Ultraviolet is, apparently, Ultrastupid

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Milla Jovovich’s latest film, which I babbled about a couple weeks ago, has opened without advance review screenings (never a good sign). Now that a reviewer has been able to see it…looks like this one is going to be a renter.

Another Friday, another abominable movie that wasn’t screened for critics before it opens.

…it’s called “Ultraviolet.” […] It is overstyled, deafening and incoherent.

Violet…brawls with government thugs, twists and flips through the air in slow motion — something we’ve all seen so many times before — dodges bullets and fires off untold amounts of her own. Watching scene after scene of her taking on dozens of men at once, with techno music pounding in the background, quickly becomes repetitive. It’s also dreadfully self-serious, with none of the self-knowing sense of humor that made similar sequences in the “Kill Bill” movies so much more fun.

“Ultraviolet” wants desperately to be a provocative, high-concept action thriller. It apparently is trying to say something about fear and terrorism, paranoia and racism. But it looks more like a shampoo commercial.

Can’t say that I’m surprised, though it’s a bit of a bummer. The trailer looked quite pretty…but apparently, that’s about all that Ultraviolet has going for it.

I’ll still probably rent it, though. C’mon — Milla kicking butt can’t be all bad, right? ;)

iTunes “Mercury and Solace” by BT from the album Movement in Still Life (2000, 5:06).

On Coining Euphemisms

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Just a quick word of advice.

When deciding to coin a euphemism, one might want to find out if the phrase in question has already been appropriated for something else.

For example, this discussion in the Flickr Battlestar Galactica group:

spincycle: “…I do think we’ll be getting back to an Adama-Laura conflict/resolution story fairly soon (either this season or early next). They’ve been chummy lately, time to toss that salad a bit.”

Gaudior: “I’d like to see them ‘toss the salad’ (my new euphamism)!”

Hee. I’m amused.

For those not in the know, ‘toss the salad’ is already a euphemism for a particular sex act. Here’s a slightly Not Safe For Work definition (no nudity, just text descriptions of a non-mainstream kink).

iTunes “Del Davis Tree Farm” by Primus from the album Tales from the Punchbowl (1996, 3:23).

Queen! (But who’s Paul Rodgers?)

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Queen (plus Paul Rodgers) is going to be performing in Seattle!

Who’s Paul Rodgers? Aside from the obvious answer of “the guy singing because Freddy‘s not around anymore,” that is. Apparently, he’s had a solo career along with being the vocalist for three bands — Free, Bad Company, and The Firm. Bad Company is the only one of those three that I’ve ever heard of.

Hrm.

It’s a dilemma. On the one hand, I’m a long time Queen fan, and they have been one of the groups I’ve always wished I’d had a chance to see live — something I’d given up on when Freddy died. So the chance to see even 3/4 of Queen with someone else standing in is very enticing.

On the other hand…it’s not Freddy. Will the show still sound right? Does Paul have the stage presence that Freddy did (while I never saw them, I love listening to the live album ‘Live Killers‘ in large part because of the incredible rapport Freddy had with his audience)? There are sample downloads on the Queen + Paul Rodgers website, but they’re in a Windows Media format that doesn’t seem to play nice with OS X, so I can’t listen to any of them.

Ooh, wait…in the ‘Media‘ section, there are some clips in a .wmv format that does play nice in OS X. I’m…not sold. The music is right, but the vocals…I’m not sure. While I wouldn’t expect it to sound exactly like Freddy (and I really do like the job George Michael did with them a few years back…I thought he made a very impressive pseudo-Freddy), Paul’s got enough of a different timbre that it makes it a little jarring to my ears.

No matter what, I should decide soon: the show’s on April 10th (a Monday night), and tickets are a little painful (ranging from $50 to $200.00!). Decisions, decisions, decisions…

iTunes “Dreamer’s Ball (Live)” by Queen from the album Live Killers (1979, 3:42).

Name Five…

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Prairie bounced into the room this morning as I was scanning headlines while I woke up. “Quick — name all the members of the Simpsons,” she said.

“Um…Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie.”

“Now — what are the five rights given by the first amendment?”

“…um. Oh. Heh…that’s not good. Let’s see,” I fumbled. “Freedom of speech, religion, freedom to assemble….”

She grinned. “That’s three.”

Kind of a sad commentary, isn’t it? At least I’m not alone.

Americans apparently know more about “The Simpsons” than they do about the First Amendment.

Only one in four Americans can name more than one of the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment (freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly and petition for redress of grievances.) But more than half can name at least two members of the cartoon family, according to a survey.

The study by the new McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum found that 22 percent of Americans could name all five Simpson family members, compared with just one in 1,000 people who could name all five First Amendment freedoms.

For the record, here’s the First Amendment to the Constitution:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

iTunes “What the Hell” by Radioactive Goldfish from the album Rhythm and Rave (1992, 3:16).

Tuesday Ten (In My Pants)

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A variation on the ‘ten random tracks’ music meme, adding in the fortune-cookie game of adding “…in my pants” to the end of the fortune…or in this case, song title.

  1. Raise the Roof In My Pants (Public Enemy)
  2. Ascend In My Pants (Nitzer Ebb)
  3. Fallin’ In My Pants (De La Soul/Teenage Fanclub)
  4. A Heart Full of Love In My Pants (Les Miserables)
  5. Why Don’t You Write Me In My Pants (Simon and Garfunkel)
  6. Pornograffiti In My Pants (Extreme)
  7. New and Improved In My Pants (The Incredibles Soundtrack)
  8. Is She Really Going Out With Him In My Pants? (Joe Jackson)
  9. Shalom In My Pants (Voltaire)
  10. A Lap Dance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying In My Pants (The Bloodhound Gang)

Okay, a few of these make me snicker, but that last one was a literal “Laugh Out Loud” moment.

iTunes “How Much Longer” by Eve 6 from the album Eve 6 (1998, 3:05).

I’m 6.29% Slut

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Just a cute little bit of web silliness: using the Slut-o-Meter to compute your promiscuity according to Google.

Slut-o-meter evaluates the promiscuity of the subject you enter by comparing the number of Google search results with and without “safe-search” enabled. A complete slut would return unsafe results and no safe results. Alternatively, a clean name should produce the same number of safe and unsafe results. The “promiscuity” percentage we give you is calculated as follows:

Slut-o-meter Magic Formula

So according to the Slut-o-meter, I’m 6.29% slut.

Read more

BSG on the iTMS followup

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Just a quick followup to my post comparing Battlestar Galactica downloads via Bittorrent and via the iTMS: according to MacRumors, recent BSG episodes are appearing in an uncropped widescreen ratio.

Of course, the resolution is still aimed solely at iPods, but I’m running out of ways to rationalize snagging the free-but-technically-illegal Bittorrent downloads rather than the cheap-and-legal iTMS downloads. This is a good thing (except for my bank account)!

iTunes “Music Reach (1/2/3/4)” by Prodigy, The from the album Prodigy Experience, The (1992, 4:12).

Schrodinger’s Mac

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Well, no, it’s not a Mac. I’m just being cute. Or at least trying to.

Anyway…

This is the kind of geeky science stuff that I love: quantum computers that give results when they’re turned off.

Even for the crazy world of quantum mechanics, this one is twisted. A quantum computer program has produced an answer without actually running.

The idea behind the feat, first proposed in 1998, is to put a quantum computer into a “superposition”, a state in which it is both running and not running. It is as if you asked Schrödinger’s cat to hit “Run”.

With the right set-up, the theory suggested, the computer would sometimes get an answer out of the computer even though the program did not run. And now researchers from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign have improved on the original design and built a non-running quantum computer that really works.

They send a photon into a system of mirrors and other optical devices, which included a set of components that run a simple database search by changing the properties of the photon.

The new design includes a quantum trick called the Zeno effect. Repeated measurements stop the photon from entering the actual program, but allow its quantum nature to flirt with the program’s components – so it can become gradually altered even though it never actually passes through.

“It is very bizarre that you know your computer has not run but you also know what the answer is,” says team member Onur Hosten.

This scheme could have an advantage over straightforward quantum computing. “A non-running computer produces fewer errors,” says Hosten. That sentiment should have technophobes nodding enthusiastically.