Best. April. Fools. Story. EVAR!!!1!!11!

Courtesy of StarTrek.com:

With Star Trek: Enterprise hanging by a veritable thread the last two years, a new direction for the show has recently been unveiled that is being hailed both as a triumph of corporate synergy for the Viacom-owned Paramount Pictures, and a way to keep the show on the air.

[…]

Enter the darlings of Viacom-owned Comedy Central, Star Trek fans Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park. Parker and Stone, you may recall, also made Paramount’s “Team America: World Police,” which ran in theaters last year and comes out on DVD in May. The movie grossed only $50 million worldwide, but it turned a profit for the studio due to its low production budget.

“The pieces fall together brilliantly,” said a top Viacom spokesperson. “Matt and Trey take over Enterprise, and it’s all done with marionettes! It’s like Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet all over. Gerry Anderson, watch out.”

[…]

Parker and Stone have already started making a shooting model of the Enterprise NX-01, thus reviving an old Star Trek tradition. “We prefer the look of physical, tangible models over CGI ships any day,” Parker said. “Of course, we have no visual effects budget whatsoever, so we won’t be painting out the strings. You’ll get used to it. Still trying to figure out where to put the propeller.”

“We’re also gonna re-do the opening title sequence,” Stone revealed. “Record a new theme — something bombastic, action-oriented. Y’know, something that isn’t, like, totally gay.”

Gothic…but not a Goth

Ogre‘s been running a “Kill Your Idols” week on his journal this week, asking people to take their favorite musician, filmmaker, author, and artist down a few notches. To wrap things up, today’s topic was ‘your scene‘, which prompted this brilliant post by chrisbynum that absolutely nails much of why I’ve never self-identified as “Goth”.

Goths, in general, are kind of pathetic. Goths over 25 are really pathetic. As a public service, you should all be made aware that there is a difference between conformity and just growing the fuck up.

The worst offense is self-identifying primarily as “a goth”; it is my biggest pet peeve: “Hi, I’m Vyxqwynn! I’m 29, I’m from Seattle, and I’m a goth…” I think “goth” should be an aspect of who you are, not what you are. I have been around this scene in Seattle for nearly a decade. I think I have a sincere appreciation of fundamental gothic principles and ideals, and many of my good friends are gothic in their styles and attitudes, but, hell no, I’m not a goth! More of a gothic cowboy, if anything, with a healthy does of old-school geek thrown in. After all, I own a horse and 19 seasons of Star Trek on DVD, but I do not have razor blade scars on my wrists. And besides, if you were really all that goth, you wouldn’t have to go around telling people all the time, now would you? :P

So be as gothi_c_ as you want to be — in your beliefs, your style, your self-expression, whatever — but, please, don’t be a goth…

To me, goth means two main things: 1) that subjective experience in any flavor is to be valued (this is actually a classical romantic ideal…), and 2) that settling for mediocrity is an affront to one’s own existence. These are the two principal gothic ideals I can really get behind. I think many self-professed “goths” have never considered either one of these issues and are simply too caught up in the superficial trappings of this fucked-up scene or in their own maladjusted affinity toward darkness, self-pity, and insatiable lust for attention of any kind to actually live gothic.

Y’know what the number one thing I hear goths talk about whenever they get together is? Fucking clothes.

Don’t get me wrong, I love clothes — including gothic clothes — but I’m not deluded enough to think my compulsion to own every expensive black leather or PVC Edward Scissorhands wearable I can snipe from someone on eBay somehow makes me superior to a guy wearing Dockers™. If I had a nickel for every really deep conversation I’ve heard between two goths in the last three months, I couldn’t park on Broadway for 10 minutes…

So keep on keepin’ on, batcavers, but, please, consider giving drama for drama’s sake a rest, and turn the attitude down a notch or so. I promise you’ll still be having plenty of fun, and you may actually have more energy to pursue the dark and important things in life that actually matter…

Damn straight. Yes, I wear primarily black, I listen to a lot of dark music, I’ve been hanging around the gothic scene for years, and I spent years DJing at goth/industrial/alternative clubs in Anchorage…but I’ve never wanted to lay claim to the title of “Goth”. Gothic, sure, occasionally — but not Goth.

For one thing, I’m not depressed enough.

I don’t write enough bad angst-ridden poetry, either. ;)

Unless James is reading this, in which case I’m still too goth for your punk ass, buck-o.

iTunesBlack #1” by Type O Negative from the album Bloody Kisses (1993, 11:15).

It’s only domestic violence if you’re straight

More news from Ohio regarding their ridiculous approach towards domestic violence. The law is being updated to close the loophole that limits domestic violence charges to married couples, which sounds good — but all’s not well yet.

A state lawmaker from northeast Ohio says he’ll introduce a bill this week to close a perceived loophole in the domestic-violence law created by the constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. Democratic state Representative William Healy of Canton says his bill would define domestic violence as an act committed when individuals reside together, regardless of marital status.

[…]

However, the change in the law will only affect heterosexuals in non married relationships. The domestic abuse law will not apply to same-sex couples because of the constitutional amendment.

Admittedly, better than last week — if you’re straight, of course — but still a long way from where it should be.

Regardless of your stance on gay marriage, a person’s sexuality should have absolutely no bearing on domestic violence cases. Whether you’re straight or gay, married or unmarried, or just roommates, the potential for abuse at the hands of someone you live with is something that everyone should have equal protection from under the eyes of the law.

Grrrr.

(via Terrance)

iTunesMadskillz/Mic Chekka” by BT from the album Movement in Still Life (2000, 4:52).

Camp Tomato!

Plans for April 30th are afoot, courtesy of Mr. Jason Webley

Camp Tomato!

An afternoon of fun and games beginning at Woodland Park and ending with a concert in Ballard. The day begins with a potluck picnic at 1 pm. Various tomato activities will follow. After a dinner break, Jason will give a concert at the new Paradox Theater. Tomato, tomato, wheee!

The Paradox Theater
1401 NW Leary Way
8 pm – All Ages – $9

iTunesI Am Calling Out (L’Alta)” by Master Musicians of Jajouka from the album Brian Jones pres. the Pipes of Pan at Jajouka (1995, 5:54).

Search Engine Wars

Statcounter has introduced a new section to the statistics they track titled “Search Engine Wars” — it’s a graph of how much traffic your site gets from each search engine. Out of the last 1,100 hits to my site, here’s what it shows me:

Search Engine Wars

Admittedly, my site isn’t representative of the ‘net as a whole, but from where I’m standing, it doesn’t look like much of a battle.

iTunesInjected With A Poison” by Khan, Praga from the album Pragamatic (1998, 5:06).

Funeral Music

Prairie just pointed out this list of the top ten favorite funeral songs in Europe:

  1. Queen’s “The Show Must Go On”
  2. Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven”
  3. AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell”
  4. Frank Sinatra’s “My Way”
  5. Mozart’s “Requiem”
  6. Robbie Williams’ “Angels”
  7. Queen’s “Who Wants to Live Forever”
  8. The Beatles’s “Let It Be”
  9. Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters”
  10. U2’s “With or Without You”

I’m finding the mental image of a full congregation of mourners standing in a cathedral, colored shafts of light cast through the stained glass windows slowly moving across their faces, sadly and somberly intoning AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell’ to the accompaniment of a church organist and choir far too amusing for my own good.

iTunesFiremission” by Noxious Emotion from the album This Hallowed Ground (1995, 5:27).