Mallrats – Eclecticism

Thanks to everyone (both here and on LiveJournal) for all the birthday wishes! It’s been a fun day so far…I’ve got the afternoon off, so I think I’m going to head out wandering while the sun’s out, and I had a small pile of presents to open during lunch.

Prairie (who’s the Dollar Store Queen, a title that doesn’t sound nearly as impressive as it actually is) got me a few small silly little games, badminton rackets and birdies, and a small stack of DVDs from the Cartoon Craze series that we’ve been having fun with (old cartoons are great!).

Xebeth sent along two Kevin Smith DVDs, the 10th Anniversary edition of Mallrats and Jay and Silent Bob do Degrassi: The Next Generation (I got Xebeth into watching the original Degrassi Jr. High back in high school) and a hilarious little ‘Crazy Orgy’ puzzle game (a tile game where you have to match symbols on the edges of nine squares to make one large square with all edges matching…only here the symbols are cute little cartoons of people in flagrante delicto).

And continuing the Kevin Smith theme, Jer from Nyquil.org was kind enough to send Jersey Girl my way (a real surprise, as I never actually expect anyone to get me something from my Amazon wishlist). Thanks Jer!

Tonight: some of Prairie’s excellent taco salad while watching one of the new DVDs, then the (excellent, I’m quite sure) cake that Prairie prepared for me. Not a bad day, I’d day.

Brodie: Lois could never have Superman’s baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it’s strong enough to carry his child?

T.S.: Sure, why not?

Brodie Bruce: He’s an alien for Christ sake! His Kryptonian biological makeup is enhanced by Earth’s yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.

— Brodie Bruce and T.S. Quint in Kevin Smith’s Mallrats

Covering the same basic field as the above quote, but in a more scientific, if not serious manner, Larry Niven’s classic speculative 1971 piece Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.

Either Superman has gone completely schizo and believes himself to be Clark Kent; or he knows what he’s doing, but no longer gives a damn. Thirty-one years is a long time. For Superman it has been even longer. He has X-ray vision; he knows just what he’s missing. (*One should not think of Superman as a Peeping Tom. A biological ability must be used. As a child Superman may never have known that things had surfaces, until he learned to suppress his X-ray vision. If millions of people tend shamelessly to wear clothing with no lead in the weave, that is hardly Superman’s fault.*)

The problem is this. Electroencephalograms taken of men and women during sexual intercourse show that orgasm resembles “a kind of pleasurable epileptic attack.” One loses control over one’s muscles.

Superman has been known to leave his fingerprints in steel and in hardened concrete, accidentally. What would he do to the woman in his arms during what amounts to an epileptic fit?

(via Boing Boing)