To: Pat Robertson. Your Pal, Satan.

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best,

Satan

Written by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis, first printed as a Letter to the Editor in the Star Tribune.

I’m a Winner!

A few weeks ago, I stumbled across the Forgotten Bookmarks weblog, and started following his (?) Twitter account as well. Every so often he runs a simple giveaway contest, and it seems that today, my number came out of the magic hat!

What’s behind the curtain, you ask?

Giveaway includes these books: Romance of Da Vinci, 1928. Pocket Book of Verse, 1940. Robison Crusoe, 1930s…….

…….G. Eliot: Poems, 1909. The Moonstone, 1930s. Crime and Punishment, 1953. Works of Dickens, 1940s.

winner.jpg

Pretty slick!

Links for January 11th through January 12th

Sometime between January 11th and January 12th, I thought this stuff was interesting. You might think so too!

  • Tobey Maguire, Sam Raimi Out of ‘Spider-Man’: "Columbia Pictures has pulled the plug on 'Spider Man 4' and will instead make a younger, cheaper installment of the superhero franchise. Star Tobey Maguire and helmer Sam Raimi, who were both set for big paydays for 'Spider Man 4,' will no longer be involved in the franchise as Col moves forward with a high school-aged Peter Parker pic, which will bow theatrically in summer 2012."
  • The C Programming Language: 4.10 Recursion (Brian W Kernighan & Dennis M Ritchie & HP Lovecraft): I never heard of C Recursion till the day before I saw it for the first and– so far– last time. They told me the steam train was the thing to take to Arkham; and it was only at the station ticket-office, when I demurred at the high fare, that I learned about C Recursion. The shrewd-faced agent, whose speech shewed him to be no local man, made a suggestion that none of my other informants had offered. "You could take that old bus, I suppose," he said with a certain hesitation. "It runs through C Recursion, so the people don't like it. I never seen more'n two or three people on it– nobody but them C folks."
  • The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage: Among many fascinating things about the Prop 8 trial in California is that a prominent conservative lawyer, Theodore B. Olson, is helping to make the argument that banning same-sex marriage is unconstitutional.
  • Avatar Hit by Claims of Racism: "Avatar is a racial fantasy par excellence … It rests on the stereotype that white people are rationalist and technocratic while colonial victims are spiritual and athletic. It rests on the assumption that non-whites need the White Messiah to lead their crusades. It rests on the assumption that illiteracy is the path to grace. It also creates a sort of two-edged cultural imperialism. Natives can either have their history shaped by cruel imperialists or benevolent ones, but either way, they are going to be supporting actors in our journey to self-admiration."
  • The Loudness Wars: Why Music Sounds Worse: "'The 'Loudness Wars' have gone back to the days of 45s,' Ludwig says. 'When I first got into the business and was doing a lot of vinyl disc cutting, one producer after another just wanted to have his 45 sound louder than the next guy's so that when the program director at the Top 40 radio station was going through his stack of 45s to decide which two or three he was going to add that week, that the record would kind of jump out to the program director, aurally at least.' That's still a motivation for some producers. If their record jumps out of your iPod compared with the song that preceded it, then they've accomplished their goal. Bob Ludwig thinks that's an unfortunate development."

Links for January 5th through January 7th

Sometime between January 5th and January 7th, I thought this stuff was interesting. You might think so too!

  • The Online 78 Rpm Discographical Project: Incredible resource for dating old 78s.
  • Best Buy Optimization Is a Big Stupid Annoying Waste of Money: "Would you pay $39.99 to improve your computer's processor speed by 200%? What about software updates that would take you two days to perform on your own? Or how about services that take an 'incomplete' computer and make it more useful? Good deals, right? Just one problem: None of these claims – made by real Best Buy sales clerks about the company's Geek Squad optimization services – is true."
  • Word of the Year 2009: Distracted Driving: "Distracted driving — what many are guilty of when they use digital devices on the go — is rapidly entering law books around the world and earns the 2009 Word of the Year choice at Webster's New World(r) College Dictionary."
  • The Science of Success: "Most of us have genes that make us as hardy as dandelions: able to take root and survive almost anywhere. A few of us, however, are more like the orchid: fragile and fickle, but capable of blooming spectacularly if given greenhouse care. So holds a provocative new theory of genetics, which asserts that the very genes that give us the most trouble as a species, causing behaviors that are self-destructive and antisocial, also underlie humankind's phenomenal adaptability and evolutionary success. With a bad environment and poor parenting, orchid children can end up depressed, drug-addicted, or in jail–but with the right environment and good parenting, they can grow up to be society's most creative, successful, and happy people."
  • The Darwin Awards: "The Darwin Awards team is proud to announce the late, the great, the 2009 Darwin Award Winners! Named in honor of Charles Darwin, father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool… by removing themselves from it. This award is generally bestowed posthumously."

School Schedule, Winter Quarter 2010

Well, even though classes don’t officially start until tomorrow, I’m already up and running and beginning to dig into the readings for my classes. Here’s what I’ll be playing with this quarter:

LAJ302: Criminal Procedure

A review of guidelines for police arrest, search, interrogation and identification procedures based upon rules of criminal procedure derived from the U.S. Constitution.

LAJ400: Research Methods in Criminal Justice

This course examines current research in criminal justice and research methods and statistics. Students will critique current methods.

LAJ403: Sexual Minorities, the Law, and Justice

This course examines sexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, and transgender/transexual issues related to the legal system. It provides a political and sociological overview of history, morality, law, and law enforcement practices related to sexual orientation.

Plus, I’m TA’ing for LAJ300 (Administration of Criminal Justice), which I just took this last quarter, and tutoring in the Writing Center four days a week. I’ll be busy, but it looks to be an interesting quarter.

Links for December 16th through January 4th

Sometime between December 16th and January 4th, I thought this stuff was interesting. You might think so too!

  • Why Is JJ Abrams Obsessed With Alice in Wonderland?: "Abrams has been mining the Alice mythos for years -Alias, Lost, and yes, even Felicity are all filled to the brim with Into the Looking Glass subtext and, as is the case with Fringe, actual context. For the sake of brevity, topicality and to spare you the pain of many, many white rabbit-related metaphors we'll keep the focus on Fringe with a bit of Abrams' back catalog to support the theory."
  • Population of the Dead: "How many people have ever lived? While doing research about populations for my last piece, I began to wonder just how many people had ever walked the face of the earth. The articles I found [here and here] were intriguing so I decided to visualize them as well."
  • The Weekly World News on Google Books: Heh. Awesome. My favorite of the trash news rags. Sad that it doesn't exist in print anymore.
  • This Dumb Decade: The 87 Lamest Moments in Tech, 2000-2009: "If ever a decade began dumb, it was this one. When clocks struck midnight on January 1st and the dreaded Y2K bug turned out to be nothing but a mild irritant, it proved once again that the experts often don't know what the heck they're talking about."
  • 20 Greatest SF Movies of the Past Decade: "The past decade has seen a lot of bloated special-effects brain-sucks… but it's also seen some of the best science-fiction films ever. Superhero films came of age, apocalypses ruled, and interstellar adventures came back. Here are the decade's 20 greatest."

Condition of Sale

In the midst of recording and digitally archiving some old 78s (and I do mean old, dating back to the early 1900s), I noticed the following language on a disc from the Columbia Phonograph Co. (catalog #3045, “Mamma’s Boy (Marching Song)”, tenor solo with orchestra accompaniment, sung by Byron G. Harlan):

CONDITION OF SALE

This record is sold upon the express condition that it shall not be copied or duplicated and that the full right of property or possession reverts to the Columbia Phonograph Co. upon violation of this condition.

Two things popped into my head:

  1. Wow, copyright lawyers have been rabid for at least a full century!

  2. How in the world would the common consumer have copied or duplicated records in the early 1900’s? For reference, while there’s no definite pressing date on the disc, “Grand Prize Paris 1900”, “Grand Prize St. Louis 1904”, and “Patented December 10, 1901” are printed on the label, and “Patented Nov 25 1902” is pressed into the surface of the inner ring, so it’s reasonable to assume that the disc was pressed sometime after but reasonably close to 1904.

I love being able to listen to this old stuff.

Two Items Regarding Airplane Safety

Item one:

Chart: The Odds of Airborne TerrorOver the past decade, there have been, by my count, six attempted terrorist incidents on board a commercial airliner than landed in or departed from the United States: the four planes that were hijacked on 9/11, the shoe bomber incident in December 2001, and the NWA flight 253 incident on Christmas….

Over the past decade, according to BTS, there have been 99,320,309 commercial airline departures that either originated or landed within the United States. Dividing by six, we get one terrorist incident per 16,553,385 departures….

the odds of being on given departure which is the subject of a terrorist incident have been 1 in 10,408,947 over the past decade. By contrast, the odds of being struck by lightning in a given year are about 1 in 500,000. This means that you could board 20 flights per year and still be less likely to be the subject of an attempted terrorist attack than to be struck by lightning.

Item two:

Our current response to terrorism is a form of “magical thinking.” It relies on the idea that we can somehow make ourselves safer by protecting against what the terrorists happened to do last time.

Unfortunately for politicians, the security measures that work are largely invisible. Such measures include enhancing the intelligence-gathering abilities of the secret services, hiring cultural experts and Arabic translators, building bridges with Islamic communities both nationally and internationally, funding police capabilities — both investigative arms to prevent terrorist attacks, and emergency communications systems for after attacks occur — and arresting terrorist plotters without media fanfare.

They do not include expansive new police or spying laws. Our police don’t need any new laws to deal with terrorism; rather, they need apolitical funding. […]

It’s not security theater we need, it’s direct appeals to our feelings. The best way to help people feel secure is by acting secure around them. Instead of reacting to terrorism with fear, we — and our leaders — need to react with indomitability, the kind of strength shown by President Franklin D. Roosevelt and Prime Minister Winston Churchill during World War II.

By not overreacting, by not responding to movie-plot threats, and by not becoming defensive, we demonstrate the resilience of our society, in our laws, our culture, our freedoms. There is a difference between indomitability and arrogant “bring ’em on” rhetoric. There’s a difference between accepting the inherent risk that comes with a free and open society, and hyping the threats.

We should treat terrorists like common criminals and give them all the benefits of true and open justice — not merely because it demonstrates our indomitability, but because it makes us all safer. […]

Despite fearful rhetoric to the contrary, terrorism is not a transcendent threat. A terrorist attack cannot possibly destroy a country’s way of life; it’s only our reaction to that attack that can do that kind of damage. The more we undermine our own laws, the more we convert our buildings into fortresses, the more we reduce the freedoms and liberties at the foundation of our societies, the more we’re doing the terrorists’ job for them.

Best Movies of the Decade

Three lists follow, all yoinked from Slashfilm: first and second, the best-reviewed movies of the decade (10 from Metacritic and 20 from Rotten Tomatoes), third, the IMDb top 25 movies of the decade. For each list, I’ve italicized the films I’ve seen, and bold italicized the films we have in our movie collection at home (in other words, both seen and enjoyed enough to keep). I’ve also tossed in links to searches on my blog to mentions or reviews of the films I’ve seen, when possible.

Metacritic’s Top 10 Best-Reviewed Movies of the Decade

  1. Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)

  2. Ratatouille (2007) (Cute, but has the usual Pixar problem.)

  3. Spirited Away (2002)

  4. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) (As with the entire LotR series, TRotK gets quite a few mentions.)

  5. Sideways (2004)

  6. WALL-E (2008) (Once again, the Pixar problem.)

  7. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

  8. There Will Be Blood (2007)

  9. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) (Many mentions of TFotR have appeared over the years.)

  10. The Queen (2006)

Rotten Tomatoes: Top 20 Best Reviewed Films of the Decade (minimum 100 reviews)

  1. Man On Wire

  2. Up (Cute at times, but on the whole, we didn’t like it.)

  3. The Wrestler

  4. Finding Nemo (My original review stands, but…well, by now, you know what the “but” is.)

  5. The Hurt Locker

  6. Let the Right One In

  7. Spellbound

  8. Chicken Run

  9. Murderball

  10. The Fog of War

  11. Anvil! The Story of Anvil

  12. The Band’s Visit

  13. The Incredibles (I love the film, but…am I beating a dead horse yet?)

  14. Sideways

  15. The Queen

  16. Spirited Away

  17. Once

  18. Capturing the Friedmans

  19. Maria Full of Grace

  20. Winged Migration

IMDb’s Top 25 Movies of the Decade

  1. The Dark Knight (2008)

  2. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

  3. City of God (2002)

  4. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

  5. Avatar (2009)

  6. Memento (2000) (One brief, rambling review from when I fist saw it. Used to own this one, would like to again.)

  7. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) (Once again, many mentions.)

  8. WALL·E (2008)

  9. Amélie (2001)

  10. The Departed (2006)

  11. The Pianist (2002)

  12. Spirited Away (2001)

  13. The Lives of Others (2006)

  14. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) (One very brief blurb.)

  15. Requiem for a Dream (2000) (A brief mention from when I bought the DVD. Don’t have the DVD anymore, but this is another I’d like to have in my collection again.)

  16. Inglourious Basterds (2009)

  17. Up (2009)

  18. Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)

  19. The Prestige (2006)

  20. Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

  21. Downfall (2004)

  22. Gran Torino (2008)

  23. Sin City (2005)

  24. District 9 (2009)

  25. Batman Begins (2005)

I haven’t been keeping up with my movie watching, have I?

Things That Bugged Me About ‘Up’

To start with, a list of things that I liked about Pixar‘s Up:

  • The animation, as always in a Pixar film, was gorgeous.
  • The opening ten minutes or so were some of the sweetest, saddest, and most touching work I’ve seen Pixar do since Jesse’s song (“When She Loved Me“) in Toy Story 2. Yes, I got sniffly.
  • There were a number of funny bits that got laughs out of me.

But, as I tweeted yesterday, I didn’t end up liking the film as a whole very much. What a tragic, depressing film.

  • Lesson number one: heroes will let you down. After spending his life idolizing the explorer, Carl finds him only to discover that he’s a greedy, obsessed murderous bastard with no redeeming qualities at all. Russell obviously idolized his father, and yet the failure of his father was a recurring theme, which ties right into…

  • Lesson number two: fathers also let you down. All we know about Russell’s father is that he’s been increasingly distant, to the point of being essentially nonexistent, until eventually Carl becomes a surrogate father for Russell.

  • What’s up with Russell’s family, anyway? We spend the entire film hearing about his absent father. There’s not a single moment of worry about Russell’s sudden disappearance when he inadvertently flies away with Carl. At no point do Carl or Russell show any concern about Russell missing his family, or his family missing him. The entire movie had me convinced that Russell was the child of a single-parent family, whose father had grown so distant that there was virtually no emotional bond between them whatsoever, given Russell’s lack of concern about his (admittedly inadvertent) kidnapping by Carl…but then, during the Wilderness Explorer award ceremony, suddenly Russell’s mother is sitting in the audience. He has a mother? What was she thinking during the time that her kid disappeared? Why was she so willing to allow Russell to continue his association with the old coot who kidnapped him, took him to South America, and nearly got him killed?

  • And, finally, there’s the familiar soapbox of Pixar’s roles for women. Let’s run down the women in Up.

    • Ellie. Initially, she’s one of the best female roles we’ve seen yet. As a child, she’s the stronger of the two main characters, taking the lead in her interactions with Carl, avoiding traditional gender stereotypes by fixating on the explorer and dreaming about adventuring around the world, and becoming one of the few Pixar characters available for little girls to look to and emulate.

      Then she marries Carl, grows old, and dies.

      Sure, it’s her memory that helps to prompt Carl to go on his adventure, but she’s not part of this adventure. Her only “adventure” in life was to get married. It’s sweet and all, and many of the moments where we see Carl missing her are very touching, but still…she spends the entire movie dead.

    • Kevin. A bird whose role is essentially comic relief and plot point, given a male name.

    • Russell’s mom. Never referred to, and only seen for a few seconds at the end of the film. As if that’s not bad enough, she wasn’t even allowed to be the proud parent awarding Russell his “Assisting the Elderly” badge when his father didn’t show up — rather, she sat passively out in the audience, apparently willing to allow Russell to be humiliated, until Carl shows up to act as a surrogate father and save the day.

      If Pixar wanted to have Carl step in, then why not have her on stage with Russell for the ceremony, then have Carl politely ask her for permission? Or why couldn’t Carl be in the audience, and have him give Russell Ellie’s pin afterwards, when it’s just Carl, Russell, and Russell’s mom? Why not find some way to arrange things that wouldn’t involve further marginalizing the mother?

  • How did the explorer get all those dogs? He must have added cloning to his list of achievements, as as far as we can tell, every one of those dogs was male. (Okay, you could make an argument that he only gave the translation collars male voices…but why bother to make multiple distinct voices for different dogs, but not bother to make girl voices for the girl dogs? I stand by my assumption that every dog on that ship was a male.)

  • The dogs flying little airplanes went too far. Until that point, all of those dogs were still dogs doing dog things, simply with the added comedy of the translation collars allowing us to hear what they were saying. Once they got in the airplanes, though, they broke the rules of the world that had already been established.

So, once again, we gave Pixar a chance, and once again, we were roundly unimpressed.