Training fun

My current employer has a set of required training courses that all employees have to take, ranging from the standard sexual harassment training to machine-specific courses. Not a terribly big deal, generally.

Except right now, when I’m working my way through a course on Internet Explorer — a course that has an expected time to finish of three and one half hours. I just learned what an “address bar” is, what a “link” is and what happens when I click on it, and how to resize and move a browser window around on my screen.

I think I can feel my brain dribbling out of my ears.

On the bright side, these courses at least allow you to turn off the audio narration, so I can just click through the steps as quickly as possible. Hopefully, this will allow me to finish in something less than the expected time.

[Update:]{.underline}

A quick clarification on one issue that was pointed out to me. The training sessions offer audio narration, but even when you turn that off, all steps must be followed before one can advance through the course; after the course, there is a quiz to ensure that the testee has retained the information given. While turning off the audio allowed me to progress at a far faster rate than I could have otherwise, I didn’t entirely skip or disregard the training. I also passed the quiz with flying colors — yay me! :)

Now that I’m done whining, it’s back to training, where I’m currently learning all about how to search for information on the ‘net via MSN Search and Yahoo!

Wheeeeeee!

(Of course, the really ironic part to all this is that it’s web based training. On how to use the web. Hilarity ensues.)

I’m 100 percent British!

I'm 100 percent British!

Jolly good, wot! Anyone for tennis? That’ll be ten ponies, guv. You’re the epitome of everything that is english. Yey :) Hoist that Union Jack!

How British are you?
This quiz was made by alanna

Incidentally, I think I’m going to have to come up with some special prize for the first ‘net quiz I run across that gives you “Put this in your blog!” code that is actually well-written, doesn’t use unnecessary tables, properly opens and closes paragraph tags, uses proper break tags (<br />, not <br>), and so on. I always have to re-write the tag soup they give me before I can post the results here…

Just feeling a little quiet

There’s a lot of stuff out there on that in-tar-web thing these days, but I just haven’t felt terribly talkative as of late. It’s not really writers block as such, more of a general feeling of not having anything to add. It happens every so often.

The weekend’s been good, with a few days of lounging around, relaxing, and watching movies with Prairie (Lost in Translation, Donnie Darko, Willard, and Party Monster), and out to the Vogue to bounce around, flirt, and hang out with friends. All in all, a very enjoyable night.

I’ve gotten back into the eternal project of re-importing all my CDs into my computer — so far, I’m up to 6,913 songs over 583 albums in 30.38Gb, and that’s probably somewhere under halfway done. Yikes.

And…well, that’s about as exciting as things get right now. I’m sure my usual babble will resurface before terribly long. Until then, though…

iTunes: “Son of a Gun” by K.M.F.D.M. from the album XTORT (1996, 4:23).

XBox2, G5…and Virtual PC?

Nick just dropped me a quick note to let me know that I’m showing up on Slashdot again. It seems that word just hit the ‘net that Microsoft has released the SDK for the upcoming XBox2, and said SDK is being distributed running on Apple PowerMac G5 dual-processor machines running a customized NT kernel. This prompted Mr. Muskrat’s comment

Michael Hanscom almost blew the XBox2 story wide open back in October.

Remember when Microsoft fired that guy because he mentioned that they bought G5s. Too bad he didn’t know anything about why they bought them.

I did wonder a bit about the G5/Xbox2 link back in November, when news first broke that the Xbox2 would likely be running on the G5 chip. At the time, I was idly wondering about the possibility of an Xbox emulator for the Mac (similar to Connectix’ old Virtual Gamestation software that allowed Mac users to run Playstation games on their home computer).

Now, though, the news that the seeded G5’s are running a custom NT kernel has me wondering along different lines.

In February of ’03, Microsoft bought Virtual PC, the PC-emulation software for Macs that allows them to run Windows software inside an emulated PC. They’ve continued to support and update Virtual PC for the Mac, along with releasing Virtual PC for the PC, allowing Windows machines to run multiple virtual machines on one physical box — handy for software testing purposes. Unfortunately, Virtual PC depends on a feature of earlier PowerPC processors that is not present in the G5, so there hasn’t been a version of Virtual PC released yet that will run on Apple’s flagship G5 desktop machines.

Last month, Microsoft announced that a new G5-compatible version of Virtual PC would be released along with Office 2004. Considering that the Xbox2 SDK is apparently running a customized NT kernel that runs on G5 systems, could some of those same customizations be worked into Virtual PC 7, making for a major speed increase, as more of the low-level code would be running natively on the Mac rather than having to pass through an emulator? I don’t really know enough about the innards of how software like this works, so I could be entirely off-base here — the differences between the emulation required for Virtual PC and the customizations needed to get the NT kernel running on the PowerPC processor may have absolutely nothing in common — but it was enough to get me wondering.

Even more interesting, though, would be if someone could leak some form of benchmarks, even rough ones, showing what kind of performance this customized NT kernel was getting on the SDK machines. I’m assuming it must be at least somewhat respectable, as the machines are being used for creating software for the Xbox2 — but how respectable?

And going even more wildly out of the bounds of reality…for years now, there have been rumors of Apple porting the Mac OS to be able to run on Intel-based PCs (realistically, that’s not likely to ever be released publicly, but the technology is there). However, what about going the other direction? What if Microsoft were to take these customizations to their kernel and and eventually supplant Virtual PC with an actual build of Longhorn for the G5, either as a “red box” that would allow you to run Windows applications concurrently with Mac OS X applications (we can already run Mac OS X apps, “Classic” Mac OS apps, Unix command-line apps, and Unix X-11 apps all at the same time as it is), or as a dual-boot option (Which OS would you like to run today)?

Likely? I seriously doubt it. But fun to play with.

And I’d still love to find out just how zippy those G5s are running NT. Wouldn’t it be a fun little tweak if they were running as fast as (or faster, even) than high-end PCs?

An insider’s view of MS Word 6.0

Microsoft Word for the Mac versions 4 and 5 were my introductions to Word, and in the opinion of myself and many other people, were the pinnacle of Microsoft’s Mac programming.

I had a single 1.4Mb floppy disc on my first Mac (a Mac Classic) that had the MS Word program and every paper I wrote for school that year, and it ran quite happily in the 1Mb of RAM that my lil’ Classic had in it. Word 5, while not that small, was the perfect combination of features and usability, adding useful functions without becoming too much of a memory, space, or speed hog.

Then came Word 6.

Huge. Bloated. A memory hog. Dog-slow. And a truly hideous interface that only a Windows user could love (or even feel at home in).

Things have improved since then, thankfully — Word (and Office) for Mac OS X is actually useable, though I tend not to bother unless I have a really pressing need (such as getting into old archived documents laying around on my system), as the majority of my writing these days is either coding my site in BBEdit or posting via Ecto.

Still, it was quite interesting to find this look at the creation of MS Word 6 from Rick Schaut, one of the people on the team for Word 6.

Shipping a crappy product is a lot like beating your head against the wall.  It really does feel good when you ship a great product as a follow-up, and it really does motivate you to spend some time trying to figure out how not to ship a crappy product again.

Mac Word 6.0 was a crappy product.  And, we spent some time trying to figure out how not to do that again.  In the process, we learned a few things, not the least of which was the meaning of the term “Mac-like.”

(via Scoble)

iTunes: “Homey Don’t Play Dat” by Bonnie ‘n’ Clyde from the album Terminator X and the Valley of the Jeep Beats (1991, 4:12).

Mardi Gras

I’ll be making one of my few mid-week appearances at the Vogue tonight…

Mardi Gras at the Vogue

iTunes: “Unschuld Erde” by Das Ich from the album Relikt (Disc 1) (2003, 6:07).

Introductions

Got to introduce Jonas, Jon, and Jeannie to Fetish Night at the Vogue last night. Much fun was had by all, as far as I know, even if Jonas did give me crap for going out to dance to Depeche Mode‘s’Strangelove‘. ;)

Unfortunately, I realized halfway up the hill that I’d forgotten to grab my camera, so no incriminating evidence will be making the rounds.

iTunes: “Darkangel” by VNV Nation from the album Empires (2000, 5:28).

Safety != comfort

A few days ago, I started seeing links to Malcolm Gladwell’s excellent look at “SUV culture” and the disconnects between perceived safety and real safety. It’s an incredible read, especially if you might have ever looked longingly at the latest behemoth on the road.

Bradsher brilliantly captures the mixture of bafflement and contempt that many auto executives feel toward the customers who buy their S.U.V.s. Fred J. Schaafsma, a top engineer for General Motors, says, “Sport-utility owners tend to be more like ‘I wonder how people view me,’ and are more willing to trade off flexibility or functionality to get that.” According to Bradsher, internal industry market research concluded that S.U.V.s tend to be bought by people who are insecure, vain, self-centered, and self-absorbed, who are frequently nervous about their marriages, and who lack confidence in their driving skills. Ford’s S.U.V. designers took their cues from seeing “fashionably dressed women wearing hiking boots or even work boots while walking through expensive malls.”

[…]

The truth, underneath all the rationalizations, seemed to be that S.U.V. buyers thought of big, heavy vehicles as safe: they found comfort in being surrounded by so much rubber and steel. To the engineers, of course, that didn’t make any sense, either: if consumers really wanted something that was big and heavy and comforting, they ought to buy minivans, since minivans, with their unit-body construction, do much better in accidents than S.U.V.s…. But this desire for safety wasn’t a rational calculation. It was a feeling.

In linking to the story yesterday, Scoble mentioned the statistical ridiculousness of being comfortable driving, yet being afraid to fly.

I’ve given up in trying to correct the stupidity of my friends (stupidity in this context is the lack of ability to apply any risk analysis to their lives). I have never met one of my brother-in-laws, for instance. Why? He lives in London, England. He won’t fly. He’s afraid of flying. But he drives. Let’s see, you’re 1000 times more likely to die in a car than in a plane accident. If he’s afraid of flying he should absolutely be freaked out about driving. But he drives a bus.

The thing is, this is something that I can identify with — far better than I’d like, in fact.

I used to love flying when I was younger. My family travelled a lot, and heading to the airport and getting on a plane meant I was going somewhere new, off to see new things and explore more of the world. Nothing could have been cooler. I’d be completely jazzed from the moment we hit the airport until we landed, gazing out the window seat to watch the ground below or the movement of the wings, feeling myself sink into my seat as we rose into the air — it was great.

Then I turned 18, and — funny, this — my parents suddenly stopped paying for me to travel. I spent the next ten years in and around Anchorage, not getting on an airplane again until I flew to Fairbanks one February to DJ a dance at UAF. Suddenly, I was a little nervous — nothing major, but I was a lot more conscious of the fact that an airplane is a giant metal tube, hurtling through the air thousands of feet above the ground. It wasn’t enough to really get to me, but it was definitely there. Still, nothing major.

Until December of 2001.

I had the single worst flight I’ve ever been on on the way up. Most of it went fine, but then about half an hour before we touched down, we hit the worst turbulence I’ve ever gone through, plus multiple air pockets where the airplane would suddenly drop for a couple seconds before it caught lift again. I’ve got to say, that was the most all-out terrified I’ve ever been — one drop I might have made it through with just being a little frightened, but when it kept happening over and over, I really started to freak out. I was completely convinced that we were going down — especially when after it started happening, and when the captain came on the intercom, rather than telling us something about how we’d hit some turbulence and would we please all sit down (which, while it would be stating the obvious, would have been somewhat reassuring), all he said was, “Would the flight crew please sit down and buckle in now.” Not encouraging.

Ever since then, I’ve been terrified of flying. The sane, calm, logical part of my brain knew that it was flat-out stupid. Statistically, flying is the single safest mode of travel we have. Thousands of flights a day go all over the world without any problems. The chances of being on a flight that suddenly goes seriously bad are so slim to be almost laughable.

But it didn’t matter.

All I could think of when I got on an airplane was the feeling of that flight suddenly losing all lift, and dropping out of the sky. My head was filled with visions of this or that piece breaking, the pilots not being able to regain control, and I’d end up trapped in a giant metal coffin coming screaming out of the sky at hundreds of miles an hour. Ever bit of turbulence, every random sound the airplane made as it flew, and I’d be white-knuckling the armrests, closing my eyes, and doing my best to find whatever mental “happy place” I could until it was all over. My last couple flights, I took to dosing myself with Sominex just before takeoff — it wouldn’t knock me out, but it did at least calm me enough that I wasn’t completely freaking out.

I think that part of what triggered the extreme reaction, both during the flight that initially scared me so much and during subsequent flights, was the feeling of lack of control. When I’m in a car (especially when driving), I know that I’m in control of the vehicle, and if anything goes wrong (from mechanical problems with the car I’m driving to bad road conditions to other idiot drivers on the road), it’s up to me to make sure that I’ll make it out alive. If I survive (and even better, if I survive unscathed), wonderful — and if I don’t, then at least I can be sure that I did everything I could.

In an airplane, though, I have no control. I’m just a passenger, and an even more powerless passenger than I would be in a car or bus. Driving, even if I’m not the one behind the wheel, than if the driver suddenly conked out, than I know that I have the ability to take the wheel if need be (this may not be very realistic, but it could happen). Flying, however, there’s absolutely nothing I can do if something goes wrong. No matter what the situation is, all I could do is sit in my seat, ride it out, and hope and pray that we land safely. That feeling of powerlessness, of lack of control over my world, definitely plays a part in why I was so scared.

Not to mention the silly little fact that if a car suddenly loses power, you can generally coast to the side of the road, come to a stop, and get out to troubleshoot. If an airplane loses power, you’ve got however long it takes to fall 13,000 feet before you can kiss your ass goodbye. That definitely doesn’t help when a frightened brain is concocting worst-case scenarios.

Thankfully, that fear of flying seems to be lessening. My flights down to Memphis for my brother’s wedding weren’t nearly as nervewracking as other flights have been, and I didn’t even need the Sominex for the return leg of the trip. I won’t say I’m entirely over the fear — there were definitely some nervous moments — but it wasn’t anywhere near as strong as it had been in the recent past.

I’m actually somewhat curious (though not very, really) if dad was using some of his psychology techniques to subject me to “immersion therapy”, as I went from a 737 (or some other “normal” sized airliner) for the Seattle to Cincinnati flight, to a little 50-seater twin-engine for the Cincinnati to Memphis flight…and then going back from Memphis to Cincinnati ended up on a 32-seater! Considering that each plane was getting successively smaller, I was really starting to wonder if a Piper Cub could make the Cincinnati to Seattle leg of the flight. Thankfully, though, I was back on a 737 (or some other “normal” sized airliner) for that leg.

Anyway, all this boils down to is that just because you know you are safe in a given vehicle or situation doesn’t mean that you’re going to be comfortable. I knew my fear of flying was ridiculous. Unfortunately, I spent about three years powerless to do anything about it.

Of course, all this doesn’t keep me from sharing in the belief that SUVs are ridiculously stupid, overpowered, underprotected, gas-guzzling, ugly, pointless vehicles that should be banned for anyone not living down at least fifteen miles of unpaved road. ;)

10 Random Songs

From D: Put your .mp3 collection on random, list the first 10 songs it plays. No editing allowed (though I don’t mind editorializing, myself).

Mousse T: Horny (Clean Version) from DJ Mix 2000 (1998, 3:54): One of the side effects of DJing for years was picking up a lot of CDs that I otherwise wouldn’t have — this was one of them. Actually, this track is one of the more listenable tracks from the album (which really isn’t saying much), and I can at least listen all the way through (if I’m distracted) without jumping for the “skip forward” button.

The Vienna Boys’ Choir: Heiligste Nacht from Christmas in Vienna (1991, 4:26): I actually got to meet (and sing with, if I remember correctly) one incarnation of the VBC many years ago, when they came through Anchorage and I was still a member of the Anchorage Childrens’ Choir. This is an album that normally only gets played around Christmastime, as I’m no big fan of Christmas music, especially off-season.

The Sisters of Mercy: Torch from Floodland (1987, 3:51): I couldn’t listen to SoM for the longest time, after they got heavily overplayed at Sharkey’s, one of the earliest alternative clubs in Anchorage. Lots of SoM every weekend drove me away from them after a while. A few years later, I finally got back into them, and now there’s not much SoM that I don’t enjoy.

Queen: Don’t Try Suicide from The Game (1980, 3:52): While I’m a long-time fan of Queen, this has to be one of their worst songs ever. Why is it that Grand Master Flash has been the only artist ever to come up with an anti-(bad thing of choice) song that was actually good (in this case, his anti-cocaine jam “White Lines (Don’t Do It)”)?

Madonna: Vogue (Bette Davis Dub) from Vogue (1990, 7:28): I’ve always had a lot of respect for Madonna, and generally enjoyed the music she’s put out. No matter what you may think of her or her music, she’s managed to keep herself in the headlines and put out a lot of good, solid, pop/dance music for many years now, generally doing so entirely on her own terms, whether that meant being outrageously sexual, outrageously religious, or just outrageous. The famous Madonna/Britney kiss was one of the first big indicators I’ve seen from her that she might be slipping and getting a bit desperate for press — hopefully that was just a momentary aberration.

DJ H. Geek: I Don’t Know Who I Am… from 3 Years and Counting… (1998, 10:07): DJ Geek, aka Kory, is a friend of mine that I DJ’d with for a few years at Gig’s. He went from mixing to creating his own music, and was nice enough to occasionally toss a CD of his my way. These days, I’ll be listening to something, hear a track I don’t recognize right off, think “hey, that’s good…who is it?” and realize that it’s one of Kory’s tracks. Not bad, not bad at all.

Love and Rockets: Lift (Malibu) from Resurrection Hex (1998, 4:17): As good as it is, there’s so much more to LaR than just “So Alive“. Have any of the members of Bauhaus gone on to any projects that weren’t listenable?

Deconstruction: E-Trance from Trance Sexual (1996, 5:32): Random rather forgettable trance, really. Not bad, not great. Just there.

Die Krupps: To the Hilt from Rings of Steel (1995, 4:47): Die Krupps aren’t one of my favorite industrial bands, and many of the remixes on the Rings of Steel album are more impressive than the original versions, but they’re not bad.

White Zombie: I’m Your Boogieman from The Crow: City of Angels (1996, 4:29): Cheezy, yeah. Loud, yeah. And virtually always a lot of fun. Who needs actual substance when good samples, drums, guitar work, and a healthy dose of pure attitude will do?