Religion

I grew up in a liberal Episcopal household, and though I’m not a terribly active practicer now, religion (of all faiths and denominations) can be an interesting (and at times, infuriating) topic.

Two down, one to go

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The Episcopal Church continues to make progress in becoming more inclusive, as openly gay Bishop-elect Rev. V. Gene Robinson has successfully passed two of the three votes before being elected, and a possible compromise has been reached for a ceremony celebrating same-sex unions. This is wonderful news.

“God is not on a learning curve,” Robinson said. “We, on the other hand, are on the learning curve. God has taught us a lot of things about the full inclusion of people of color, of women, and now of gay and lesbian folk.”

(via D)

Communion on the moon?

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Of all the things I’d heard about the first moon landing, I’d never heard that Buzz Aldrin celebrated communion there.

Aldrin and fellow astronaut Neil Armstrong were watched by millions on television as they stepped from their Apollo 11 module into the Sea of Tranquillity on July 20, 1969, but the first lunar communion was kept under wraps by NASA for two decades until Aldrin wrote about it in a memoir.

It was the first time liquid — wine, representing Christ’s blood — was ever poured on the moon. The specially blessed bread Aldrin consumed — representing Christ’s body — was the first meal eaten by humans on another celestial body.

Just fascinating to know, and it looks like the Anglican church might be getting a special prayer to commemorate the occasion. Nifty.

(via Dad)

The Passion

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Dad sent me a link a few minutes ago to this story on BeliefNet about a new film from Mel Gibson depicting the last days of Christ, which looks to be causing a bit of controversy.

But then, don’t all films about Christ cause controversy — especially before they’re released, when nobody can actually make an informed decision about any aspect of the film? Ugh. But anyway. The uproar at this point seems to be that Gibson has endeavored to create a brutally accurate depiction of the beatings and torture that Jesus went through.

Gibson, who has not yet found a studio to release the film, is a devout Catholic and was determined to show fully the torture and painful death of Jesus.

The creator of the bloody film about William Wallace, Braveheart, has not scrimped on the gore: scene after scene in the trailer, on numerous movie websites, feature a battered and bruised Jesus staggering through the streets of Jerusalem covered in blood.

The film, which cost 15 million pounds and is solely in Aramaic and Latin, has caused controversy in the US, even before a single image has been released.

First off — the film is “solely in Aramaic and Latin”? Wow. That, in itself, is pretty impressive.

The trailer itself (which I’ve mirrored on djwudi.com) looks quite interesting — and not nearly worth the controversy that it’s generating, given the subject matter at hand. I find it amazing and somewhat ridiculous that movie after movie comes out with incredible amounts of blood and gore, with nary a comment (Gibson’s own Braveheart won a multitude of awards, and it had some of the most violent battles I’d seen on screen), yet when someone dares to show the crucifixion without prettying it up, people get all up in arms.

Now, if the movie comes out and turns out to be theologically reprehensible, then people might have something to complain about. However, I doubt that that’s going to be the case, given Gibson’s well-documented devout Catholic views. It remains to be seen whether it will be groundbreaking in any way aside from not flinching away from the abuse that Jesus took, but I don’t think that Gibson is suddenly going to turn blasphemer.

For a good look at what Jesus had to endure, take a look at this article from the Blue Letter Bible site, “Medical Aspects of the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ“. I used to have this article (or one very similar to it) on my computer, and it’s a fascinating document.

Lastly, one caveat about the trailer that I did notice, and bothers me a little bit if Gibson was going for accuracy in his portrayal of the crucifixion. Jesus is shown being nailed to the cross through his palms. While this is a very popular depiction, it’s very medically unsound. From the above linked article (emphasis mine):

The patibulum was put on the ground and the victim laid upon it. Nails, about 7 inches long and with a diameter of 1 cm (roughly 3/8 of an inch) were driven in the wrists. The points would go into the vicinity of the median nerve, causing shocks of pain to radiate through the arms. It was possible to place the nails between the bones so that no fractures (or broken bones) occurred. Studies have shown that nails were probably driven through the small bones of the wrist, since nails in the palms of the hand would not support the weight of a body. In ancient terminology, the wrist was considered to be part of the hand.

Ah, well. The movie’s due to be released next Easter, so we’re not likely to find out much more about how good it actually is until then. Aside from the one gaffe of the placement of the nails, though, it definitely looks interesting, and I’m looking forward to finding out more about it.

Episcopal Church elects first gay bishop

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Excellent news this morning — the New Hampshire Episcopal Church has elected the nations first openly gay bishop!

The selection of the Rev. V. Gene Robinson, 56, who was chosen over three other candidates in voting by New Hampshire clergy and lay Episcopalians, is still subject to confirmation next month by the church’s national General Convention.

The confirmation is likely to be a heated battle with international implications. Robinson drew opposition from many in the Anglican community worldwide.

After the election, Robinson told his supporters to be gentle with those who disagreed with their decision.

“We will show the world how to be a Christian community,” he said. “I plan to be a good bishop, not a gay bishop.”

This is wonderful to hear, and makes me quite glad to have been brought up as part of the Episcopal Church. Many congratulations to Bishop-elect Robinson!

(via D)

Patron Saint of…

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There’s a good chance that dad knows that Francis Xavier is the patron saint of the archdiocese of Indianapolis, Indiana. He might even know that Therese of Lisieux is the patron saint of the diocese of Fairbanks, Alaska.

But I’d bet that even Dad would be hard pressed to come up with the patron saint of goitres (Blaise), the fear of night (Giles), or sheep (Drogo).

And if that’s not enough, the Patron Saints Index has many, many, many more.

(via MeFi)

Water for the worthy

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I held off on posting about this story on the hope that it was nothing more than urban legend, but it appears that it’s true.

First, the story itself: Apparently Army Chaplain Josh Llano has somehow managed to finagle control of 500 gallons of washing water, but it only allowing soldiers to bathe if they first agree to be baptised by him.

”It’s simple. They want water. I have it, as long as they agree to get baptized,” he said.

And agree they do. Every day, soldiers take the plunge for the Lord and come up clean for the first time in weeks.

”They do appear physically and spiritually cleansed,” Llano said.

First, though, the soldiers have to go to one of Llano’s hour-and-a-half sermons in his dirt-floor tent. Then the baptism takes an hour of quoting from the Bible.

Extortion, clear and simple. Disgusting, offensive, opportunistic extortion.

Thankfully, this story got enough people up in arms as it made its way around the internet, that the Army is now launching an investigation:

A chaplain from Houston assigned to the Army V Corps support unit in Iraq is now the focus of an Army inquiry for his practice of offering soldiers a dip into his 500-gallon pool if they agree to be baptized.

[…]

[Lt. Col. Eric] Wester said, “As I’ve read the article and discussed with other chaplains, the implication of the story is this was a kind of situation of coercion or bribery.”

There’s a part of me that is still holding out hope that this is merely wartime legend blown out of control. However, if it’s not, this guy needs to get busted. Hard.

(via Charles Kuffner, via Atrios)

On your knees, part II

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From ABC News:

They may be the ones facing danger on the battlefield, but US soldiers in Iraq are being asked to pray for President George W Bush.

Thousands of marines have been given a pamphlet called “A Christian’s Duty,” a mini prayer book which includes a tear-out section to be mailed to the White House pledging the soldier who sends it in has been praying for Bush.

Good thing we only let good Christian boys into our Army…

…oh, forget it. You get the point.

(Via Tom Tomorrow)

On your knees!

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Gee, it’s a good thing that I live in a country that’s filled to the brim with nothing but one hundred percent, across the board, no exceptions, God-fearing Christians. Because if I actually had the misfortune to live in some backwards heathen country that had the gall to admit all those poor souls doomed to everlasting hellfire and damnnation — because of their refusal to let the word of the One True God our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ into their lives — within the borders of the country, why, one or two of them might get a little upset that our Congress has created a government-mandated day of humility, prayer and fasting.

Then they’d just start whining on and on about that silly “separation of Church and State” business that some Godless heathens snuck into the Constitution. Thank goodness our God-given President, President George W. Bush (bless his soul) has seen fit to do away with all that sillyness! It never should have been there in the first place, if you ask me!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find my sackcloth-and-horsehair robe and my flagellation rods to get ready. See you all at church!

(via Kirsten)

It came from Outer Faith

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Dad sent me this great little quiz from Beliefnet — It came from Outer Faith.

Though no one’s yet written a book on how to convert aliens, some religions do accept the idea of extraterrestrial intelligence. Find out how much you know about the intersection of faith and sci-fi.

I got seven out of ten when I took it, missing just questions five, seven, and eight. Not too bad, I think!

By the infinite dick of God

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I first found this on the ‘net ages ago, and used to have a copy somewhere on my hard drive. I’d forgotten about it for a long time, then the phrase “by the infinite dick of God” popped into my head tonight, and I decided to search this out and preserve it for posterity. Enjoy.

I am forever astonished by how many mistakes could be avoided if people would just think about what they are saying. This is especially the case in religion. An example of this is the assumption that God is male. Obviously God is a woman, because God doesn’t have a penis. The proof of this is by omission: nowhere in the Bible is there a reference to the “Divine Penis,” and I am sure that if God were a man He would talk about it somewhere. No real man could go on for hundreds of pages about himself without mentioning that thing once or twice.

Upon remarking on the above observation, I was notified by someone that he heard the oath “by the infinite dick of God” around Caltech, though “semi-infinite” would be more precise. Unfortunately, this further muddles the issue. I am thankful that the ancient theologians did not realize this point, otherwise they would have wasted much time in debating this actually nonexistent part of God. I can see it all now…

During the fall of Rome, St. Augustine referred to “God’s mighty male member, wider than the Coliseum, more powerful than Zeus’s tool, able to take Athena in a single bound.” Then in the middle ages, Thomas Aquinas, in an attempt to reconcile St. Augustine’s remark with the rediscovered writings of Zeno, declared that the length of God’s immense organ must be semi-infinite. But then Rene Descartes, after spending a lifetime in philosophical thought, stated that since God is greater than that which can be conceived, God’s measureless masculinity must be truly infinite, because an infinite length is much longer (in fact, infinitely longer) than a semi-infinite length.

However, the followers of Aquinas immediatedly countered with a simple argument: “If God’s tree is infinite, then what holds it up? Certainly one end of God’s tremendous tree must be firmly rooted in his loins.” Also, a minor philosopher (whose name I forget, but who liked perfect islands) argued “If God’s monument to life were infinite then there must be a fig leaf whose extent is also infinite. But then there is something infinite that is not part of God, which contradicts the assumption that God is the greatest. The only solution is that God’s rod must be semi-infinite, so that He can hide it by turning His back to the world and looking over His shoulder.”

Since both sides had such valid points, for a while the discussion reached a stalemate.

Then the great German philosopher Hegel attempted to reconcile the issue with his sword-plowshare theory, where he proposed that the infinite and semi-infinite are actually two manifestations of the same thing. Though it seemed impossible, Hegel claimed that God does occasionally beat His infinite sword into a semi-infinite plowshare. This theory gained great popularity, but it didn’t really solve anything primarily because no one could understand it.

Some time afterwards, the rise of non-Euclidian geometry seemed to favor the Cartesians when it showed that God’s wondrous worm could be infinite in this dimension, yet be attached to Him in a higher dimension. However this solution was not totally satisfactory either, because then there isn’t a preferred direction to God’s protrusion in this dimension.

The answer to the debate had to wait till the beginning of the 20th century, when Georg Cantor, attempting to cope with his strict religious upbringing, proved that a semi-infinite member is just as long as an infinite member; therefore God’s member may be semi-infinite and yet be no shorter than an infinite member. Cantor’s colleagues ridiculed him by showing that his theorems also proved that a finite real dimension is commensurable with an infinite one, suggesting that anyone’s piddling plow is just as long as God’s prodigious pecker.

This paradox was solved only with the advent of quantum theory, which demonstrated that the real world corresponds to the set of integers rather than the set of reals. In that case Cantor’s theory showed that the finite phallus was infact infinitely shorter than the infinite one, though the theory still retained the property of the commensurability between the infinite and the semi-infinite. So today mathematicians agree that Cantor was correct, finally and conclusively demolishing the central argument of the Cartesian theory.

Thus we see that if St. Augustine had thought about the nature of God’s member, only after several centuries of the application of logic and mathematics and physics would a definite answer be reached. And even then the answer would be wrong, because the very basis of the argument is nonexistent. For the reason described at the beginning of this treatise, we the faithful know that by simply examining the Word of God it is obvious that any discussion in this area is meaningless, since God hath no member.

— Robert Mokry