The Two Towers

MiddleEarth mania, week two: The Two Towers

by

And speaking of LotR, I just realized that I’d completely forgotten to say anything about seeing LotR:TTTEE at the Cinerama on Saturday.

As we’d done the week before, Prairie and I started by wandering downtown for some food (stopping by the Red Robin at the waterfront this week), then working our way up to the Cinerama in time to stand in line for the show. The weather wasn’t nearly as nice this week as it had been the week prior, instead treating us to wind and rain — typical Seattle winter, really, so we didn’t complain much. We did, however, stop off at Bed Bath and Beyond to pick me up a decent umbrella, and took a quick swing through Starbucks to get two large Caramel Apple Ciders.

Yes, yes, I know — friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks. But not being a coffee drinker, I didn’t get the coffee, and their Caramel Apple Ciders are truly wondrous things. So there. ;)

So, cider in hand, we wandered over to the Cinerama to start waiting for the show. When we got there, there were only two people in the line, so we elected to wait under the overhang of the building until the line started to grow. Once the line hit about ten people, we figured that was as long as we wanted it to get before jumping in — up went the umbrella, and we staked out our spot.

The next hour or so was spent attempting to stay warm and dry, and chatting with the people around us in line. The group behind us had planned a needed dental trip to Seattle to coincide with the show, and just behind them were a small group of three girls who had brought a tarp to stand underneath. Fortuitously enough, the Cinerama apparently keeps a small stash of umbrellas around for such occasions, and an employee soon came out to distribute umbrellas along the line for those who didn’t have them, provoking great glee from the group of girls when one of them got a frilly purple umbrella to use.

Eventually, we all made it in. This week was a little more exciting for Prairie and I — last week, we’d each already seen the Extended Edition of The Fellowship of the Ring on DVD, so the novelty was primarily in seeing it on the big screen. This week, while I’d already broken down and watched the Extended Edition of The Two Towers on DVD (I couldn’t wait!), Prairie had not, so much of the movie was entirely new to her (and she loved it).

Apparently, she wasn’t the only audience member who’d held out on seeing the “new bits” until they could see it in the theater. The audience for the show was great — gasping, laughing, and often applauding throughout the film. Legolas got two rounds of applause (for his vault onto the horse during the warg attack and the love-it-or-hate-it shield ride down the stairs [for the record, I think it’s goofy and a bit unnecessary, but not something I’m going to raise a huge fuss about, either]), Gandalf’s appearance at the top of the hill at the end of the battle at Helm’s Deep prompted another surge of applause, and there were a few more here and there.

The new/extended scenes got their fair share of appreciative laughs, too — especially Merry and Pippin drinking the Ent Draught in Fangorn Forest, and later discovering the larder (complete with two barrels of pipeweed) after the siege of Orthanc.

And that was that — two down, one to go. This upcoming Saturday at 7:45pm, we’ll be settling comfortably into our seats to watch the end of the trilogy. Finally!

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Special Extended Edition)

by

One of the many reasons I didn’t post much last week (along with training for my new job, which had my schedule bouncing all over the place — when you’re used to getting up between 9:30 and 10:00 am every day, 6:30am is really early) was that I picked up the newly-released Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Special Extended DVD Edition).

First off, and most simply, if you’re a fan of the series, there’s no question about it. This is a must-buy DVD (as is, incidentally, the extended edition of Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring). Feel free to stop reading this and just go buy it.

I haven’t even gotten into any of the special features (and there are a ton to get through) yet. All I’ve done so far is watch the new cut of the film itself, and the new cut is incredible. Around 40 minutes has been added to the movie, bringing the total run time up to a whopping 223 minutes — almost four full hours. Lest this sound like overkill, rest assured that the pacing of the movie doesn’t suffer in any way, and it only helps expand and enhance the full story. The insertions are scattered throughout the film, from quick cuts here and there that expand already-existing scenes, to entire sequences that had to be cut from the theatrical version. Every major character (and most of the minor characters) have additional bits added which do wonders for fleshing all of them out. What may be the two biggest additions (for me, at least) were a flashback sequence between Boromir, Faramir and their father Denethor which helps to flesh out their backstory (and explain why Faramir doesn’t come across as “perfect” in the films as he does in the books); and in a nod to the excising of Tom Bombadil from LotR:TFotR, the inclusion of Old Man Willow!

As was the case with LotR:TFotR, the extended edition of LotR:TTT is a far superior film (not that the theatrical release was bad at all — this version is just better). Much as I understand why they couldn’t release movies of this length to the theaters, it’s really a pity. I’m just glad that there will be limited releases of the extended versions of LotR:TFotR and LotR:TTT at the Seattle Cinerama just before LotR:TRotK is released (and that I’ve already got my tickets)!

For those of you that already have the set:

  1. Pop in Disc 1 (part one of the movie).
  2. Go to the last page of the Scene Selections.
  3. Go down to the last scene on Disc 1 (“Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit”).
  4. Press down once more, to highlight a hidden Ring.
  5. Press play.

Gollum on MTV

Dec. 16: LOTR Marathon

by

It’s official: the Lord of the Rings Marathon will be at the Seattle Cinerama on Dec. 16th.

Leading up to the December 17 release of The Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King, the final film Peter Jackson’s epic trilogy, New Line Cinema will bring moviegoers an exclusive, One-time-only in-theater event: The Lord of the Rings Special Extended Edition Screening Engagement.

The schedule for this special theatrical screening series is as follows:

December 5-11
Special Extended Edition The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
December 12-15
Special Extended Edition The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Tuesday, December 16
One-time-only marathon of both the Extended Edition prints followed by the first screenings of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.

Tickets available October 9th!

Now comes the question — am I crazy enough to do this? I think so…

Ten-minute Two Towers

by

A hilarious parody of the movie version of The Two Towers. Many thanks to d kitty for posting this!

The Ten-Minute Two Towers

Author: Molly J. Ringwraith (a.k.a. Molly Winter, Molly J. Ringle….)

Rating: PG-13

Summary: A somewhat condensed parody version of the film ‘The Two Towers.’

Disclaimer: The Tolkien characters are not of my creation.

Author’s notes: Feel free to send this to your friends, but please keep my name on it! If you want to include it in some official or semi-official publication (webzine, newsletter, periodical, press package, what have you), then please contact me first, because I think I might be entitled to a cut of the profits or something. ;)

Also: I loved this movie. Deeply, truly. Please keep that on record. But I have to write parody for everything, so here goes….

CARADHRAS

GANDALF: Isn’t it odd how we fell for about three miles, and yet we ended up on top of a mountain?

BALROG: Who cares. It’s freaking cold up here. I give up.

GANDALF: Cool. I think I’ll go buy myself something white. White is supposed to be the new black this year…

EMYN MUIL

SAM and FRODO are sitting together on a rock. SAM stretches, and drops his arm around FRODO’s shoulders.

SAM: So, sir. Finally it’s just you and me.

FRODO: “Finally”? What do you mean?

SAM: Oh, uh…nothing…

FRODO: Well, you’re wrong. We’ve got company.

GOLLUM flies out of the rocks and pounces on FRODO.

SAM: Hey! Wait your turn!

SAM and FRODO tie up GOLLUM.

GOLLUM: No! Smeagol not into ropes, nassty kinky hobbitses.

FRODO: We just want you to take us to Mordor, you sicko.

GOLLUM: Mordor? Hobbitses having little Goth phase, maybe? Very angsssty, wanting to go to Mordor, yes yes. Can Smeagol offer black eyeliner to angsssty hobbitses?

SAM: You stop talking to Mr. — hmm. (to FRODO) You know, you wouldn’t look half bad in eyeliner.

RIDDERMARK

EOMER: Hi! Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this one. An elf, a man, and a dwarf walk into the Riddermark…

LEGOLAS: Ooh! And the elf shoots arrows through this git who rides up on a horse. Yeah, I have heard it! That’s one of my favorites.

ARAGORN: Down, Legolas. Hey, have you folks seen a couple little guys, about this high…?

EOMER: Nope. Oh! Unless they were in that pile of corpses we burned.

ARAGORN: Thank you; that’s…useful…

EOMER: Yeah; my bad. Here, have some horses.

FANGORN FOREST

MERRY: Yay! We escaped the Uruk-hai!

PIPPIN: Uh, Merry? That tree is checking you out.

TREEBEARD: Hoom! Furry lawn ornaments!

TREEBEARD picks up MERRY and PIPPIN and carts them off.

FANGORN FOREST (next day)

GANDALF: Hey, kids. Miss me?

ARAGORN: Gandalf! You’re alive!

LEGOLAS: I almost had a facial expression from the joy of it!

EDORAS

MOLLY: A lot of political maneuvering takes place here. Let’s see if I can summarize in ten lines or less.

THEODEN: I have ash all over my face and cannot speak for myself.

GRIMA: That’s the way I like it.

GANDALF: Be blinded by my new robes! Recover your smooth complexion and your senses!

THEODEN: Hurrah! I am me again! But, damn, my son’s dead.

GRIMA: Hmm. I better run.

ARAGORN: Good work, sire. Now collect your people and skedaddle to Helm’s Deep.

EOWYN: Hal-lo, handsome!

ARAGORN: Hi. You handle pointy things very well.

EOWYN: Yes. My only fear is dying a virgin. Hint, hint.

ARAGORN: Okay! Well, let’s move along.

EN ROUTE TO HELM’S DEEP

LEGOLAS: Wargs!

LEGOLAS and other warriors start slinging arrows and jumping onto horses.

GIMLI: What was that God-awful noise?

LEGOLAS: I’m guessing…wargs dying.

ARAGORN: Actually, it was Legolas’s fangirl contingent, shrieking in delight at his horseback-riding tricks.

GIMLI: Ugh, that’s sickening. Ooh, Aragorn, watch out! Cliff!

ARAGORN falls off cliff.

LEGOLAS: No! This is unbearable! I almost had another facial expression!

ITHILIEN

SAM: Gollum is such a freak.

FRODO: Yeah, well, you’re a jerk.

SAM: What? He is a freak.

FRODO: Whatever, Sam. Want some cheese with your whine?

SAM: Why are you picking on me?

FRODO: I’m so sick of listening to you. It’s always nag, nag, nag. I didn’t ask you to come along, you know.

SAM: What the hell?

FRODO: Shut up. Screw you. Go away.

SAM: What happened to the magic, Mr. Frodo? We used to stay up till dawn, laughing, talking, sharing…

FRODO: Oh, spare me.

FRODO stomps off.

RIVENDELL

ARAGORN finds himself in RIVENDELL with ARWEN lying on top of him.

ARAGORN: Hmm. This must be a dream.

ARWEN: Why do you say that?

ARAGORN: Because you’re not even supposed to be in this book.

ARWEN: Don’t be mean. I’ll tell Daddy.

ARAGORN: Whatever. Wake me up, would you? Since it’s not really you licking my face, I have the awful suspicion it’s a horse. Or maybe Gimli.

HELM’S DEEP

ARAGORN arrives and collides with LEGOLAS.

LEGOLAS: Oh, good heavens. You look terrible. You are not wearing that to the battle tonight, are you? And your hair! What will we do with you?

ARAGORN: Nice to see you, too.

RIVENDELL

GALADRIEL: Hello? Is this Elrond?

ELROND: Yes, speaking.

GALADRIEL: Hi Elrond; it’s Galadriel.

ELROND: Hey, girl. Where are you?

GALADRIEL: In Lothlorien; where else would I be? Listen, I really wanted to talk to you about Frodo.

ELROND: Yeah, I’ve been wondering about him lately.

GALADRIEL: He and Aragorn have so much stuff to do.

ELROND: I know! And Aragorn’s being such a wiener, I’m not even sure I want him to marry my daughter…

GALADRIEL: Did you see his hair the other week? Hello, greaseball.

ELROND: And does he, like, only have that one shirt? Humans are so gross. Hang on; I’m getting another telepathy call.

GANDALF: Hello? Hello? Elrond?

GALADRIEL: Gandalf? Is that you?

ELROND: Gandalf! Hey buddy!

GANDALF: Do you have me on three-way telepathy calling? I hate that.

ELROND: Yeah, sorry. I was talking to Galadriel. Hey, didn’t you die or something?

GANDALF: No, you twit. Now quit gossiping and listen. There’s a war about to start at Helm’s Deep.

GALADRIEL: Yeah, and?

GANDALF: And they need your help, moron.

GALADRIEL: (exaggerated sigh) Fine, whatever. I’ll send Haldir or something. He’s expendable.

HELM’S DEEP

LEGOLAS: This is going to be most unpleasant. Hundreds of people will die.

ARAGORN: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

LEGOLAS: You’re just jealous because I’m pretty.

ARAGORN: You’re just jealous because I’m going to be king.

LEGOLAS: You can bite my ass.

ARAGORN: Hey, blow me.

(Ten minutes later)

LEGOLAS: I didn’t mean that.

ARAGORN: It’s okay. Me neither.

LEGOLAS: Kiss and make up?

ARAGORN: How about I squeeze your shoulder in a very special way?

FANGORN FOREST

PIPPIN: So we’re still riding on this tree bloke’s shoulders…

MERRY: Uh-huh. I have splinters in places you don’t even want to imagine.

ITHILIEN

SAM seasons their rabbit stew as GOLLUM watches.

GOLLUM: Ssstupid fat hobbit! Using sage in stew like thisss!

SAM: What’s your problem? Sage brings out the flavor.

GOLLUM: Smeagol would use nice mix of rosemary and lavender, yess, precious.

FRODO: Hey, you guys? Something’s out there in the forest.

SAM: Rosemary? Hm, maybe. But you know what would be good with this, is a basic bechamel sauce with some dill.

GOLLUM: Sssimple hobbit; anyone makesss bechamel. Vichyssoise much tastier and more difficult; yes…

FRODO: Hello? Guys? Seriously, someone’s coming.

SAM: Now, if you only found us some eggs, I could make crepes, wrap up the meat, drizzle the juices over it with a little bit of blackcurrant chutney…

FRODO: Hey, you guys, look! It’s Martha Stewart!

GOLLUM: Where?

SAM: Where?

FRODO: Now that I have your attention, may I point out the Oliphaunt that’s about to step on us?

FARAMIR: Look! Strange little men! Let’s take them home.

FARAMIR blindfolds SAM and FRODO and hauls them away.

HELM’S DEEP

ROHIRRIM GUARD: Sire, there are some really femmy people at the gate. They have bows.

ARAGORN: Those are Elves. Let them in.

ROHIRRIM GUARD: Oh! Elves! Wow, I didn’t expect that.

PEOPLE WHO READ THE BOOK: Neither did I…

GIMLI: Arr! I’m funny because I’m short.

LEGOLAS: I’m funny because I make fun of how short you are!

HENNETH ANNUN

FARAMIR: So, who are you, exactly?

FRODO: I’m Frodo. This is Sam.

FARAMIR: Your…image consultant?

SAM: His gardener.

FARAMIR: Ohh, like in a ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’ kind of way?

SAM: Exactly.

FRODO: Righ—What??

HELM’S DEEP

ARAGORN: This siege is lasting forever. These poor people…

LEGOLAS: We will fight to the death. We will not fail you.

ARAGORN: Oh, not you guys — I meant the audience.

GIMLI: Aragorn! Toss me!

ARAGORN: Um, is this really the time?

GIMLI: Yes! Toss me!

ARAGORN: Look, I don’t think about you that way…

GIMLI: No, you freak, throw me onto the Orcs!

FANGORN FOREST

TREEBEARD: We have opted, hoom, not to do a damn thing.

PIPPIN: I didn’t expect that.

PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: Neither did I…

MERRY: Don’t you even care? This is your planet too!

PIPPIN: You’re very handsome when you yell at trees, Merry.

MERRY: Am I? Thanks.

TREEBEARD: Hoom, don’t care. Taking you home.

PIPPIN: (to MERRY) Wait! I know. I’ll bat my eyelashes at him.

MERRY: Good plan. I know I sure can’t resist you when you do that. (winks at PIPPIN)

PIPPIN: (to TREEBEARD) Mr. Tree, sir, could you take us south, pleeeease?

TREEBEARD: Ooom…Damn it, hoom…how can I say no to those eyes.

OSGILIATH

FRODO puts on some black eyeliner, climbs to the top of a ruined building, and holds up the Ring. SAM pounces him and brings him tumbling down the stairs.

FRODO: Ow! Hey! That’s it — this time I’m cutting your throat.

SAM: But Mr. Frodo…I was saving the world…you were going to give the Ring to that Nazgul…

FRODO: No, I wasn’t. I was doing a lightning experiment.

SAM: Well, that’s pretty stupid too, now isn’t it.

FRODO: Hmm. I suppose so. Sorry, dude.

FRODO puts down the sword. SAM gets up and starts a speech.

SAM: There are good things in the world. And that’s what we’re protecting. And up there, it’s their time, but down here, it’s our time…

ISENGARD

TREEBEARD finds a field of stumps near SARUMAN’s place.

TREEBEARD: What the bloody…Ents! Attack!

MERRY: Once again, Pippin’s wily eyelashes save the world.

PIPPIN: Aww, you’re just saying that.

SAM (V.O.): …and I have a dream that my eighteen children will one day live in a Shire where they will not be judged by the color of their teeth but by the content of their character…

HELM’S DEEP

GANDALF and EOMER and a few thousand ROHIRRIM come charging down and wipe out the rest of the ORC army. EOWYN and ARAGORN and LEGOLAS and GIMLI and THEODEN all cheer.

ARAGORN: Gandalf, finally!

GANDALF: Yes, my boy, I have come back.

ARAGORN: Took you freaking long enough.

SAM (V.O.): The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced…

FRODO (V.O.): Um…Sam…

ARAGORN: You know what would have been really cool, though…

EOWYN: What?

ARAGORN: An army of flesh-eating trees to destroy the Orcs who are running away.

AUDIENCE: Yeah, that would have been cool.

ISENGARD

TREEBEARD: Hey. We’re busy flooding Isengard here. We can’t be two places at once.

OSGILIATH

SAM: …let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to —

FRODO: Sam!!

SAM: What?

FRODO: They’re letting us go. Come on.

SAM: Oh. Oh, good.

EN ROUTE TO MORDOR

SAM: They’re going to tell stories about you. Frodo the Incredibly Cute.

FRODO: Ordinarily I would tell you to stop hitting on me, but you’ve saved my life so many times now, I guess I’ll settle for being uncomfortably flattered.

SAM: Cool. Oh, and by the way?

FRODO: Yes?

SAM: The tortured look really does work for you. Very hot.

FRODO: Aww, thanks. You deserve a special shoulder-squeeze for that.

SAM: Did you learn that move from Aragorn?

FRODO: Yeah. You like it…?

GOLLUM: (mumble, mumble)…Kill…(mumble)…death to hobbits…(mumble mumble)…feed them to her…(mumble, mumble)…pain, suffering…(mumble)…make them cry…(mumble)…kill hobbitses…(mumble)…she will destroy hobbitses…

PEOPLE WHO HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK: (loudly) “She?” Did he say “she”, and “her”? Who’s “she?”

PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: Shut up!

The Two Towers

by

Just got back from seeing Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

Oh my lord.

At this point, if Peter Jackson doesn’t get some sort of special achievement Oscar after Return of the King is released, I’ll be quite surprised and dissapointed. Fellowship of the Ring was an excellent film, and a masterful job of adapting what was for years considered an “unfilmable” literary work to the screen — but the possibility was there that that could have been a fluke. Here, Jackson had the task of following up the blockbuster success of LotR:FotR with a “middle movie” that had neither a definite beginning nor end to its story. While because of that LotR:TTT admittedly cannot stand entirely on its own as a single entity (and I would hate to be someone in the unenviable position of attempting to watch LotR:TTT without having first watched LotR:FotR), as the second chapter in an epic saga, it is far and away an absolutely incredible achievement.

More thoughts follow — not entirely spoiler-free, though, click through at your own risk….

Read more

Two Towers protest

by

This just might be the single stupidest thing I’ve seen in a very long time. A group of people have put up a website protesting the title of the next Lord of the Rings movie, “The Two Towers”, because, “The name of this movie will undoubtedly cause a return of the emotions felt on Sept 11th which left so many people in the nation feeling stunned and in a state of shock.”

From their FAQ:

The movie is intentionally being named The Two Towers in order to capitalize on the tragedy of September 11. Clearly, you cannot deny the fact that this falls under hate speech. We believe that if they will not willingly change the name, the government should step in to stop the movie’s production or to force a name change.

Just amazing.