Something you don’t see very often on job order forms:
The package must be received…no later than 11am on Friday…. Please call me…once the package is on its way? Otherwise I will lose my job. I shit you not.
Good things Bush has done
Daily Kos is trying to come up with three good things Bush has done, and he’s having problems. I can’t come up with three — I can, however, come up with one. Here’s the text of comment I left over at the Go Fish:
Believe it or not, I do have one thing that I can completely seriously thank Bush and his administration for.
Thanks to his blundering incompetence, many people (myself included) are paying far more attention to politics than we used to. Bush’s otherwise disastrous presidency just may be the single strongest argument for people to actually wake up and pay attention to what’s going on in the world around them and to try to do something about it by getting involved than any ad campaign, voter registration drive, or anything else in years. More and more people want Bush out of the White House, and are realizing that for that to happen, they actually have to participate in this democracy of ours.
And for that, from the bottom of my heart, I thank President Bush.
But that’s all I can come up with.
Dean in Seattle this Sunday
Don’t forget, this Sunday is Howard Dean’s stop in Seattle!
Nipping at President Bush’s heels during his West Coast trip is former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean, who will drop into Portland and then Seattle on Sunday for a rally at Westlake Park.
In the midst of a four-day, 10-city trip he’s calling the “Sleepless Summer Tour,” Dean will attend a 5 p.m. fund-raiser at the Westin Hotel and a rally at Westlake Park from 6:30 to 8 p.m. before jetting off to Spokane on Monday morning.
[…]
As part of his campaign’s use of the Internet, Dean has solicited commitments from supporters to attend each of his rallies, and so far more than 2,250 people have signed up to attend the Seattle rally, Means said.
(via Mathew Gross)
Giant Gerbils
I’m trying to decide what amuses me more — this Netscape News story about an infestation of giant gerbils in China, or the fact that the article mentions the fact that Britain has a National Gerbil Society.
Time for that operation
The Gender Genie is a potentially cute little application that examines a block of text, and uses an algorithm to attempt to determine the sex of the author. According to the authors of the algorithm, it’s supposed to be correct roughly 80% of the time.
To give it a test, I copied the text of my ‘Oh, go ahead and point, it’s okay‘ post, hit ‘submit’…
…and discovered that I’m female.
Hrm.
I never knew.
Seattle skyline poster
My friend Tim is going to be selling a gorgeous panoramic poster of the Seattle skyline (the image can be seen here). More details and contact information can be found on his weblog.
Oh, lord, now what?
From: Jhdbd @yahoo.com
Date: Mon Aug 18, 2003 21:55:16 US/Pacific
To: Susan
Subject: You and your COLON Lbpqqtvx
Reply-To: Jhdbd @yahoo.com
I think I preferred the never-ending stream of Viagra spam, to be honest.
Are you registered to vote?
I certainly hope that everyone is registered to vote, and is planning on voting when the time comes. However, on the off chance that you’re not registered yet, you can now do so through Howard Dean’s website.
(via Zephyr Teachout)
A little bit of magic
Got a question that only an elf could answer? If you’re in Minneapolis, stop by and ask Mr. Little Guy.
Four-year-old Shira Rabkin wanted to ask just the right questions, so she thought long and hard.
“Dear Mr. Little Guy,” she finally scrawled in big letters across a sheet of paper. “Do you like mints?” After some more pondering, she added, “and going to Camp Snoopy? Love, Shira.”
Mr. Little Guy was nowhere in sight this early August evening, so Shira stuffed her letter behind his door at the base of a hollowed out ash tree. It’s always open, and always full – of letters, pens, flowers and coins.
The elusive elf has enchanted Twin Citians ever since the 6-inch wooden door appeared eight years ago, just off a walking path around popular Lake Harriet. Double takes led to messages, and messages to answers – and somehow Mr. Little Guy keeps up, responding to the queries in typed notes half the size of business cards.
(via Prairie)
Warning: These hurt!
Many thanks to Kirsten for sending these my way. I got quite a few laughs out of this list, myself.
And just remember…
…the beauty of the pun is in the “oy…” of the beholder.
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love, get married. The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was brilliant.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The green, green grass of home.'” “That sounds like the Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s not unusual.”
Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” said Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaimed Daisy.
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What?, Because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad…or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I’m pretty sure it’s Colin.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
I went to the butcher’s the other day and I wanted to bet him 50 dollars he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
A man came ’round in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied,”I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.
I went to a seafood disco rave last week…and pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
A man walks into doctor’s office. “What seems to be the problem?” asks the doc. “It’s…um…well…I have five penises.” replies the man. “Blimey!” says the doctor, “How do your trousers fit?” “Like a glove.”