Habits

So D’s asking about odd or wierd habits today. I know I’ve got more than my fair share…

  • I’ve got something of an unusual vocabulary — choice phrases that I really do say, both online and in the real world, include “rock on,” “ooers,” “woohoo,” and others that I’m blanking on at the moment because I’m actively trying to come up with them.
  • I’m a fidgeter. Always have been, always will be. Must have something to do with my hands, whether it’s playing with something, tapping my fingers to music, talking with my hands while describing something, or anything else.
  • I will, on occasion, completely randomly start hopping or skipping, or generally bouncing around. This usually happens when other people aren’t around to witness it, but I’ve been caught on more than one occasion.
  • Four years after cutting my long hair off, I still tend to try to run my hand through my hair when thinking or stressed.
  • Certain events must be described as “fuckin’ awesome.”
  • I quote movies constantly — but rarely entirely accurately. Close enough to make my point, but I’m often corrected by my friends after spouting off.
  • It’s just been pointed out to me that I tend to start humming whatever random song is floating through my head at any given point.
  • After my years of DJ’ing, I’m incredibly catty when I’m at a club and the DJ isn’t up to my personal standards. And they rarely are.
  • I’m as likely to watch a Disney film as I am a horror flick or bizarre surrealistic art film.
  • If there’s a way to make a lowbrow, crude, gutter-level joke about something, I’ll probably go there.
  • I’m not a big fan of cheese, and my preferred form is the Kraft Singles (fondly referred to as “plastic cheese” by my mom).

I think that’s enough for now. I’m sure there’s more…

Speakeasy needs a laxative!

I noticed an ad on Speakeasy’s website today advertising a limited time offer for a good price on a faster connection than the one I currently have. Always interested in a good deal, I gave them a call to see if I could upgrade my ‘net connection.

As it turns out, I can — so sometime next week, my pipe to the ‘net will be upgraded to a 1.5/768 connection — the same speed into my apartment, but approximately six times as fast leaving the apartment. This should mean slightly better response time for this website, and it might allow me to play with things like streaming audio, something I’ve wanted to explore but haven’t had the bandwidth for.

The best part about all this, though, was the service representative I spoke with. Unfortunately, I didn’t catch his name, but he was great. At one point, since I don’t have any great concept of how easy or difficult it might be on Speakeasy’s end to upgrade my service, I wondered if it might be as simple as “throwing a switch deep within the bowels of Speakeasy.” Apparently he’d not heard a customer choose that particular phrase in the midst of a service call, because things got a little sidetracked for a bit after that.

End result? Here’s my service request, as seen from my account status page on Speakeasy’s site:

we are awaiting the new upgrade switch to be thrown deep within the bowels of speakeasy. once this bowel movement is finished please credit the customer a month of service. they have agreed to recontract if we do this favor for them. it’s like a new order, only it’s an old order with a funny hat on.

Yup — my Internet upgrade is just awaiting a bowel movement. Anyone have any Ex-Lax?

Fundamentalism

Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.

— anrwlias (found on the ‘net)

Like

I think, like, I want to, like, ban the word, like, “like,” from the English, like, language.

Foolishness

Who is more foolish — the child afraid of the dark, or the man afraid of the light?

— Maurice Freehill

The Purity Test

Dyanna and I got talking online tonight, and over the course of the conversation, the topic of the infamous Purity Tests came up.

I don’t really know where the Purity Tests got started, but I first found them not long after I first got online, sometime in 1991. The test itself (which now exists in various versions, though my personal favorites are the ‘original’ versions that I found all those years ago) is a series of yes or no questions designed to determine how morally, ethically, and sexually pure you are. As you go through the test, you mark off each thing you’ve done. At the end of the test, you count up your answers, and figure out your percentage — the more you’ve done, the lower your final score, and the less “pure” you are.

It’s all in good fun, of course, and they make a great party game. The only solid rule is that at the end of the test, anyone who took it must admit their final score. It’s entirely up to each person if they want to admit the answers to any particular question — and in many cases, they won’t — but the final score must be admitted!

The person with the lowest (least pure) score then gets hit on by everyone for the rest of the night, while the person with the highest (most pure) score gets giggled at by everyone for the rest of the night. ;)

So…now that all that’s out of the way…anyone care for a test? All of the following links are to downloadable text files. My scores either are posted, or will be after I re-take the tests — leave yours in the comments!

  • The Purity Test: 100 Questions (Quick and dirty, get it out of the way, see what you think. My score: 6%)
  • The Purity Test: 500 Questions (My favorite of the set — long enough to be thorough without getting overly ridiculous or tedious. My score: ??)
  • The Purity Test: 1000 Questions (Starting to get a little overly long, but still bearable. My score: ??)
  • The Purity Test: 2000 Questions (Farily ridiculously long — they’re stretching to find this many questions, and it shows. Included mostly for completeness/curiosity’s sake. My score: ??)

Have fun!

Newly Digital (Back in the Day, redux)

Adam Kalsey has started a project he calls Newly Digital — a collection of stories about when people first discovered computers, got online, and so on.

In that vein, I’m updating and reposting my “Back in the Day” post from roughly a year ago, to contribute to the project. Enjoy!

The first computers I can remember playing with were the Apple II‘s that my elementary school had. Before long our friends the Burns had one of their own that I got to play with, while my babysitter picked up a Commodore 64 that gave me my first look at the BASIC programming language.

Eventually, my family got our first computer — an Osborne 1. This was a beast of a machine. 64k of RAM, a Z-80 CPU, two 5.25″ floppy drives, and a 5″ monochrome 80×40 greenscreen, all packed into a case the size of a suitcase that weighed about 30 pounds. The keyboard could be snapped up against the face of the computer, allowing it to be carried around — one of the first, if not the very first, “portable” computers! It ran CP/M (a precursor to MS-DOS) — aside from fiddling with the machines at school or at my friends’ houses, my first real command-line experience! There was a 300 baud modem available for the Osborne 1 computer, however my family didn’t get one until years later (when those of our friends who had also had Osborne 1 computers were giving them to us as they upgraded, allowing me to cannibalize parts from two machines to keep one running).

I first got online sometime in 1990, with the first computer I bought myself — an Apple Macintosh Classic with no hard drive (the computer booted System 6.0.7 off one 3.5″ floppy, and I kept MS Word version 4 on a second floppy, along with all the papers I typed that year), 1 Mb of RAM — and a 2400 baud modem. Suddenly an entire new world opened up to me. After a brief but nearly disasterous flirtation with America Online at a time when the only way to dial in to AOL from Anchorage, Alaska was to call long distance, I discovered the more affordable world of local BBS’s (Bulletin Board Systems).

I spent many hours over the next few years exploring the BBS’s around Anchorage, from Ak Mac (where most of my time was devoted) to Forest Through the Trees, Roaring Lion, and many others that I can’t remember the names of at the moment. I found some of my first online friends, many of whom I conversed with for months without ever meeting — and many that I never did meet. Most of the Mac-based boards used the Hermes BBS software, which shared its look and feel with whatever the most popular PC-based software was, so virtually all the boards acted the same, allowing me to quickly move from one to the other. After springing the $300 for an external 100Mb hard drive (how would I ever fill up all that space?!?) I downloaded my first ‘warez’ (bootlegged software), at least one of which had a trojan horse that wiped out about half my hard drive. I discovered the joys — and occasional horrors — of free pornography. I found amazing amounts of shareware and freeware, some useful, some useless. It was all amazing, fun, and so much more than I’d found before. In short — I was hooked.

After I graduated from high school in 1991, I had a short-lived stint attending UAA (the University of Alaska, Anchorage). One of the perks of being a student was an e-mail account on the university’s VAX computer system. In order to access your e-mail, you could either use one of the computers in the university’s computer lab, or you could dial into their system via modem. Logging in via modem gave you access to your shell account, at which point you could use the pine e-mail program. However, I soon learned that the university’s computer was linked to other computers via the still-growing Internet!

I thought BBS’s were a new world — this Internet thing was even better! Suddenly I was diving into ftp prompts and pulling files to my computer from computers across the globe. Usenet readers introduced me to BBS-style discussions with people chiming in from all over the world, instead of just all over town. I could jump into IRC (Internet Relay Chat) and have real-time conversations with people in other countries. The gopher protocol was essentially a precursor to the World Wide Web, textual information pages linked to each other by subject. I was fascinated — more information than I had dreamed of was at my fingertips.

By the time I left UAA and lost my student account, the ‘net had started to show up on the radar of public consciousness, but still at a very low level — it was still fairly limited to the ‘geek set.’ That was enough, however, to have convinced some of the local BBS systems to set up primitive (but state of the art at the time) internet links: once a day, generally at some early hour, they would dial into a special node on the ‘net and download a certain set of information, which the BBS users could then access locally. It was slow, time-delayed, and somewhat kludgy, but it worked, and it allowed us to have working e-mail addresses. It wasn’t what I’d had while at the university, but it was certainly better than nothing.

Within a few years, though, the ‘net suddenly exploded across public consciousness with the advent and popularization of the World Wide Web. Suddenly, you didn’t have to do everything on the ‘net through a command line — first using NCSA Mosaic, and later that upstart Netscape Navigator you could point and click your way through all that information — and some of the pages even had graphics on them! It was simplistic by today’s standards, but at the time it was revolutionary, and I joined in that revolution sometime in 1995 with my first homepage.

Since then, there’s been no turning back. My computers have been upgraded from that little Mac Classic to a Performa 600/IIvx, from that to a PowerMac 6100, then on to a 6500, through an original Revision A iMac, and now consisting of a Blue and White G3, a custom-built PC (the first Windows-based PC I ever owned), and currently a Dual 2.0Ghz PowerMac G5, and currently a 27″ iMac, and now a 27″ Retina 5K iMac, and now an M1 Mac mini desktop and M2 MacBook Air. My website has grown as well over the years, passing through several intermediate designs to its current incarnation hosted off my G3 through the UN*X-flavored goodness of Mac OS X.

To quote Jerry Garcia, “What a long, strange trip it’s been.” I’m only looking forward to seeing where it takes me from here.