Getting shot at wasn’t really that bad. It was the getting shot part that sucked.
— Staff Sgt. Jamie Villafane, recuperating from a shrapnel wound after single-handedly capturing four Iraqis.
(Via Tom Brown)
Quotes
A collection of quotes that I’ve found interesting at one point or another over the years.
Patriotism
My country, right or wrong. If right, to be kept right, if wrong, to be put right.
— Carl Schurz
An honorary offer
I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer and all night long I was on her and off her.
— seen in Yahoo! Chat
Who gave them the loudspeakers?
Her: “So what? The majority of people don’t even leave comments, they just read. Those are the normal, intelligent people.”
Me: “Wait a minute. This is interesting: You’re saying that the majority of people who visit my site don’t leave any comments at all, which is true. And by not leaving any comments at all, that signals that they are normal?”
Her: “Exactly. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Me: “Yeah, that makes sense. I don’t usually leave comments on people’s sites. And I’m relatively normal. Do you leave comments?”
Her: “Rarely.”
Me: “Wow. Let’s take this a step further. If we apply this model to the greater world, it seems to me that the ramifications are staggering.”
Her: “Go on.”
Me: “Okay, this might sound a little crazy, but, can we conclude, based on this, that maybe, and hear me out on this, but just maybe, most…people, people in the world, are…normal?”
Her: “Wow. I guess we could. My God, I never thought of it that way before. But it actually makes sense.”
Me: “Yeah, wow. But if most people in the world are in fact normal, how have I been left with the distinctly opposite impression for most of my life?”
Her: “I dunno. Maybe because the crazy people are the ones with the loudspeakers and they won’t shut up.”
Me: “I guess. But how did the crazy people get the loudspeakers?”
Her: “Hmm. That doesn’t make sense. How could the normal, intelligent people allow the nutcases to dominate the power of communication that way?”
Me: “I dunno. That’s pretty sad.”
Her: “Yeah, pretty fucking sad.”
— Found on Hipsters are Annoying
He's got a point
If anyone in [My Fair Lady] was gay, it had to be Higgins and Pickering — you’re telling me two single men in their late fifties who live together and enjoy speaking properly and dressing Audrey Hepburn in fabulous outfits aren’t?
— from ‘Will and Grace’ (Thanks to Prairie for sending this to me!)
better a terrorist than a republican
Prairie: in this case, I think it (the profanity in my last post — Michael) was effective and justified, and pretty much exactly what I would like to say to dear old President Bush
Prairie: oh yeah
Prairie: ‘course, I probably wouldn’t get a chance to say it, because I would be being dragged away by the secret service, because if I could get close enough to talk to him I would more likely kick him in the shinMichael: it’d almost be worth it!
Prairie: it would totally be worth it… and if anyone asked, I’d just salute the flag, and say I slipped and hadn’t meant to kick him
Michael: sounds like a good alibi to me Michael: i’ll let you know next time Bush comes through town
Prairie: okay, cool
Prairie buys steel toed boots
Prairie: (and the people secretly monitoring internet conversations have just added me to the list of potential terrorist suspects)Michael: you and me both, I think
Prairie: oh well
Prairie: better a terrorist than a republican
Prairie: at least the terrorists are fighting for a real cause
Solving the problem
\<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
— found on the bash.org Quote Database
The pervert motto
Ross: Rachel won’t open the door.
Phoebe: That’s because you’re a pervert.
Ross: I am not a pervert!
Phoebe: That’s like the pervert motto…they make you put your right hand in the air, your left hand down your pants, and recite that.
— “Friends” (thanks to Prairie, who is brave enough to watch shows like that so I don’t have to!)
Options
Scripting languages have more options than bisexuals….
— John Lim, in “Developing Reliable Software with Scripting Languages”
The article itself is a bit over my head, but that wonderfully choice quote had to be saved. Via The Fuzzyblog.
Giant sea sparrows?
An article on Nov. 10 about animal rights referred erroneously to an island in the Indian Ocean and to events there involving goats and endangered giant sea sparrows that could possibly lead to the killing of goats by environmental groups. Wrightson Island does not exist; both the island and the events are hypothetical figments from a book (also mentioned in the article), “Beginning Again,” by David Ehrenfeld. No giant sea sparrow is known to be endangered by the eating habits of goats.
— Correction in The New York Times, Dec. 15th, 2002 (via Metafilter)
As mr_crash_davis pointed out, “Not ‘No giant sea sparrow is endangered by…’, but ‘No giant sea sparrow is known to be…’, just in case one turns up somewhere.”