You won’t succeed on Broadway if you don’t have any Jews!

SpamalotI spent most of the first part of my morning in tears today — because I couldn’t stop laughing. Last night I noticed that the iTunes Music Store had the Broadway cast soundtrack to Spamalot. Of course, that was a no-brainer impulse buy.

So far I’ve only listened to it once straight through, and that was while working, so I didn’t catch quite everything, but it’s hilarious.

The show, of course, is “(lovingly) ripped off from the motion picture Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” and much of the best-loved elements from the movie are in the show, along with a few other bits and pieces from the Python canon (including ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life‘, and even the fish slapping dance).

Some of the best parts that I’ve found so far, though, are lampooning Broadway itself, with two obvious standout tracks.

The first is ‘You Won’t Succeed on Broadway‘, which points out that there’s no way for any show to be a hit unless there’s a Jew in the story. It all starts (as I’ve found thanks to a few reviews) after Arthur and his knights are given a task by the mighty Knights of Ni: they must open a hit Broadway show.

Arthur: Have you heard of this…’Broadway?’

Robin: Yes sir, but we don’t stand a chance there.

Arthur: Why not?

Robin: Because! Broadway is a very special place, filled with very special people. People who can sing, and dance — often at the same time! They are a different people, a multitalented people, a people who need people, and who are in many ways the luckiest people in the world. I’m sorry sire. We don’t have a chance.

Arthur: But why?

Robin: Well…let me put it like this…

In any great adventure
if you don’t want to lose,
Victory depends upon
the people that you choose.
So listen Arthur, darling,
closely to this news —
We won’t succeed on Broadway
if we don’t have any Jews!

The second, and so far my favorite piece from the soundtrack, is ‘The Song that Goes Like This,’ a deliciously perfect sendup of the über-schmaltzy headlining track in far too many modern Broadway shows, most notoriously those of Andrew Lloyd Webber (apparently, this song is sung in a boat surrounded by candles as a chandelier descends from the ceiling…sound familiar to anyone?).

Lancelot: Once in every show,
there comes a song like this,
it starts off nice and slow,
and ends up with a kiss.
Oh, well. Here’s the song
that goes like this.
Where is it? Where? Where?

Lady of the Lake: A sentimental song,
it casts a magic spell,
They only hum along,
we’ll overact like hell.
Oh this! Is the song
that goes like this.

Both: Yes it is. / Yes it is! / Yes it is! / Oh yes it is!

Lancelot: Now we can go straight
into the middle eight,
a bridge
that is too far for me.

Lady of the Lake: I’ll sing it in your face,
while we both embrace.

Both: And then!
We change the key!

And it just goes on…it’s wonderful.

Pick it up from the iTMS, or if you’re partial to physical media, from Amazon. It’s well worth adding to your collection.

iTunesDiva’s Lament (What Ever Happened to My Part?)” by Ramirez, Sara from the album Spamalot (Original Broadway Cast) (2005, 2:32).

Microsoft reconsiders, supports anti-discrimination laws

Via Scoble, Ballmer’s e-mail announcing Microsoft’s re-committing to support anti-discrimination legislation covering sexual orientation.

After looking at the question from all sides, I’ve concluded that diversity in the workplace is such an important issue for our business that it should be included in our legislative agenda. Since our beginning nearly 30 years ago, Microsoft has had a strong business interest in recruiting and retaining the best and brightest and most diverse workforce possible. I’m proud of Microsoft’s commitment to non-discrimination in our internal policies and benefits, but our policies can’t cover the range of housing, education, financial and similar services that our people and their partners and families need. Therefore, it’s appropriate for the company to support legislation that will promote and protect diversity in the workplace.

Accordingly, Microsoft will continue to join other leading companies in supporting federal legislation that would prohibit employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation – adding sexual orientation to the existing law that already covers race, sex, national origin, religion, age and disability. Given the importance of diversity to our business, it is appropriate for the company to endorse legislation that prohibits employment discrimination on all of these grounds. Obviously, the Washington State legislative session has concluded for this year, but if legislation similar to HB 1515 is introduced in future sessions, we will support it.

Good to see.

Update: Here’s the Seattle Times’ story.

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Prairie and I went to see The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy last weekend, on opening night at the Cinerama. The perfect time to go, as far as I’m concerned. A gorgeous theatre, and lots of excited fans looking forward to seeing the show — including a few who showed up dressed for the occasion in bathrobe and with towel slung over their shoulder.

I’ve been perusing various reviews since then, and it’s been interesting to see the reactions. I haven’t seen many people who were entirely disappointed, but I haven’t seen many people head-over-heels in love with it, either. Most of the consensus seems to be that they did an acceptable job in translating the book to film.

For my part, I had a blast. It wasn’t perfect, but I thought it was quite enjoyable, and a reasonably good attempt at putting Douglas Adams‘ particular brand of absurdity on screen.

While I could point out a few things that bothered me a bit (Sam Rockwell as Zaphod, for instance, came across more as annoyingly-annoying rather than insanely-egotistically-cool-annoying-but-still-a-hoopy-frood) and a whole list of things that I was thrilled to see (the BBC TV series Marvin in line on Vogosphere, or the entrance to the Magraethea factory floor), there was one particular standout point for me.

In a movie that was cast fairly well overall — Mos Def as Ford and Martin Freeman Arthur were both good, Zooey Deschanel as Trillian is really cute, and I loved Alan Rickman as Marvin’s voice — far and away the single best piece of casting was Bill Nighy as Slartibartfast. He was, to my mind, jaw-droppingly perfect. While I don’t think any of the other actors will replace the mental images I’ve had in my head for years from reading the books, as far as I’m concerned, this was as if Slartibartfast was plucked whole from the pages and put on screen. Absolutely brilliant.

Even better, Royce called me on Tuesday to wish me a happy birthday and chat for a while, and as we were discussing the film, he said nearly exactly the same thing — good movie, pretty well done, Slartibartfast was perfect. It appears that great minds think alike…and so do ours!

iTunesSo Long & Thanks for All the Fish” by Hilary Summers, Kemi Ominiyi & The R’SVP Voices from the album The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005, 2:26).

The problem with time travel…

Yes, the problem. Because there is only one. ;)

I don’t even remember how we got on the subject, but something in a conversation with Prairie last night got me rambling on about the biggest problem I have with time travel stories. As fun as they are, there’s always been one thing that bugged me about them — though, admittedly, it’s most likely because in the majority of instances, worrying about it would essentially negate the possibility of the story working at all.

Essentially, it’s that while what makes the story fun is the ability to travel temporally, nobody ever seems to take into account the need to travel spatially as well.

The Earth rotates at a little over 1000 miles per hour. It also orbits the sun at around 67,000 miles per hour. Our solar system is moving through the galaxy at approximately 447,387 miles per hour. Our galaxy is moving at roughly 1.34 million miles an hour through the universe. So, assuming that those are all the variables we have to work with (that is, assuming that time is a constant within our universe, and that there is nothing “outside” our universe to measure its relative speed), we travel (very) roughly 6,679,393,200 miles per second relative to our universe.

So, were I to invent a time machine and move myself one second back in time, I’d end up popping back into the normal time stream somewhere more than six and a half billion miles away from where I started! Needless to say, I’d be incalculably lucky to end up arriving anywhere that would allow me to survive — most likely, I’d just end up floating out in the vacuum of space somewhere.

Any feasible time machine, then, would somehow have to ensure that the traveler was able to move temporally while remaining stationary spatially relative to their starting point, and not to the universe as a whole.

Tricky.

Not that that keeps me from enjoying time travel stories anyway, of course. But there’s always this niggling little voice in the back of my head…

05/05/05 5:55:55

From Jonas:

  • :55 seconds — once a minute.
  • 55:55 — once an hour
  • 5:55:55 — twice a day, once a day (depends on cultural approach towards 24/12h clocks).
  • 5th @ 5:55:55 — once a month
  • 5th of May @ 5:55:55 — once a year
  • 5th of May, 05 @ 5:55:55 — once every 100 years
  • 5th of May, 005 @ 5:55:55 — once every 1000 years
  • Thursday (5th day of week), 5th of May, 005 @ 5:55:55 — once every 2000 years

(And yes, I’m back-dating this post slightly just so it fits. Silly, sure, but why not?)

Happy Birthday Royce!

Today Royce, whom I’ve known since fourth grade, turns 32. All these years and I’m still two days older! ;)

Happy birthday!

(The best birthday card I ever found was one I gave to Royce a long time ago. On the front was a picture of a man’s hand holding a hamster. On the inside, the card read, “Have a happy birthday or the hamster goes squish.”)

iTunesCome Fly With Me” by Sheep on Drugs from the album One for the Money (1997, 3:02).

For Mom: One year of hair!

After having had long hair for ages, a few years ago I cut it short, and for the past couple years I was regularly shaving my head. While I liked the way it looked, my mom always lamented the loss of my “beautiful curls.”

Last year on my birthday, after having found some old shots of me with long hair, I finally decided to start letting it grow out again. I shaved my head one last time on my birthday, and have just let it grow since then. This, then, marks one year of not cutting my hair…and here’s the result:

[One year of hair!][1]

[1]: http://www.flickr.com/photos/djwudi/12264104/ “One year of hair!”

It’s a bit bunched up from having been in a ponytail holder, but you get the idea. Long (and getting longer), red, curly hair. The curls are back, mom! :)

Of course, most of the time I keep it held back in a ponytail, so here’s how that looks (along with a birthday present to myself — my new favorite t-shirt, custom-made because I just don’t wear [white t-shirts][2] all that often):

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p align=”center”>One year of hair!

iTunesI Don’t Think They Know” by Mesh from the album Cyberl@b (1998, 4:40).

Then it hit me…

I was reminded of this poster tonight when I ran across an interview with its creator (Update: the original link seems to have died, here’s the Internet Archive’s cached version).

Then it hit me..., Seattle, WA

When did “it” (the concept for the poster) hit you?

Marilyn: I can remember exactly when “it” hit me. It was late one night after serving tables all afternoon and evening. I got home and I just laid down on the floor. I was exhausted and staring at the ceiling of my room thinking “what the fuck?” knowing that I would have to be back at the restaurant the next day and the day after and the day after…it just starts wearing you out, especially when you’re not interested in the work. […] With a 9-5 your time is completely strangled and sucked up.

[…] You go from pre-school to elementary school to middle school to high school and then off to college. Everyone is telling you how great you are going to be along the way like “Keep up the good work!”

Suddenly college is over and you’re pushed out into the meat-grinder (workforce) with no work experience and often times you just get ground up by employers who aren’t interested in you as a human being. All they care about is that you wear your name tag, smile, and work for next to nothing. It’s tricky.

I go through times like this every so often — generally, right around my birthday, when I roll another year forward without feeling like I’ve actually progressed anywhere of note. It hasn’t been hitting me as strongly this year as it has in the past (something I’m incredibly grateful for), but — without getting into much detail at all — recent frustrations at work (nothing in particular, just the usual day-to-day frustrations that come with any job) have stirred it up a touch.

Knowing myself and the way I work, chances are that it’ll fade away again before too terribly long (not entirely coincidentally, probably about the time things settle down on the work front again). Still…better to recognize that it’s there and work my way through it than just try to shove it onto my mental back burner where it can sit and simmer unattended until it boils over.

Current plans have Prairie and I moving in together in a few months, and as soon as possible afterwards, I’ll be taking a break from the 40-hour, 9-5 work week and putting my skinny butt back in school. Right now, I’m really looking forward to being able to do that, and start finding a way to give my brain something more challenging than glorified trained monkey work.

It won’t happen overnight, of course…but it’s long past time that I finally started down on that path. It’ll be nice when it happens, and it’s getting closer every day….

iTunesOverture (from West Side Story)” by Green, Johnny/Orchestra from the album Movie Music: The Definitive Performances (1961, 4:40).