Baby shit green

This entry was published at least two years ago (originally posted on August 22, 2003). Since that time the information may have become outdated or my beliefs may have changed (in general, assume a more open and liberal current viewpoint). A fuller disclaimer is available.

Browsing through Wil’s site today, a section of this post caught my eye.

…and Nolan said, “Jeebus!” about something. Ryan said, “Nolan! Don’t steal my word! Mom! Wil! Nolan stole my word!”

“Ryan,” I said, “Nolan didn’t steal your word. ‘Jeebus’ belongs to everyone. It’s the word that’s sweeping the nation.”

“How come you don’t say it, then?” he asked, challenging.

“Because I would rather say ‘Fuck.'” I said.

Okay, I didn’t really say that. But wouldn’t it have been cool if I did? You ever unload an F-bomb on a teenager? It’s worth it just to see that look of shock and horror that passes their face, followed by the pause where they try to decide if they can get away with cussing because you just did.

And Ryan, if you’re reading this, no. You may not.

As a rule, my family doesn’t curse much — there are far too many effective words in the english language for all sorts of circumstances to limit yourself to the standard overused four-letter vocabulary. Sure, as a teenager, I could curse up a storm with the best of them, and even now I have my moments, but it’s not a necessary component to my vocabulary.

One day while I was a teen, Mom and I were driving around Anchorage. I have no idea where we were going, what we were doing, or even how old I was, but I’d guess around 13 or 14 or so. At some point during our travels, we saw a car painted the most hideous shade of 1970’s era not-quite-advocado green.

“Wow,” I said, and pointed it out. “That’s got to be the ugliest color car I’ve ever seen!”

“Yeah,” Mom agreed. “A beautiful shade of baby shit green.”

Dead silence.

What?!?

I’d never heard Mom curse before. Up until that point, I don’t think I really knew it was possible. Mothers don’t do that! They’re sweet, and nice, and kiss skinned knees after you fall down, and tell you not to ride your bike out of the boundaries of the neighborhood — but they don’t describe cars as “baby shit green!”

Okay, maybe they do. Not often. But they do. And I’ve never, ever forgotten that.

7 thoughts on “Baby shit green”

  1. i always meant to apologize for swearing that one time a few weeks ago in your comments. i rarely swear out loud and don’t do it very often when writing, either, but sometimes the Bushies and the right just make me so mad that conventional words fail me.

    so, sorry about the bad word before. it was the first and only time i used that particular one. won’t happen again, especially not on other people’s blogs.

  2. I have a similar incident.

    I was younger then you were, I think maybe 8 or 9. My father was pissed off at a driver in front of us. He got so mad and stuck up his middle finger, and then said something a long the lines of, “Get the fuck out of the way.”

    Now, at almost 26 that doesn’t seem like such a big deal but. At the time I remember asking my Dad what “fuck” meant and he gave me some lame excuse about it being a word that adults use while they are driving. sigh to be young and innocent again.

  3. swearing is a curse brought upon us by the hand of satan
    these incidents happen so frequently with me…
    why do the good swear young?

Comments are closed.