently I pissed someone off with my self-righteous indignant babbling about IE (and, implicitly, Windows) being inferior to just about everything else out there (including, but not limited to, the Mac).

Last night I installed the latest Security Update for Mac OS X, and something tweaked out right at the end, locking up the computer. When I did a force restart, the computer wouldn’t boot — it got to the grey startup screen with the Apple logo and spinning progress widget, and just sat there, happily spinning away, but never progressing beyond that.

I poked at it for a while last night, resetting the PRAM, figuring out how to get into Open Firmware and reset the NVRAM (whatever that is) that way, nothing helped. Bleah. Tried to reinstall Panther from the 10.3 discs, and realized that by participating in the Apple Up-To-Date program, I’d been sent upgrade discs rather than install discs, and they wouldn’t let me put a fresh 10.3 install over 10.3.3.

Bleah. Went to bed.

Got up this morning, dug out the System Restore disc that came with the G5, installed 10.2, upgraded to 10.3, and ran through Software Update a few times to bring me up to 10.3.3 plus all current updates (including the Security Update that freaked out last night). Everything’s back up and running rock solid again, but that was a good three hours (one last night, two this morning) that I’d much rather have spent in more productive ways.

Ah, well, at least it’s done. On the bright side, while I won’t claim that OS X is completely trouble-free (and I don’t think I ever have made that claim), I still think this process, on the whole, was preferable to a Windows reinstall. For instance, even after a full system reinstall from the ground up, I still have all my applications, documents, and system preferences right where they were when the whole ordeal started, and don’t have to re-install or re-configure anything. That in itself probably saves me another couple hours of recovery time.

iTunes: “Hooked on a Feeling (Ooga-Chaka) (Ooga Chaka)” by Baby Talk from the album Hooked on a Feeling (Ooga-Chaka) (1998, 3:02).

Adventures on the Metro

Standing on the corner, I saw a bus coming down the street. Damn — “Ryerson Base” scrolled across the front, marking it as an off-shift bus going back to the base, so I turned around and wandered back to the bus stop to keep waiting.

Then I heard the sound of the bus braking and pulling over to the side of the road. The doors opened, and the sweet smell of pipe tobacco wafted out as the driver beckoned me in. “Hop on!” So I did.

“Just smokin’ down the road,” said the driver as the bus pulled out and I sat down. “I’m heading into the base, but I can get you that far, or if you see another bus that’ll work, just holler and we’ll get you on that one.”

A few blocks later, he pulled to the side again, and picked up another two guys waiting at their stop. “Jump in and hang on,” warned the driver, and the bus roared back to life, taking the next corner faster than I’ve ever seen an articulated bus corner before.

“So here’s the deal,” said the driver. “We’ve got about three more streets to cross, then there’s a stop just before the base. There’s a ton of buses that go through that stop, so I’ll let you off there, you’ll get downtown, and I’ll be on my way home.” Sounded like a good plan.

As we got closer to Ryerson Base, the driver pointed out the other two bus bases in the area (three of the five or six bases are in the south downtown area). Distracted by being able to play tour guide, though, he suddenly realized that he’d passed up that last stop that he was going to be dropping us off at.

“Well, that was my mistake. How about this — when we stop, just stick with me,” he said, and pulled the bus off the street and into Ryerson Base. He pointed off to the right side of the bus. “See that sign? That’s the parking assignments. This is a sixty-footer, so I park in lane 27 or 28.” Another quick turn, and the bus pulled to a stop in the midst of thirty or forty other members of the Metro Transit bus fleet.

The bus went dead.

“Okay, guys. Stick with me. You don’t want to get hit in here.” We all got off, and followed him out of the base and across the street into the employee parking lot. “Normally you wouldn’t be allowed in here, but it was my goof up. I don’t want to send you walking down that corridor,” and he gestured down the narrow road, obviously intended only to allow bus access to and from the base, “so I’ll just have to give you a lift to another stop.”

A few moments later, we all piled into his little Geo Metro. He waved his employee badge at the gate, the crossbeam lifted, and we drove off down the road. Not long afterwards, we pulled to the side of the road at the corner of Fourth and Jackson, in the International District. “That’s it for tonight, guys, I’ve got a ferry to catch.” We thanked him, got out, and he drove off into the night.

The other two adventurers wandered off to wait for the next bus to take them the rest of the way into downtown. I looked around, figured that it wasn’t that far, and started walking home through the Seattle night.

iTunes: “Helium” by 29 Died from the album Sworn (1995, 3:59).

It’s still not my fault…

Okay, first things first.

This is a personal website. I speak for myself, and myself alone: not for my employer, my friends, my neighbor, my government, my country, or anyone else. Just lil’ ol’ me. And, me being me, I will occasionally be a bit — or even more than a bit — of a boneheaded, ranting ass. I might even enjoy it. That’s just the way it happens every so often.

Now, I don’t mind at all if someone calls me on it — matter of fact, it’s a good thing that there are people who will call me on it when it happens. I’d hate to see where I could end up with an entirely unchecked ego! ;)

That said, IE still sucks, and it’s still not my fault. ;) However, progress has been made on that front, thanks to the absolutely mindblowingly incredible technical wizardry of Dean EdwardsIE7 hack, which uses CSS and JavaScript wizardry to beat IE into behaving like a modern, standards-compliant web browser. The hack has been installed on the main page of my site (with the rest of the pages soon to follow), and the difference it makes is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Many thanks to bethlet for reminding me of that piece of code.

Last night’s post was written in a fit of frustration (and really, one that I go through just about every time I work on a redesign when I get to the point of battling with IE). While my “screw it” attitude was a bit extreme (and probably wouldn’t really have lasted more than a couple days — I just shot my mouth off this time instead of stewing quietly until a solution was found), I fully stand behind the sentiments behind it. Other people have said it before me, and will say it again later on (though possibly with more tact). Outside of corporate-decreed lock in, there’s really no real reason to be using IE as your primary browser anymore, and there are plenty of benefits to switching to a modern browser.

However, as in the real world IE is (unfortuately) not likely to go away anytime soon, all ranting aside, I will continue to at least make an attempt at supporting it. I won’t code for IE, but I’ll at least do my best not to code against it, either.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. ;)

Happy birthday, Kevin!

It’s day two of the May birthday extravaganza — my brother Kevin turns 28 today!

Happy birthday, Kev!

iTunes: “I Sit on Acid (Remix)” by Lords of Acid from the album Lust (1991, 6:22).

Jason Webley Birth Day – Only Just Beginning CD release

My birthday weekend started off with this year’s Birth Day for Jason Webley, his annual “resurrection” show, this year combined with the CD release party for Only Just Beginning. A full writeup will have to wait for later — it’s a gorgeous spring day today, and I want to go out and play in the sun — but I’ve posted my photos from the concert (and the after-concert revelry in Freeway Park).

As always, though, a wonderful show. Got to meet Mike and ~~his wife, and…well, here, I’m going to have to grovel for forgiveness, as while I remember Eric and his wife, I’ve completely spaced out on Eric’s website~~ Viv and Eric [and Rose and Adam — we all sat together during the show, then the five of them went off to a local bar while Prairie and I followed the asparagus into Freeway Park for the after-show]{.underline}.

(Mind like a steel trap, I tell you.

Rusty and illegal in 37 states.)

In any case, photos are up, a good time was had by all, and I’m off to enjoy the weather. :)

iTunes: “Music That Puts Everything Together” by Jason Webley from the album Only Just Beginning (2004, 4:54).

Poem in Your Pocket

First off, a quick explanation for things being so quiet around here lately: I’m working on a redesign of the site. In some ways, nothing major, as I’ll be keeping the same basic visual style, and I’m “just” transforming it from a single-column back to a two-column layout. However, that’s caused me to re-code from the bottom up in order to get everything working the way I want it, which has been keeping me busy over the past few nights.

The new design probably won’t go up until sometime next week at the earliest (this being birthday weekend and all, spending hours in front of the computer is fairly low priority), but it’ll go up as soon as I can manage it.

Today, though, is Poem In Your Pocket day. Originally started by the New York Times and the City of New York, someone on Orkut’s blogger community suggested turning this into a meme.

“The City of New York and The New York Times invite you to join us on April 30, 2004 for Poem in Your Pocket Day… New Yorkers are encouraged to carry a poem in their pocket and share it with friends, family, coworkers and classmates.”

I thought it would be a great idea if bloggers did something similar on April 30th:

To commemorate the end of National Poetry Month, blog about your favorite poem and provide at least one link to other poems and/or a bio of the poet.

Now, admittedly, I’ve never been much of one for poetry. For one reason or another, it’s an art form that has consistently failed to capture my interest much at all. However, there is one poet that I absolutely love, and have quite a few books of poetry (including one wonderful collection of his complete poems): e. e. cummings. Something about his style has always grabbed me, and he’s been the only poet ever to peak my interest.

While it’s difficult for me to narrow down one particular favorite, there are two that consistently pop into my mind when I’m trying to pick a favorite.

This first one I love because it’s so wonderfully un-subtle. Just my style. ;)

she being Brand

-new;and you
know consequently a
little stiff i was
careful of her and(having

thoroughly oiled the universal
joint tested my gas felt of
her radiator made sure her springs were O.

K.)i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her

up,slipped the
clutch(and then somehow got into reverse she
kicked what
the hell)next
minute i was back in neutral tried and

again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg.     ing(my

lev-er Right-
oh and her gears being in
A 1 shape passed
from low through
second-in-to-high like
greasedlightening)just as we turned the corner of Divinity

avenue i touched the accelerator and give

her the juice,good

                    (it

was the first ride and believe i we was
happy to see how nice she acted right up to
the last minute coming back down by the Public
Gardens i slammed on

the
internalexpanding
&
externalcontracting
brakes Bothatonce and

brought allofher tremB
-ling
to a:dead.

stand-
;Still)

This second one that always sticks in my head is much sweeter, and it’s primarily the last nine lines (starting with “what’s wholly”) that really get to me.

because it’s

Spring
thingS

dare to do people

(& not
the other way

round)because it

‘s A
pril

Lives lead their own

persons(in
stead

of everybodyelse’s)but

what’s wholly
marvellous my

Darling

is that you &
i are more than you

& i(be

ca
us

e It’s we)

(Incidentally, trying to translate e. e. cummings’ poetic formatting into workable valid HTML/CSS is not easy to do. Hopefully I managed to pull it off…)

(via Phil)

iTunes: “Lust for Life” by Pop, Iggy from the album Trainspotting (1977, 5:13).