What’s the best caption you can come up with for this sign?
“Look Ma — no hands!”
Humor
Things that make me laugh, or that I think will make others laugh.
38.46154 percent geek
According to the Geek Test, I’m 38.46154% geek, and therefore a “Major Geek”. I’m not sure if I should be disappointed or relieved…
The Matrix runs Windows
I can’t believe that nobody has done a “Which OS does the Matrix run on?”.
It’s obviously Windows though.
The following points are quite telling:
- Glitches occur in the Matrix whenever you change something.
- It is easy to hack into the Matrix.
- DRM software built-in tries to rid you of Morpheus.
- Microsoft created the Agent software (http://www.microsoft.com/msagent/default.asp).
- The User Interface is like having a giant metal spike shoved into the back of your head.
Also the original movie had many windows crashing, a clearly meaningful, if not subliminal, message about the Matrix origin.
— BBSpot Mailbag, via Phil
Bad Erotica Contest
Nerve.com has posted the winners to their Bad Erotica Contest — these are hilarious!
She had never known a man like Julio before. When he came and boldly sat next to her, the musky scent of his manliness turned her from tigress to gentle kitten. She belonged to him before his supple buttocks pressed aggressively against the tattered faux-leather covering of the barstool.
After sitting nursing his drink for what seemed like a hundred eternities to her already soaked vaginal cavity, he leaned toward her to speak. Her massive, sentimental breasts heaved in sexual anticipation. His breath, a combination of lust and malt liquor, intoxicated her nearly as much as his words.
“My name is Julio, Julio Gottstein,” he said, his smoldering eyes aflame in the victory he would soon celebrate. “And soon, I shall have you.”
And it just gets better (worse?) as you keep reading…
Pathologicopsychological
Thanks to a comment on this post of Stavros’, I found and fell in love with the pseudo-word “pathologicopsychological”. I now own the domain www.pathologicopsychological.com — but what do I do with it? I haven’t even done anything with michaelhanscom.com yet!
Too many projects, not enough time…
More buttonmania
Mena, if you weren’t married to Ben already, I’d propose after seeing this! ;) Just beautiful.
Zero matches on Google
Today’s Foxtrot cracked me up.
Skip, skip, skip to iLoo!
Y’know, for all the times I’ve been tempted to toss Windows where it belongs — into the toilet — I never figured that Microsoft itself would feel the same way! It appears I was wrong, however — at least, according to this MS UK press release…
The UK’s most popular website msn.co.uk is creating the world’s first ‘Internet Loo’. The iLoo will be mobile and is part of MSN’s mission to allow instant logging on ‘anytime and any place’.
In time for the summer festival season, MSN is in the process of converting a portable loo to create a unique experience for surfers looking for an alternative to the bog-standard festival loo experience. Users will be able to sit down, undock a wireless keyboard and conveniently access the first ever WWW.C.
A plasma screen will be located directly in front of them which can be adjusted to a desired height level. MSN is also in talks with toilet paper manufacturers to produce special web paper for those in need of URL inspiration.
Um…yeah. The only problem with a story like this is that all the really good jokes are already taken.
I am…
Why my friend Michael is a fine father
What Michael is looking for
Michael is cool
How Michael is doing
Michael is the most popular name in North America
Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate
Michael is da bomb
Michael is my friend
Michael is safely in Rochester
Michael is suing Granada Television!
Michael is devastated and feels utterly betrayed
Woody is online again!
Woody is thinking, while others fixate
Woody is getting worse
Maybe Woody is only seeing Dreamworks films
Woody is out!
Woody is bootable?
Woody is back
Woody is both knotty and nice
The Woody is coming to town
The Woody is a wooden bat with the feel and performance of an aluminum bat
Woody is wierd
Wudi is an official clan already
Wudi is famous for its Chinese dates
Wudi is a certified public accountant
Wudi is a not-for-profit corporation
Wudi is a free, three episode bonus campaign
Wudi is a resident of Redmond
Wudi is said to have ordered a gilded bronze horse
Wudi is considered the most famous, influential Empror that existed
Wudi is so respected
Wudi is ranked 86
Wudi is a manufacturing arm in the Asia for you!
Who knew? ;)
Its / It's / Its'
Prairie (11:49:51 AM): but my class went fine in spite of that…although somehow I managed to talk for half an hour about apostrophes, and I’m not quite sure how it happened
Michael (11:49:58 AM): oh wow!
Michael (11:50:00 AM): :laughs
Michael (11:50:04 AM): half an hour? wow…
Prairie (11:50:21 AM): I know…but they kept asking questions, so I kept talking
Michael (11:50:38 AM): well, there are people who can’t figure out “its” and “it’s” after years of teaching, so I can see half an hour on apostrophes in general
Prairie (11:51:01 AM): yeah — we spent at least 10 minutes on it’s and its, and let’s and lets
Michael (11:51:30 AM): I think someday I want to start a software company called Its
Michael (11:51:48 AM): so that when we release software, in order to write about it correctly, people would have to say
Michael (11:51:51 AM): Its’ new software
Michael (11:51:52 AM): lol
Prairie (11:52:02 AM): just so you can write sentences
like — yeah — exactly!
Michael (11:52:06 AM): :laughs
Michael (11:52:13 AM): piss every editor in the world off
Prairie (11:52:33 AM): just to add one more level of confusion (LOVE the way you think!)
Michael (11:52:49 AM): woohoo!